bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143564
 03.08.2017
Barrymore, what kind of noise is it that comes from Peter's Bays?
They did not use the air conditioners purchased in 2010, sir.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №143563
 03.08.2017
Group of one charity.

Distribution of infant milk mixtures.
Dear mothers! Today, only half of the mixture was dissolved. We will distribute until we distribute. But under the conditions indicated on the package, it should be stored at a temperature of up to 20 degrees. I’m not sure there’s so much in the office. There is no refrigerator for 14 boxes.
Come on August 6, but be faster next time!
P.S. who will pray that the whole week will be rainy and the temperature +18 - will get an umbrella on the ass.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №143562
 03.08.2017
Those are the ones they are, they are the ones they are. The fact is that testosterone is responsible for libido in both sexes. And the black hair, too. My wife constantly pulls out the vibris, like a good cat. When it comes to family debt, you’re more likely to die than to pay off it. Not every day, not twenty years.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №143561
 03.08.2017
I’ll tell you why endurists are so careful. In the endurist, falling is the standard mode of operation. The Endurists fly through the wheel, the Endurists send the car into an independent flight at the end of the rise, the Endurists flew into the bushes from the track, the Endurists catch holes, cows and pebbles, the barrel turns out to be rotten and not to withstand weight, and the stone turns out to be not round enough and rolls over at the moment when the centrer of steel has already rotted on it. The endurist is anchored in the defence by the ears, he flies into the tree with his mouth, he plunges on his foot with a hot release down, he crashes on the branches and he tries to save the car, because the repair is expensive. If the endurist rides for more than a year and is still alive, he rides on the machine in any situation so as to collect bones, if something happens to him. He does not perceive falling as some abstraction that "is happening once and to someone, but not to him now," like a lump flying 160 in a sport on red. Falling for him is the norm and way of life, and not only his own, but also comrades, who may not fit and suddenly crash the neck under the front wheel. True, there is an endurist weakness: they hate the road and try not to show it at all. This deprives most drivers of the last chance to see such a legendary character as a clever motorcyclist.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143560
 03.08.2017
"In the center of Moscow, the opponents of the “Matilda” went on a prayer stand"

They would fight against corruption as against this unfortunate film.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143559
 02.08.2017
Every year more and more characters of the book "Mamenkin Prince" are found on the streets.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №143558
 02.08.2017
With AliExpress, we sent a package in a poppy bag with all the cracked pillows. The evil Chinese.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №143557
 02.08.2017
With Picaboo.
by Jozeppe:
There was a school with a biological inclination going out to nature to study ants. Thro the day, students examined ants and carried out measurements. The next day, they brought their class to the teacher. In the course there was such a conclusion: the perimeter of the foundation of the ant (read the length of the circle) in all the measured ants was always three times larger than the diameter of the foundation of the ant. And it did not depend on the size of the ants and the breed of the ants themselves. They went to Nobel!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №143556
 02.08.2017
"NYT accused Trump of beginning the fight against discrimination against white students"

Lord, bless this man, he is the only one who stands for the white.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143555
 02.08.2017
xxx: I’ve been in distributed computing for 10 years, I’ve sold dozens of b/u video cards for many generations and I can say that the recent mutation of buyers, minerophobes, is a very strange subspecies. "Cart of minerals?", "No, it never existed - in distributed calculations it was considered", "A, well, okay, the main thing is not bits, it is seen to bury". and lol.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №143554
 02.08.2017
It was about a decade ago.

On New Year’s Eve, I went to visit a non-drinking friend. Arrived by public transport. They sat so well, met, did a decent job with the butters, spent the hours of their lives until three nights. Well, with a non-drinking friend, like the alcohol itself, do not go out of hand, and not wanted to. It is time to go home. New Year's Eve is a real beauty: snow slightly throws, light frost. Public transport, of course, does not go, the area is not the busiest, the streets are empty. Finally, the lifted hand is slowed by Zyguli-six with a police paint and beacons. He caught a man, he is called. I was worried if I took the documents with me. The car window opens, and a police officer sitting on the passenger seat unexpectedly asks:

Where are you?

I call the address. He shakes his head:

and sit down.

The driver turns on the beacons - the syrene to turn on, however, did not become, - stumbled with the wind (by the way, I never understood why the beacons were to turn on - for all the time of the way we got from the force of a dozen cars, maybe it is as a free attraction? ) The police officers in the car three - two in front and one behind, with the last on the road talked, again for life, and the front on the passenger seat is virtually not involved in the conversation, and from time to time somehow very strange, with unmistakable suspicion looks at me.

Finally, they drive home, I give money for the trip (apply modestly! I am going out, and here the employee, who was constantly looking suspiciously at me, asks:

Sorry one question?

of course.

I don’t understand anything...you didn’t drink at all, right? ! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143553
 02.08.2017
From FB:
The political views of the Rabbit PC are quite obvious, and once a nervous lady at the presentation of the book reached the microphone and asked the question "Why do you love our homeland so wrongly?"
The author of the Rabbit honestly said that such a question can only be ruined by the answer.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143552
 02.08.2017
And with regard to the latter, you are an idiot. You’ll be 60 years old, you’ll know. Oh yes, suicides go to hell."

For stupidity, please make it clear. In my opinion, it would be idiotic to suffer for a long time without any prospects for improvement. And I will not go to hell – I am an atheist, we are not allowed to go further from the graves.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №143551
 02.08.2017
CJ remembered...

But if you have a normal relationship with your father, ask him how he met his mother. And you will be surprised to learn that already in the USSR, where there was no sex, girls have quite successfully demonstrated their interest and initiative.

At the very beginning of the collapse of the USSR, when the first sex timidly began to appear in the vast homeland, a girl named Deryuga studied with us in the institute, quite sympathetic, only her legs were covered with black hair. Once the girls hinted to her about depilation, such as a guy during sex is pleasant to smooth a gentle leg. She replied, “I’m not fucked at all. I am a fucking guy, I am a fucking guy who has his leg (in terms of hair).
When they talk about initiative women, I always think of Deryuga, and I think how good that my acquaintances are relatively uninitiative)))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143550
 02.08.2017
We had an uncle named Snicks. It started with someone asking, “What do you do, Snice?” The other continued: “Cruiser Aurora.” And then it came up: "and Snica is not the fate of the cosmodrome for us", "And love with a mad bird will break your window, I will again be Snica for you, I will be Snica anyway"... Everyone considered it his duty to remember as many songs as possible with the mention of his surname, direct competition arranged.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143549
 02.08.2017
Season 7 Episode 3 Game of Thrones We sit at home and watch...
Joy Snow says Daenerys "... You will rule the guest..."
The woman asked: "How, how will she rule? by the guest? What is it?"
Long discussed about GOSTs and SNIPs for the rule of seven kingdoms, did not come to a consensus.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №143548
 02.08.2017
In the kindergarten I had a best friend, he was called Andrew. At the end of the kindergarten we agreed to walk every day after I came back, and I went to the sea with my mom. When we returned, he was nowhere, which made me very upset.

My mother was religious, so she took me to church. And during one of the services I learned from my grandmothers that my friend died and his parents were in prison. Mom and dad calmed me for a long time, and then, over time, I just forgot about it.

It would seem like a terrible story, but only recently, when I came back from the store with my mom, we met his dad and talked. What was my surprise when it turned out that they just moved to the other end of the city.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №143547
 02.08.2017
xxx: These memories will make me laugh - "Oh, and what games we played as children in the 80s, went to the railway, ran on the construction, oh how did we survive at all".
I beg you fucking. That’s how we survived in the 90s, with the royal alcohol and acetone vodka in every barrel a day, that’s what I understand.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №143546
 02.08.2017
Life is a run with barriers for a short distance, and the finish tape can be stretched anywhere.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №143545
 02.08.2017
The conversation went on about GMOs... The topic is overwhelming, but this time they decided to smash Petrovich. He was half a day, so he had a chance to listen to fairy nonsense... But it didn’t happen at all.

Are you afraid to eat GMO?
In other words, you are not always afraid of it.
How is it?
At night in the forest, for example, you should not be afraid of animals, but of people. understandably?
How about GMOs?
If I eat a sandwich with salmon, should I be afraid if all these proteins are mixed in modified wheat? But the very fact that people have thought about this before, you have to be afraid.
Why is?
Well, I’m here with you, Sysadmin, I’m programming a little. DNA is the same program, only written with an unknown code. And biologists like hackers are trying to hack. I just changed the code and saw what happened. Now I began to think about what. But the means of programming on DNA are not yet available, so they are essentially the same hackers. It will take a dozen or two years and the DNA will break completely. Programming tools will be written. Type C++ or AutoCAD. He introduced the characteristics of the organism – the computer has dried up – here is your DNA. And the 3D printer will print the embryo of this case. A pink elephant on her birthday. This is where the humor begins. The ants that bite with sinic acid, organisms with counters - such as the twentieth generation of nursery cats suddenly generates metric cockroaches-man-eating, wheat that gives only one harvest. But instincts can be prescribed in the genes. Wolves who want to come to a certain region and cut people out there. They have the same instinct. I don’t talk about bacteria and viruses. And it turns out that GMO safety is a matter of decency and ethics. When did people suffer decently? This is what is terrible... People should be afraid, not the crap.

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