bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 52 - ] [27 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59346
 29.01.2012
The answer:

“Well, look, Schwarzenegger is an Austrian, Stallone is an Italian, Van Damme is a Belgian, Bruce Willis is a German, Statham is an Englishman... And there are real state stars of the militants? andquot;

Chuck will not forgive you.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №59345
 29.01.2012
Sergey Zverev served in the ranks of the Armed Forces of the USSR in Poland, where he was the deputy commander of the squadron, subsequently served to the rank of senior sergeant.
Nikolai Rastorguev did not serve in the army.
That’s what the army does to people.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №59344
 29.01.2012
Let’s stay friends?
What services are included in the tariff "friends"?? to

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №59343
 29.01.2012
The devil does not tempt me for one reason: he has nothing to offer me.

[ + 56 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59342
 29.01.2012
In the 1990s, I worked on repairing TVs at home by newspaper ads.
I come, a man has a problem with the lighting on a color lamp TV
(Maybe anyone remembers, there were P210 or 217 transistors on the output cascade). So the transistor is perforated, but not completely and after 2 minutes, as a result of its heating, the switch disappears completely - only the horizontal strip on the screen.
No problem, I go to the diplomat, and there are no details. is finished.
Man on his knees:... master, in 10 minutes a football match, well some kind of help...
Here is Eureka. I go home promising to come the next day, the man is sick for the team, and on the TV in a soap machine filled with water with the outputs upstairs on 40 centimetre wires lies a trance.
Three years passed. On the street, my uncle pulls me by the sleeve and cheers joyfully:
Hi to you!! Did he get anything in his jewelry? Can I clean it? ......
I looked at him without recognizing him and remembered. And the uncle continues: I am so accustomed, the water from the stove is extended and the norm is somehow accustomed.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №59341
 29.01.2012
Useful advice for men. Before you call a woman a rabbit, think about whether you have enough cabbage and whether the carrots will fail.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №59340
 29.01.2012
Changes in Google
For example, if you’ve previously been interested in machines, you’ll first see information about cars when you ask for “red caly”, not about berries, books or movies.
From March 1st onwards, I will be able to use any of my requests.! to

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №59339
 29.01.2012
I don’t like these ultrasonic women’s voices. It seems to be singing about love, but it seems like a sausage is whispering in the microwave. and c)

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №59338
 29.01.2012
HH: It was fun.
I remember eating such delicious snacks yesterday.
There was also a delicious peanut, sweet as well.
Why is it yellow?
It was corn.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №59337
 29.01.2012
Anatoly, yesterday, the megaphone has already directly hinted to me as follows: I go, I mean, from work, I check the bill on the phone, and there after the bill such a message: "Solo? Find yourself a second half!" - lacked only at the end: "You are miserable!"

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №59336
 29.01.2012
After episodic communication with her parents, the wife says - "family couples who live with their parents - you need to give milk for harm, and a year for two to count, they at 30 years old can already celebrate a golden wedding."

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №59335
 29.01.2012
Rain: I fucking drink beer
[23:59:22] Rain: I had a hollow night
Rain: I had a great evening.
Vit Mareev: You wrote about it yesterday.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №59334
 29.01.2012
My grandfather, in order to know when it is dark, lights his cell phone on his clock.

[ + 27 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59333
 29.01.2012
Description of the film. A real movie.

South Ural Television correspondent Larisa comes to a village whose inhabitants caught a snowman. He breaks the branch and pulls the girl with him, then feeds her mushrooms, as a result, the girl begins to understand the yeti speech. He first rescues her from the police and then leads her to meet her parents. Yeti first appears to be Abrashka, and then says that he likes the name Vanechko more.
However, it turns out that in fact the Snowman is married, and his wife Jeanne is not burning with the desire to get acquainted with her husband's new passion. Vanetka claims they have no children, so he hopes that Larisa will give him an heir. Larisa is first upset by the prospect of using her as a female, but then gets used to life in the house of the snowman. But Vanechka begins to stole - first steals vodka from people and gets drunk, then robs the police UAZik, on which he chases through the forest. Meanwhile, Larisa and Jeanne struggle to find common topics for communication.
One day, Vanya and Jeanne give Larisa an interview, after which they promise to take her to the people. Eventually, Yeti writes a love message to the girl, which, however, turns out to be false, as much of what he has said before. In the meantime, the snowmen are attacking the hunters.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №59332
 29.01.2012
Ekaterina
Do you know how to download Word on Vista?

Alexander is
Do you know how to smash powder on your cheek?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №59331
 29.01.2012
C Dairy (Morito Akira)
My father put his car in the garage. Half an hour later, he screams at the phone:
I am stuck! I can’t get out of the garage. I got into chocolate! I do not know what to do! of AAAA!

It turned out that on the panel under the smoker he had a large tile of bitter chocolate. The oven worked: the chocolate was all dissolved. His father looked at him with his hand and everything. and panic. Remove nothing, the jacket on the back seat. He got out of the car, the chocolate immediately froze and froze. He stood there for fifteen minutes – mated, all called.

Now the entire passport, the phone, the dashboard, the salon – all in chocolate.
The smoker was broken, as his father, defiled, stuck inside. The smell of boiling chocolate, and the smoker died.

After consulting, they decided that for the night a ice cream chocolate will be formed with a filling of a passport, a phone and several lighters, and then it will be able to open it, because of the fact that it is not available. The panic causes the father to panic.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №59330
 29.01.2012
Yesterday I left the dentist - to say "thank you" the tongue does not turn, to say "goodbye"- TERRIBLE!

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №59329
 29.01.2012
The Cat:

The cat struck the last condom in the house. This man wants a brother...
c) Yellow

Go on to people.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №59328
 29.01.2012
How are you on the personal front?
Like a wild in the north.
YYYY :?? to
XXX is lonely.

[ + 34 - ] [8 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59327
 29.01.2012
and Siberia. January 2012. The midnight. The frost. A small snow.
I am in the warm house by the window. Temperature is minus 36.
In the courtyard on the bench, under the light of the lamp, sits a girl in a pantyhose and a clothed hat.
Next to the two long-lined guys, in light winter jackets, in turn, on the turnip perform exercises.
They talk about something. Comments on the tournament. They laugh.
well well.
Truth is good.
The street is minus 36!! to

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