bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №12824
 28.11.2008
A acquaintance said:
Her son approaches her father and asks, “Daddy, how is it written, “You are or you are?” Father: "You’re kidding, and why do you?" Son: "I’m writing a note to the girl here". What is "????", takes a note, and it says "you are beautiful";

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №12823
 28.11.2008
Nothing unites people like faith. Nothing divides people.

Just like religion.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №12822
 28.11.2008
Near Chisinau there is a small district center of Kalaraš, from

There is a brandy factory and the only lighthouse in the

Centre of town. With this lighting and local GAI there are a lot of connections.

This is an incredible story, and here is one of them.

Deputy Minister of Internal Affairs, in civic, hair "headset" (it is important) on

The person has gone to his acquaintances or relatives and has already gone by.

at the yellow through this crossroads, of course, the merchants immediately

Striped sticks instructed him to take to the right. The Deputy Minister accepted

right, prepared a certificate, even thanks for

Great service, but what happened next.

of history.

With a smile on his whole face, he approached the car and said the sacramental message.

sentence: "Well what, sheep, flew up?"

After an hour he worked in the district, with a decrease in the rank and position, in

God forgotten the village, and the winged expression made him the hero of the day.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №12821
 28.11.2008
A man returns from work.

Meet his wife:

- Yura, I looked at the map of Moscow, look what a cute green

The triangle is unconstructed in the center. announce it tomorrow.

The Tender.

Idiot, you will drive me into the grave with your greed. This is the Kremlin.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №12820
 27.11.2008
Tagged with: hello
Go with me to the concert.
Tagged: daughter
The Seventh Beginning
Danish: Will you go?
Sasha is yours?? to
And he was sick.
He has the flu.
Timothy: And where do we go?? to
Tagged: on bilana
Tagged with: no
I am sick too.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №12819
 27.11.2008
I do not doubt your spiritual qualities, young person...but!
Girl 24 years I am studying in graduate and 2nd high school, I have a 2-room apartment of 80 m2, there is a car and a salary of 35 thousand rubles.
or I don't understand about prices in Russia but explain to me how to pay 35 thousand to buy an apartment car studying at the second highest (!!!) (that paid girl is still working) at the same time, what it is and what to ride... and all this up to 24 years... or she does not agree) or she needs to be stabbed with a stick... suddenly dead.

Chuvak, there is written "24 years I am studying in graduate school", i.e. years approximately 22 + 24 = 46)) it is true that people usually finish in 2 years, but it is not visible here)))

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №12818
 27.11.2008
Yesterday the cleaner burned... He approaches the people in the smoking machine and innocently asks: People, and who knows how to use the computer? Naturally, many according to the chewing heads. Then, grit, sit down for them, go out to the innet and look for a site where they learn to use the sorting!

[ + 105 - ] Comment quote №12817
 27.11.2008
Jakodzun: Fuck you, the atomic slander!
Jakodzun: How he squeezed the pipe is a song
Carry... Write...
Jakodzun: the boiler did not close, began to steal the Bulgarian
Jakodzun: Picture with oil:
Tsuko himself stands on his knees in a nikuyova hole in the shrimp position, his head under the shell, holds the Bulgarian with both the brokers, the spark is fucking, I fucking! tk. Protection is removed. This is a miracle without glasses. Here he finally sprinkled the pipe, from there the kaiaak sprinkled the boiling water directly into his face, he was very polite in 2-3 concise phrases and expressed his attitude to the closest relatives of the pipe, the valve and the boiling water.
Jakodzun: But the pissing of the scuco continues! Here, the water falls on the body of the Bulgarian woman, and when it jumps, it kneels in the meadow, it immediately begins to get rid of electricity!
Jakodzun: But here I was proud of our tearers, this one probably came from Chlenyabinsk himself, or there are relatives there.
Jakodzun: Knows the spark with boiling water half loud, the spark fucking, and he drinks!!! Well, it’s all under the accompaniment: "Oh shit!", "Yob your mother!!", "Ebanrot" and so on.
I’m going through the Bulgarian roar:
Close the water!! to
He said, “It is closed. It is residual!
Jakodzun: Nihuaja residual, until the opposite wall clings!
Jakodzun: then realized that really something was wrong, postponed the Bulgarian began to close the valve, after which deeply thoughtfully said: - Yes, really not closed!
I was fucking crying...

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №12816
 27.11.2008
How to lose weight without a gym?

Boltik - cut off the leg

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №12815
 27.11.2008
They pulled a TV into the kitchen, which has been dusty for several years from unnecessary in the room with a comp. When we eat, we have a dialogue:

Let’s include something...

What are you, idiot? By turning on the TV, you turn off the process of becoming a human being! I don’t want to degrade... Oh, the Simpsons!! to

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №12814
 27.11.2008
In short, in the middle of the lecture he runs out to the board from a parallel group of frames, quickly clothes up to the cowards and socks and screams: "HA-HA-HA, and I AM INVISIBLE!!"and "
It is a gesture)))
xxx: So the prede looked at all this, then said to the audience: "A, you want me to tell a joke?"
I have a fucking universe.)

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №12813
 27.11.2008
She: Do you love me so much?
He is strong!
Is it strongly pressing?
He says: Strongly forced!
She is: a crack?
He is overwhelmed...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №12812
 27.11.2008
Best Water for January 1st

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №12811
 27.11.2008
http://avtonomka.org/bayki/byliny.htm



The story of "The Barber". Alexander Viktorov (Moscow)



It was in 1992. Marches of mourning for the dead.

The USSR. The submarine fleet gradually began to squeeze. hydraulic

remained in Baku, components for the equipment in Kiev and Chisinau.

There was a serious breakdown in salaries. What is the salary when

Inflation of 40% per month.

The command of the 2nd Fleet, which was in Kamchatka, understood that for so long

The people did not extend and decided to make the submarine's life easier. The 25th Division

They opened a barber shop where they could bring a symbolic fee.

yourself in order. Small and pleasant!

He worked, or rather served as a hairdresser at the PCZ, a wonderful guy from

Turkmenistan itself and called him Serdar (leader in their name). This is agreed

Man, got on the navy at the breakdown of the ages! Speak Russian in 3 years.

He learned decently, and the specialty of the "trumpy sailor" came to him.

The Soul. We were not on vacation, far from Kamchatka. DMB and Command

I decided to go to the barber.

So came Serdar’s inevitable Dembel. He comes into the building.

part of. They ask him:

Where to Write a WP?

He replied in calm Russian:

Such a place, such an aul.

Looked at the builders in the book, where all the settlements of the USSR and did not find

Such an aura.

How far from your home to the nearest city?

– Oh, far away – replied the sailor.

Wise for a long time. Nothing worked out, the settlement disappeared, and in the personal

In the case of the soldier is the name of the military committee of a small border village.

But it is not that!

It cannot be so! The head of the department said and got it.

The map.

The information on the map was insufficient. I took a bigger map.

The builders bowed over a complex intersection of meridians and

and parallels. There is no such settlement.

The young starle looked along the border of Turkmenistan and Iran. And suddenly

His eyes fell on the adjacent, Iranian territory. Oh the horror! carefully

At a depth of 10 kilometers there was the aul that the sailor was talking about.

Russian submarine Serdar.

The builders are frozen, and there is an international scandal.

How did you get into the army? The father said the boss.

I passed sheep, a week passed, and then I walked in the mountains. People in shape.

They came and asked what their name was. I said Serdar. How many years, I asked.

He said 18. They asked for a passport, but I didn’t know what a passport was. He is

They put them in the car and took them to the city. Then I got here on the plane.

You, my son, wait at the door.

The mood was completely ruined. A number of direct and indirect signs

It turned out that three years in the secret base of submarines in office

It was served by a citizen of Iran named Serdar.

What will we do, comrades officers?

- And what to do, what military commission called there and send, and there let us

He goes home by the mountains.

And the happy Serdar went home to his sisters and brothers. succeeded

Whether he will get into his Iranian hall is unknown. Six months in the headquarters.

The division received a request from the Turkmen KGB, “Didn’t we have any service?”

“Serdar?” The building department answered nothing and said nothing to anyone.

Well, Serdar did not know in which country he was born, but the military duty

Fulfilled and how!! to

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №12810
 27.11.2008
Egypt and Turkey urge Russian tourists

Photographed drunk on passport.

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №12809
 27.11.2008
Why did you and Alien break up? They almost got married.
Weyland: Do you ask? The last conversation with her?
Tanya: Let It Go
Weyland: Please
Weyland (22:15:21 23/11/2008)
You’ve shaken your face, I understand. Why do I wrap a ring? Who needs it there?

Alienka (22:16:36 23/11/2008)
I don’t know, all my friends like it.


[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №12808
 27.11.2008
In the discussion of the most effective remedy from cockroaches:

You sit in the middle of the kitchen on a table with a shoe and say "I went to the cinema".

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №12807
 27.11.2008
Return to normal quotation so that no new page opens!! to
Traffic sickle leaves

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №12806
 26.11.2008
to quote:
"We read the resume of the girl:

About myself: I have the skills:
calculation of the optimal amount of beer to sacrifice the admin in case of problems,
Communication with customers of all levels of sobriety and moral satisfaction;
warning the residents of the accounting office to tap only the necessary buttons the necessary number of times,
Intuitive understanding of what O/S wants (Windows, Linux), I can come to mutual understanding with that, if necessary.
high-quality interaction with any software in the presence of reference or Google, not very high-quality - in the absence,
to learn anything at any time when pronouncing the magical formula "to immediately".
Knowledge of English, Russian, Russian obscene, Russian very obscene and "a-it-yourself-language" orally and in writing, C/C++, CSS, HTML, JavaScript in writing.
I understand well the words "need", "immediately" and the expression "I said what?and "
I want food and money. Or at least just food."

I called as soon as I saw them. It was late ("

____________________________________________________________

Give me the phone. I marry her.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №12805
 26.11.2008
Wrattook: 3.14days
WratTOOK: I am going to the subway now, the peak hour, the car is stuck under the curtain, the people have come in, but the doors are not closed, a pretty strange guy runs in here, who immediately begins to be pushed out by some grandmother, typically she will be uncomfortable on the next exit. At which the guy almost crushing to the scream declares: "How did you all fuck me today! ", deliciously cheats and goes out.
The doors are closed, the train touches.

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