bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141863
 02.06.2017
Silesta: By the way, about washing the ceiling.Once a father brought a 4-liter bowl of condensed water with a patch. And we decided to cook it in the cage...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №141862
 02.06.2017
If I had agreed to live outside the city, it would only be behind a high fence fitted with a mine field, and the echo of distant explosions would tell me that someone wanted to visit my possessions.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141861
 02.06.2017
Cannibals are not ashamed to eat raw pioneers. Pioneers are always ready!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141860
 02.06.2017
xxx: From the Hedhunter came a letter with the theme: "Vladislav, what if your childhood dreams become a reality?"
xxx: Not long thinking pressed "Respond" and wrote: "The world will be captured by machines and people will not be before searching for work..."
XXX: I'm sitting and waiting for you

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141859
 02.06.2017
Walked with his wife and daughter for 6 years, to move to the other part of the street went down to the underground crossing. In it, a man was playing on a dude collecting money, the daughter approached and looked into the bank.
Polina, what are you doing?
I thought my uncle had a snake there, and there was some money.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141858
 02.06.2017
xxx: I was somehow watching the show, so there the wife of her husbands killed for years, adding arsenic to the juices
Rabbit, you are not that?
Not that you... I add to the soup.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141857
 02.06.2017
I am a choreographer.
I say to my little ones: "Batman".
One feeds: "Not Batman, but Batman"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141856
 02.06.2017
The wiser a man is, the more stupid his mistakes seem to him.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141855
 02.06.2017
One of the most ingenious bets in history occurred in England, in the 18th century. In the city of Brighton, a wealthy butcher named Bullock offered a bet to a young aristocrat, Count Barrymore. What’s interesting is that Bullock, being a man who was well-trained, but rather ingenious, proposed to the Count, who was passionate about athletics, to compete in running. The butcher boldly stated that he intended to overtake the young Barrymore on a 100 meters course, but on the condition that he chooses a place for the race and leaves behind a 35-meter forum. The winning amount is equal to the value of the entire business of the butcher. The Count accepted the challenge. A few minutes before the race, the butcher revealed his plan. It turns out that he chose the narrowest street of Black Lion Lane for the race, and when the Count easily caught up with the enemy, he simply couldn’t stand up to overtake. The Count accepted the defeat and paid the entire amount of the contract.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141854
 02.06.2017
As a child, I was frightened that if I lost my passport, I would be credited, married and sold as a slave.
It happened to me, but I didn’t lose my passport.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141853
 02.06.2017
Bring me an ally flower.
It is good that the overseas monster does not ask
Why does he have one more?
It has broken out.)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141852
 02.06.2017
borg: directly from the station "Leningradskaya" electric buses go to Podolsk
Dasha: Well good 😉
Dasha: Take a beer and an hour and a half on the way ;)
faster than the car.
Beer makes electricity out of competition

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141851
 02.06.2017
Marriage is a confirmation of love or at least attachment, warm feelings.

It is worth clarifying that this installation has only advanced in mass over the last 100-200 years. Previously, love for the spouse before the wedding was only a pleasant bonus, not obligatory at all. In some cultures, young men were not allowed to see each other before they got married, and in others, the wedding was cancelled if they learned that the future spouses liked each other.

So let’s be honest: Between love and marriage is the same connection as between bed and bed. It is nice, of course, to fall asleep in your own bed, but you can sleep on the couch, and on the chair, and on the floor if you are very pressed.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №141850
 02.06.2017
Talk about sex after 30

I am 32 and I have, for example, knees already crushing, but only once or twice, then nothing. I always go to the bathroom before work. My husband probably thinks I’m taking a shower, and I’m sitting there under the noise of water to melt.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141849
 02.06.2017
The news:
Russian Post plans to create its own airline
The commentary:
Immediately endless queues appear when registering for a flight, and the shattered aircraft will fly away or get lost along the way. The flight time is 40 days, regardless of the distance.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141848
 02.06.2017
Our cat complains daily of the surrounding reality that she is not loved, not appreciated and not respected as an adult person.

If short, then they don’t let her eat in the quantities she would like :)

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №141847
 02.06.2017
The friend again has a bathroom exacerbation with complications in the area of the beaches and metastases in spirituality.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141846
 01.06.2017
Short description of TZ:
Duels of Indian heroes on Indian weapons in Indian decorations.
No need to dance.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141845
 01.06.2017
Message from the project manager in the corporate chat:

For analysts working with [systems name]: A task has been created to record an unknown whore that has been wrecked by a fellow under our sensitive guidance.
If you see something strange - write there, don't be ashamed. Formalization is not necessary, but do not cover the hooks - Jira is not ours.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141844
 01.06.2017
(Case from discussion of cooking meat in the salad for the march)

The AAA:
Young students decided to cook meat in the group, drank well, but ate poorly and fell asleep.
They wake up in the morning from a terrible baby. They ran to the kitchen – there everything smoked, the meat was already burning... Then one grabbed the burning pot and threw it into the open window. It was a warm night and the windows were open.
But it failed, and the pot fell into the vertical partition of the window frame, in that that in the middle of the window. As a result, it all collapsed on the floor. The burning meat and fat flew across a large area.
Which as having extinguished the fire and cleaned up, they decided that it was better to squeeze in time until the owner of the apartment came.
When the owner (X) came, he also did not kill himself very much, because the next day he flew for a month in the mountain.

The culmination was the arrival of X home after the march.
Even in the elevator he noticed that the neighbor looked at him somewhat strangely.
Opening the apartment, X almost fell from the horror. Thro the floor flourishes. It turns out that the same students forgot to cook a piece of raw meat lost under the bed.

The AAA:
A substantial clarification of x!
The apartment has just been bought. He put the iron door, but there was no seal yet. Therefore, the dwarfs pulled out of the door and ran down the staircase, falling into the staircase to the lower floors.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna