bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №67906
 03.08.2012
Do you know what the old Soviet technology is? This is when you decide to cook an egg on the old plate (you had to roast it).. you break one egg, you take the second, you want to break it, and then you look, the first is completely roasted!! O_O

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №67905
 03.08.2012
At work, the employee forgot the password. 5 days ago.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №67904
 03.08.2012
News on the website "Gazeta.ru":
“AutoVAZ” will produce toy cars
The first comment:
"What are they doing now?"

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №67903
 03.08.2012
You can scorn Nemtsov anyway, but the idea of transferring officials into domestic cars was most correct.
win_dows And I prefer the transfer of officials to domestic prisons!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №67902
 03.08.2012
In my childhood I learned wisdom from my peer: "Do not try to catch a man on a word, and you will not have to catch his fist," he said and knocked out my tooth. From then on, I either keep silent or beat first. That’s why I have so many friends – me, you and my wife. The last two are you.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №67901
 03.08.2012
My husband is a programmer. I asked to dress the child. Dress of course. Two T-shirts and two cowards. You didn’t say you need to remove something.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №67900
 03.08.2012
Born to crawl are always ready to bite.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №67899
 03.08.2012
Fear of the scene

“The best battle is the one that never happened.”
(The staff)

Late in the evening after work, I went to McDonald’s with my wife.
There is nothing at home anyway.
In front of us are two loving couples, but behind, three characters more interesting - the hopper with twenty years of experience. They look like about thirty, the most uncomfortable age for others.
The elderly are no longer afraid, but in the soul all the same idiots as at 12...

Two in sweaty sports costumes, the third has a white jacket, a thick tattooed bitch, a cap and brushes.
I don’t think that in the ordinary, puppy life, it’s convenient for them to talk to such an overwhelming percentage of matas as in that turn on people.
It was clear that the boys were mourning intentionally loudly and often.
Matt discussed the menu, Matt pleaded, Matt boasted of their tuning loaves. They even answered the question, “What time is it?”
The boys were just looking for nightly adventures and wanted to: either rush, or just stretch away in front of the silent people.
I met with the eyes of my wife who said:
Just keep silent, or nothing good will end.

I myself understood it. If I had not had a wife, I could have...
What then?
Without her, I’t pay any attention to Matt. I did not serve in the army.
But then why does my wife need a husband, if not to protect her always and in everything and in such cases?
Whatever happens, I get into my head.
But where to start?
Do you want to ask for culture not to argue with Matt? It is unlikely to work, and in a bubble shuffle will help.
Start with indignation? Especially the scratch.

The poisoned man in a white jacket standing in front of me will surely not help when I’m beaten with my legs.
Of course, it is most effective to attack the first, then one would definitely be wiped out... But it is also nonsense. Why without a declaration of war?
It was urgent to come up with such words that they had never heard in their lives, and there – how lucky.

I was mentally prepared for the sudden adrenaline movements, hardly coped with the nauseous fear of the scene, time stopped and I said loudly:
Guys, can I ask you one question?
The puppies remarkably revived and set up in the shelter:
What is this?
And the question is simple – I have never in my life maternated before your mothers and wives, by the way, I am not going to do this in the future. So, can I expect you to be no worse than me?

Sherenga looked around, thought about it, and suddenly, the man in the maid turned to my wife and said:
Sorry, we have something...
The other two also apologized with a sharp intonation (they did not know otherwise), and apologized only to my Shura, although there were a lot of women around.

Then they smiled, stretched out my hands and the one in the house said:
There is no base, it is beautifully wrapped. It seemed like the same thing as “beware of the drum,” and it sounded solid.

No more guys mated, so they talked a little bit.

When we were already sitting at the table and pressing hamburgers, a man in a white jacket suddenly approached me and said:
"Sorry, but as you said there, on the street, after what he said, can I count on... and then?
Why is it to you?
Well, maybe I would be useful in such a situation too?

I began to recall those words, but my Shura suddenly entered the conversation and said with a delicate smile:
You will not need it yet. First you need to overcome the fear of the scene, and then learn the role.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №67898
 03.08.2012
Very helpful advice for men.
If your eyes closed soft hands, a lush chest and a swollen belly leaned in the back, and behind it was heard, "Guess who?"...
In any case, answer, “Serega, are you what?” Believe me, it will be better.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №67897
 03.08.2012
A grandmother in the country with a soya friend communicates:
What’s going on with the potatoes! It breaks down, breaking it straight.
It is from the heat, from the drought. The moisture is lacking, and it crumbles.
How does it lack moisture? It rained all summer, and the land was wet.
Well, that’s because of the moisture. Water absorbs and breaks.
Exactly from moisture. What an attack...

[ + 17 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №67896
 03.08.2012
Gastello: How can you not desire a goat?

You have strange tastes, I see.

Gastello: You are a fucking fool! Half of the country stumbled.

Old: I don’t know

I have nothing more to say to you...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №67895
 03.08.2012
The Prehistory:
Near the entrance, the grandmothers are usually crowded on the bench, such harmful people do not like them.
They naturally discuss as they should... we get in the car to the house.

Look at the ambulance near the entrance, for whom they came.
(with a stone face) minus one!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №67894
 03.08.2012
The technician writes in the general chat:
- My ATM, bad connection, decided to turn over, it became much better...

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №67893
 03.08.2012
xxx is. Hi to
YYYYY Salute to
xxx is. Are you here?
YYYYY I am here
xxx is. Gray Guth
YYYYY I think we just got a new pop hit.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №67892
 03.08.2012
You will not escape from fate. Today in the admissions commission I saw a questionnaire of an apprenticeship student born in Tuapse, who graduated from the Technical School in Norilsk, now living in Rybinsk and submitting documents to Yaroslavl University for the specialty "Tourism". This is called calling.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №67891
 03.08.2012
XXX: Sorriga in September I'll explain what such a pipet)
yyy: sounds threatening
Zzzz: Has it not grown up yet?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! to
xxx: agas as teeth : milk, native
The milk pepper :D
YYY: the heat
zzz: native pipet - also fire))
YYY: Can the girl meet you? Is the pipet already native?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №67890
 03.08.2012

See also: A11 What should you do if you are hit on your left cheek?

1) to give up.
2) Take the right side.
Remove the enemy’s scalp and eat his liver.
4) Back home, complain on your blog.

YYY: I like three options.
XXX: I am a humanist. I like 2 and 4.
YYY: No, I am a humanist. I don’t want to be left in the world to live with fools who hide people on moradas.
XXX: Have you ever read the definition of the word "humanist"?

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №67889
 03.08.2012
Well, you know, it’s a pleasant feeling when you buy something you don’t need, but your heart is so warm that you have it.
I married so.

[ + 30 - ] [15 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №67888
 03.08.2012
with children
XXX:"... Behold, my aunt, a believing man who keeps fast and goes to church once a week, says: "Now it is not possible, blasphemy!". At the observation that nothing blasphemous they did, the mother-in-law switches into another mode "Russian spirituality bla-bla-bla, plant-posadit must be, this is ours, Russian, what they were bitten on!"Then I say to her: "And what about all forgiveness? Your main, Christian, principle, which I first get an unforgettable silence, and then: "Look, go to church, talk to your daddy, you will understand everything."
We are such. This is not exactly you and me, but two-thirds of the population.
YYY: Do you have two-thirds in your family?
ZZZ: The tear in any family is at least two-thirds

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №67887
 03.08.2012
We guarantee the complete confidentiality of the received information. Information is protected from hacking attacks - all materials are stored in the computer, access through the network to which is constantly dependent, in addition, once every few years the database collapses without the possibility of recovery, which allows us to maintain the secret of correspondence even from us!

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