I sleep. Phone call to the work phone, time 10:30 am. I wake up, turn off the sound, pull up. I roll for 10 minutes, get up, pull, open the morning reports, browse... like everywhere all the norms, no emergency, emergency and other HS.
I call back on an unanswered call... I talk to work for 15 minutes, I lay the phone.
I eat breakfast and watch YouTube. I go to the shower, and in an hour of the day without rush go to work, taking lunch with me in a plastic container. I work quietly until 21:00.

Everything would be cool if it wasn’t one 'but': All this happens on Saturday, my weekend (

from JJ:
American swimmer Michael Phelps, who has won the Olympic Games 23 times, intends to swim against a white shark.

The competition is scheduled for July 23. TV channel Discovery, which is the organizer of this event, has not yet announced the place of the swimming.

The format of the competition between man and predator is unknown.

No comments from the competitor have yet been received.

after long unsuccessful attempts to adjust the site admin properly:
Well, let’s postpone until Monday, I’ll look at the job for a fresh head.
WOW: If it doesn’t work, we’ll take the drum and dig on.
I immediately warn you that it is uncomfortable to dig the drum...

From Advertising :
- Buy on the map "Conscience"...

Oh, now the sellers will ask: "Do you have a conscience?"
I have no conscience and have not.
I do not use my own.
He has lost his conscience.
The unconscious...

My wife moved to another town for a month and a half. Now every day asks for a photo report on the condition of the apartment and the screen of contextual advertising

Congregatio: I promised to tell you how this thing works:
[Photo spray to scare cats from wires and furniture]
I tell you: this piece can not only scare off cats from wires, but also owners, and neighbors in a radius of a hundred kilometers, and can generally be used to drive demonstrations.
It smells like... I don’t even know... a wet potato bag with some chemistry. Marcus walks around the sprayed place along a wide arc, unhappy with his nose.

Offlerthekrok: We tried to squeeze something like that on the couch. Kosharik obviously did not like the smell, so I beat him, turning his face as far as possible.

The secret of the Swiss people is that before, these wary mountaineers in everyone in the district repelled the desire to climb to them. That is why they protect the Vatican.

He excavated the Verroof button from the keyboard so as not to turn off the computer by accidental pressing.
A colleague wanted to turn off the scroll, long wondered why this button is not in place, and thought to press a pencil. Now I think it’s better to cut off contacts or pour a hole.

Periodically I eat in all kinds of KFCs, Burgers and etc.
I go there and first of all I pay attention to the cashiers. Of the favourites: Keremet, Sirga, Intizor, Shurukan and Begima)) as if he had fallen into some order of ancient magicians.

"Well, let’s start with God" spoke our professor of scientific atheism.

Yes Yes Yes
Being a cat

If you want a crazy cat without castration, the best cats and tranquility for the fate of the children - be an elite breed cat-producer.

Driving to the noisy exhibitions in the breaks between exhausting chases, gruming, inspection, judges and spectators, your children can finish whatever they want and at six years of age you are still castrated because you have become too old to withstand reproduction.

No, did you think? They put sand in all their pockets. They are completely in the sand. and s
Soon there will be a bunch of children lying there and they will not be able to get out!

You always know where your child is. But there is a question. If the magnet is so strong that it holds a child behind a pocket with a handful of iron sand, how will the child himself break that handful from the common pile?

It's easier: parents release the kids, wait for them to run to the sandbox and pick up the sand in their pockets, and turn on the electromagnet! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! to

I told all my colleagues that I have a twin so I don’t say hello if I happen to meet them in the city.

This is:
xxx: the childhood on the big sometimes resembles self-propelled missiles. At first, he is driving normally, but he suddenly turns straight to you, looks you in the eyes, while, what is typical, does not brake or turn away.

Adults are worse. It goes straight to you, and the eyes are empty and transparent. No one is on the way.
You know how scary it is at these moments. Not because you’re riding a bicycle, but because you’re not being seen. Or not at all :(

Boss: You’ve been late to work three times this week. Do you know what it means?
Today is only Wednesday.

I know I’m not saying this often enough, but thank you for not showing me photos of your children.

I ordered pizza. After half an hour, the operator called, tell, the courier is delayed, choose a soda as a gift. We sit and wait for a cold pizza. Within two hours, it turns out that the order is completed. There are ninja turtles in Moscow.

Being a cat

If you want a crazy cat without castration, the best cats and tranquility for the fate of the children - be an elite breed cat-producer.

Dad, have you adopted me?
I: Not yet, but we are not losing hope.

I am currently reading the instructions for a new washing machine, there are all the items like the usual, like "Don't hit the brick there".
And then suddenly comes the point: "During the washing, silver ions do not form in the washing machine". Fuck, I was hoping.

Children are prohibited from performing the cleaning and maintenance of the device without supervision. Fuck, why do we need kids now?