bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147405
 17.12.2017
Marriage is strengthened. Advertising of a paid medical clinic at the stop. The following correspondence: there are contraindications, it is necessary to consult a specialist. I have a number of questions: what can be contraindications to visit the clinic? And what do they have for such "doctors" if they need to consult someone before visiting them? Which specialist should I consult before going there? With the accountant?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147404
 17.12.2017
> Cutting of nails (with fixation of the owner)

It does not eat!! This is my coyote!! Do not eat!! Leave the menu!“!”

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147403
 17.12.2017
The Technique of Evil. and real. Not only that modern gadgets have become smarter than their owners, so they are also trying to humiliate... It is not very pleasant when during sex on the fitness bracelet the GPS is turned on and the phrase “too short distance” is issued.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №147402
 17.12.2017
Excursions to the movies, theaters, restaurants...why do the grandmothers go for sex?! to

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №147401
 17.12.2017
The main disadvantage of old houses are thin walls and excellent hearing. So is it with us: every day closer to the evening and until the night we listen to the same thing as the neighbor below. The music is normal, it doesn’t stress me. But the three-year-old daughter is afraid of the noise. Attempts to agree with the neighbor to reduce the noise did not succeed. I have nothing but to invite my child to dance when she hears music. Fun and not scary at all.

And in the old houses are not only thin walls. And today this neighbor is stuck with a piece of patch that has flown away from the ceiling...

A compromise has been found :)

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №147400
 17.12.2017
- And you know, colleague, that there are facts proving the existence on the territory of modern Russia in the recent past of a highly developed civilization, in technological terms far superior to us in the level of development?
Are you talking about the USSR?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №147399
 17.12.2017
George Clooney arranged a dinner at his home, to which he invited 14 of his closest friends. Each was given a designer suitcase with a million dollars.

The fact is that the actor at first time could not realize himself in the cinema and he had to work for many years. During the most difficult periods of his life, Clooney found help from his friends.

Despite the current success, the actor has not forgotten anything and remembers everything that his friends have done for him.

The man. The respect.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №147398
 17.12.2017
17.07: Opened the sockets in the apartment, for the purpose of searching for scammers from the special services. I found some caps on the wires. From the wires #$zero current. I put the caps in place... Probably not the bugs...

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №147397
 17.12.2017
Michael O'Sullivan has been friends with his 85-year-old neighbor Matt for over 30 years, and has been his guardian for some time.

An elderly man decided to leave his house after his death to a friend, but according to Irish law, in this case the new owner would be forced to pay about half of the cost of the house in the form of taxes.

Then the men decided they would marry. In this case, the law allows not to pay taxes.

Both men emphasize that they are not gay and do so for financial reasons.

You are an Irish ass! In other words, two fake Irish ass!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147396
 17.12.2017
Hunger, not hunger – you’re gonna die anyway.
Do not live, do not live, you will die anyway.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №147395
 17.12.2017
Gods are good, lice do not jump from head to head! To catch lice, you need to chest off with one chest, or sleep on the same pillow, or put on someone else's hat. I don't know, now, probably, it's not so accepted, but in my Soviet childhood, my mother strictly forbade me to give anyone my haircut or take someone else's (family doesn't count, it's all in common).

No no no no no no no! My mother brought such a lice from public transportation and gave it to me. They got out quite easily, but the hysteria of the entire long-haired family was noble. I don't know if she threw her head off on the bus seat or something like that was sitting next to me, but in the same bed with my mother I definitely don't sleep and we're different, not even accidentally confused.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №147394
 17.12.2017
You are not working, you are pretending to be working.
The fish looks out of the head!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №147393
 17.12.2017
Oh people, do you ever want to smell something, bow down and suddenly get your nose straight into it?
What, did you decide to start the morning with the coon?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I saw in his shampoo, it was written, said, black radish, and drawn a natural such beetle, with roots, leaves, all things. And the devil came over me to check whether it would smell like flowers or reds.
I would wash my nose and that.
I washed, but now the smell of this nuclear shit is wondering everywhere.
Zzz: No tommy, it smells redhead or not?
Oh, how do I know what it smells like, I have never seen this redhead in my eyes, and I have definitely not smelled it :(

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №147392
 17.12.2017
The Bitcoin:

> In fact, a group of people counted a bunch of numbers on the compass. And hide us this.
> is it a shit? But that doesn’t bother anyone anymore.

All of the "great startups of modern times" are bypasses of some lobby. Uber found a hole in the 1920 legislation and allowed individuals to tax without paying $900K for a joke. These same glorious boys (Bitcoin + Etherium) are trying to polish a virtually independent international exchange (not that without regulators, and trading not in USD, but also anonymous). It’s not as naive as you think.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147391
 16.12.2017
Smolla: For me, the most exciting thing when cooking is to clean the vegetables. I hate.
tahoma city: Smolla, I have vegetables lately, I have a child to clean. I like him as well as help. and :)
I’m going to have to give birth...
Amphibia: Smolla, I confirm, the child is a very convenient tool for cutting salads, as well as cleaning vegetables, collecting sandwiches, decorating desserts and all that. Only on the mode for a long time comes out, years after 5, not sooner. But by the age of 10 - beauty, I do not have time as quickly as it is with handy pencil
Morredett: Kids, cutting... Okay, Google, how to teach a cat to cut foods? :D

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №147390
 16.12.2017
Photo of the announcement: Bowling bars to play billiards is prohibited! For every speck stuck in the fingers, a penalty!
XXX: That is an idea!

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147389
 16.12.2017
here here :

The Targaryenes boasted that they were from the blood of the dragon. They had a mutation in the genus, which resulted in some of them not burning in the fire.
So, have you ever wondered where they came from, and WHAT exactly did the Targaryennes do with the dragons?? to

Valeria is a volcanic area, and subsequently died from volcanoes. In volcanic races there are many radioactive elements (yes, from the postulate of Peter the First from the Karelian granite phonits, who is not aware). For many centuries, the irradiation of Targaryan eggs and ovaries could have been any mutations, including albinism (the same white hair and eyes of a purple shade), well, there can be fire resistance.
You are dragon sex.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №147388
 16.12.2017
Review of Fallout 4 VR.
While fighting with the first radar, he leaned down and began to move with the controller. The cat decided that I was playing with him and ran closer. I got the mouth. Fighting with the cat. He’s offended and doesn’t talk to me anymore. Not a minus game, just uncomfortable in front of the cat.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №147387
 16.12.2017
XXX: I made a very loud Facebook spam to myself when I realized that I had a similar hint at the age of 17.

Then I came to a very beautiful girl to also put a new seven. I wanted her at the time terribly and the very fact that I came to her, when there was no one at home, I was already wildly glad. But I came to put the window.

Gathered with thoughts, I plunged into the work only by the edge of the eye and watched this charming girl jump through the room. First in shorts and then in one! Wear it after the soul (no, it can be gathered anywhere afterwards, and I keep it here). And now recalling how she was in one coat standing on the bed (the comp and the bed stood next door) in a knee-looked posture stared at me in the monitor, I just do a fairy facespalm.

YYY: I also came to a friend with a comp to deal with and he was sitting by his shoulder in the screen and staring. I don’t have Facebook spams that remembrance.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №147386
 16.12.2017
Aaa: In the old days, the Cossacks, in order to become an ataman, had to go to the taiga in complete solitude and bring a living wolf, bound and with a cloak in his mouth.
BBB: But why clap in the mouth? Would the wolf call for help?
ccc: A bound wolf, insulted by violence, always speaks loudly and sharply. And the Cossacks are people who fear God, black words do not like. Children will be guarded by them. This is a worn toothpaste in a toothpaste and is sealed.
Interestingly, after that snatch, the wolf not only ceased to mate, but also expressed from now on exclusively as Ditmar Eliashevich Rosenthal. Literally and without words-parasites.
ddd: The gray wolf brings the cossacks bound, with a clap in his mouth, and speaks with a human voice:
Take it! He was early in Athens.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna