bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148765
 03.02.2018
On one forum once introduced a matte filter with a full auto replacement. This became clear from the fact that one day the users began to send each other exclusively “a flower” and suspiciously often use the word “bika” in different contexts.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №148764
 03.02.2018
I wait for a taxi, the first-floor window opens and a boy with a girl, preschoolers, knock the whole drum on the window and scream:
Chip by Chip!! Around no one.
And there are pigeons flying, probably not for the first time.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №148763
 03.02.2018
"The Complex of Right"
Girl, I’m not afraid, but really, there’s such a thing as a dictionary. No one is forced to record everything. But a couple of successful records and your mother in any will be in something to tick her nose.
Previously, I was also angry when I heard from friends/co-workers/co-workers something like “I told you” or “I told you something, not this.” But the program writing ALL the phone calls literally removed this problem in a couple of months. Really, hearing "I can turn on the record" a person taught by a bitter experience immediately merges. and ;)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №148762
 03.02.2018
xxx: Yes, he "Faust" in memory in the original quotes!
yyy: You say it in the original as if it was not written in German, but in Sumerian.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №148761
 03.02.2018
Destruction of culture, language

and ohrenel? The Soviet diary does not knock you, where are the annual assessments separately on Russian and native languages and literature? There are special columns! Or do you say that this is a fake and the paper is artificially aged? From the skin out, so that you and your roots did not lose, and could quietly ride around the Union without an interpreter and look at you in a new place as a mumbo-yumbo. All for your sake, only to learn from this Gopnik grief, that we have real boys here in Zasraevka, and behind the river in Dristaevka all the pydors, there and steal not west, but a feat, and struggle the wall on the wall is not a crime. Fuck that night! I relaxed and started again. A quarterly mentality. Sometimes it seems that if you were not in the world at all, then all the other people could always agree.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148760
 03.02.2018
The correct algorithm:
1 Shooting
2nd Overloaded
Dedicate the lamp and ask "who is here?"

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148759
 03.02.2018
Called from Chevrolet Dealer.
We haven’t seen your car in service for a long time. Is it on the road or is it wintering in the garage?
It’s winter in the garage.
When will you bring her back on the road?
I do not know
And who knows?
by Phil
Do you have his phone?
Surfers usually don’t have mobile phones.

Pause on the other side of the line.

and A! has arrived! I will call back in spring.

With a celebration, you!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №148758
 03.02.2018
XXX: Take away and do not ruin a person's life. If he is just degrading next to you, then something is missing in you. You are not for him.

YYY: What kind of men we have are not independent. They cannot degrade themselves.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148757
 03.02.2018
xxx> Many in Santa Claus believe quite seriously and in adulthood))
yyy> 3.5" discette is actually 3.54"
xxx> Do not eat, you are lying ((((

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148756
 03.02.2018
and there. I write a list to my husband "how much you can ask". I approach, silently giving with an angry face. He surprisingly looks at the list and says, “You’re serving like a chelobite king!”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №148755
 03.02.2018
On the stage falls a squad of sailors in shaped flannelows with guise collars.
The daughter:
The Japanese schoolgirls.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №148754
 03.02.2018
xxx: I have here under the main menu advertising "exotic fish massage". So the picture arises: you are lying on a massager's table, that is, it smells like it, it smells like it... and then you start to crack on your back with frozen shrimp!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148753
 03.02.2018
When I was about four years old, my father approached me and said, "Go tell my mom something nice," I ran to my mom and said:

“Mommy, you have such beautiful eyes, (Mommy begins to cuddle) like a begemot!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №148752
 03.02.2018
I am a major of the reserve of one of the force structures. Despite the red diploma of Mehmat, I don’t remember the square discriminant formula.
The equations. I remember the lemma about the inserted balls, but the discriminant formula is not. If you eat and start writing, then it is possible that the hand will pull out all these four, the squares, the quarters in the right sequence, but I don’t remember.
I do not argue with them, I think and talk to them. My dreams are only in Matt.

Therefore, such a polite child is clearly not a product of education. It is DNA.

I pulled him yesterday at seven in the morning after a daily heavy snowfall on the snow-sweetened celery in the garden. We are late. He fails every step. It Pushes. It suffocates. He pulls me by the sleeve with his free hand and says quietly:

"Papa, I don’t like snow a bit"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148751
 03.02.2018
and Taxi.

I went to the cafe for coffee. I buy American I sit, drink, read a book. Suddenly, from a state of pleasant restlessness, I am knocked out of the window. I see, there is a certain pair and starts to rub me the standard speech that they stole him can not leave. The phone sells to get enough money. I get a phone. The Samsung S7 is similar. Even is included. I think you can still do little work and have fun.

Where do you need it at all?

- Yes, I went to Samara here for business, and in the tram was stolen.

Oh you are. I am from Samara. I have never seen you there. Have you recently settled there?

A little bit of sublimation. After a few seconds, the dialogue continued.

Well recently though.

Okay, don’t go out. We help you. I have a friend working at the station. He will give you a ticket. Sit down and go.

I bought my phone and I also got my passport. I need to return my passport to my ticket.

How did you get your passport back here? It is only possible in the place of residence. And it is dangerous at all. I went to the police. You will write the statement. suddenly on your passport have already taken 10 loans and three companies opened. Sit on. They went. The lie is not far away.

No, I wrote it all right now. Buy a phone. Sold for just 7,000. He is new. There are even documents.

Listen to. The idea is even better. Let me take you to Samara for the phone. You are normal and me. They did not benefit you. How long will you run here? Restore the passport. Home and walls help. You will get your passport back and lose less money.



The guy literally pulls my phone out of my hand. begins to wash all kinds of unrelated shit that the type does not need, he will do everything himself does not want to buy so do not need and bumping something under his nose goes and dissolves in the crowd. He doesn’t seem to be in a hurry home.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148750
 03.02.2018
Context advertising is contextual.
I watched on cooking websites recipes of steam coatlets. Now Yandex carefully offers me to buy steam boilers.
How cute.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148749
 03.02.2018
and KMP. Traditionally: the husband drinks, pigs and hamits, the wife pays for the apartment and his car. What to do. ]

You have two options. Or give him a baby, take a mortgage and a car loan and eat the cactus further or... drive out. The second is more difficult of course, but you can record its humiliation on the audio, save a couple of sweat sweaters and socks, bottles and unwashed glasses. In the long grieving winter evenings to ruin this all around the apartment, include a record of humiliations and remember sitting on the window with a cup of coffee.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148748
 03.02.2018
Why are you not ashamed to say so? You are a child from such a cultural family!
Here is a falsehood for you, Sunderland! What cultural family can we talk about if before the age of 25 I was sure that the opera is called "Toscana" and not "Toscana"?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148747
 03.02.2018
So began the first Olympic War.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148746
 03.02.2018
A 79-year-old pensioner Valentine Nikolaevich lives in the city of Miassa. And a terrible story happened to him.
The neighbor came with the cakes. Help, dear, in front of our house someone has cut down a few trees, it would be good to clean up a small crop, you are already upset, cut, soap, a few branches in front of the windows, or the light is blown up, and besides you, I am asking someone. And here I cooked with potatoes, and with cabbage. Well, Valentine Nikolaevich took a saw with a tail, and he increased the light filling of the grandmother’s kitchen. Oh, in vain he did it...
There are many people who love to look out the window. They saw. Did Chávez take his tail? Where did he put the pile? Is the mail there? Who allowed him? And in the television they said that the Chinese sprinkled and stole the whole taiwan, from it, they reached us! How about Zinc? Like the cakes! The corrupt! I need to write, call, complain.
Babi’s complaints were welcomed by the police. The crime of the century! The case was initiated promptly, the perpetrator was immediately found, the case was transferred to court. Experts were invited from the municipal environmental committee. Those let us count, three we write, two we think, we counted as much as 64,000 damage. WOW! This is a very serious crime, a crime. Only bad journalists took and illuminated the process of the century on the Internet.
The first meeting, the employees of the administration (representatives of the injured party, those who counted losses) scratched the back of the head, and decided - well, as if everything was right, but it may be... somehow it is... right... no, the law of course... but 64,000... Maybe we will agree that the accused will compensate for the damage in nature, and we will do well? And then invented, scammers, the internet, we are called on the city sites by the gardens with bad words.
The prosecutor was upset. None to negotiate. The defendant will reimburse the damages, then come and accept. You wish by nature - for the sake of God, the law is not against. How do you look like that there?
The administration answers - well, if a retired person plants 9 seedlings of any trees, then the palm trees, everyone is happy and happy. The prosecutor is also satisfied - 3 days is enough? Come and come with a photo report and documents.
A slightly shaken protector looks out the window. Then go to the weather sites. He looks at the prosecutor. This is the case, Mr. Attorney General! Did we understand your position correctly? Considering that the month of January, and minus 25? Is it the best time to plant trees? We were taught in the kindergarten that the sun will warm the earth, the snow will melt, the spring, the streams and all that, then and plant even nasturcia, even trees. Now it is not spring at all. Not at all spring. But you are trembling! No trees are planted in the Urals in January. Even the Southern Urals, though.
The prosecutor cries. And specifies that for trees he is not aware, but pensioners can be planted at any time. The famous phrase of Comrade Saakhov: "Either the defense leads Valentina Nikolaevich to the garden, or to the prosecutor." Choose, gentlemen destroyers of urban property, what is closer to you, common sense and criminal case, or forestry works in January and the peace agreement of the parties.
Since the criminal did not want to become a criminal, then, armed with a snowflake and a crush (for without breaking the frozen soil you will take), under the supervision of vigilant grandmothers from the windows of the house on the contrary, with the help of the indifferent public, 9 seedlings were planted in a 25-degree frost!
At the next court hearing, all present were filled with kindness and care! The acts were presented, the seized knife was ordered to be returned, well, for sweet, considering compensation for damage, old age, disability of the third group, the criminal case was ordered to be closed! Sleep peacefully, citizens of Misa!

And from myself, I will add - Valentine Nikolaevich was not a red-book palisander, and not even a whiteboard. By the video is easily determined a clear-leafed clen. Who is curious, go forth, what kind of tree this is, and why experts believe that its spread will lead to an ecological catastrophe.

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