bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141543
 21.05.2017
Catlin Onim, [21.05.17 15:17]
Sometimes I want to knock my head on the wall.
I need a 4x6 carpet. There are no such. "Okay okay, give me two carpets 2x3, I'll lie next to them"

Catlin Onim, [21.05.17 15:18]
And you know, I’ll tell you, it’s not that simple to prove that you’ll need 4 carpets. even with the use of drawings and other visual aid

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141542
 21.05.2017
Wikipedia is understandable

Blessed

Side - mesoforms of the rule relief, which are the crevices of the alluvia, which are submerged in floods and floods and dry in the mesh, connecting with the shore

I read it ten times, at first I thought I was just chewing.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141541
 21.05.2017
<rittyan> off-top: I need to get excited, coffee to take better at Starbucks or in Dublín?
<Bldzhad> in the coffee machine at work take
<Bldzhad> the same shit, but free

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141540
 21.05.2017
I live in Rwanda. Yesterday I spoke to a Rwandan, an indigenous inhabitant of the country’s capital city of Kigali, a couple of kilometers from my home. My uncle in 50 years.

He says:

When I was a kid, Kigali was smaller, three streets and all. In the place where we were sitting, there was a forest. Here, the antilopes were grazing in abundance. And the leopard ate my uncle.

I was genuinely pleased to live in Kigali now, not in the 1960s. I would not have been able to write on the internet then, because it has not yet been invented. And probably a leopard would eat me, because I run slowly.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №141539
 21.05.2017
to this

But GMOs enhance the toxic effects of DNA! This is on the children’s plate. Think of the children!

Immediately ban the DNA! There are toxic effects!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141538
 21.05.2017
Q: Do you remember that I had a mole in my pharmacy box?
I feel sympathy with you, bro.
HH: So, I was tormented all this time by the thought: why in the tablet boxes there is, in the instructions there is, even just so on the bottom of the box there is, and in the cotton it is not. All versions were made...
WOW: Well what? not tomy
XHH: It’s okay with this world. There is a watt too.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141537
 21.05.2017
xxx: I had my name wrongly written in the docks before, Jorj. And one day in the hospital they wrongly filled out the document from the hand, then transferred to the computer, and I was recorded with them as a Tort.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №141536
 21.05.2017
Watching the movie, the wife suggested who the lover of the heroine, I ask her:
How do you know?
The Wife:
A woman’s cheek tells me!
O_O

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141535
 21.05.2017
Today I experienced the curse of the Russian Post. He arrived half an hour before the opening, hoping to be the first visitor, and a aunt with a thick pack of ordered letters was already standing in front of the door.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141534
 21.05.2017
xxx: "he wanted so much that it didn’t work" (c)
YYY: It describes my whole life.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141533
 21.05.2017
But GMOs enhance the toxic effects of DNA! This is on the children’s plate. Think of the children!

Yyyy: Actually, I didn’t think about the kids. I will never eat children who have eaten GMOs.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №141532
 21.05.2017
When I was 5 years old, I was left alone in my apartment. Not for the whole day, but 3-4 hours had to spend locked up, doing their children's stuff. Of course, conscientious parents every time conducted an instruction on the subject: "Do not open the door to anyone, we have the keys, sit quietly, as if no one is at home" and so on.

I followed the instructions, and even prepared a "weapon" - an old vacuum cleaner, in case the robbers were more persistent. But everything was quiet, no one was interested in our lost door. Apart from that day.

Once again, waiting for my parents, I heard them knocking at the door. The bell we had was disgusting - a hysterically whispering bird - and someone behind the door pressed on him, not letting go. After a moment, excited and upset by this whisper, I decided to care not about the prohibitions of my parents and ask "who is there." Khatam presented himself as an employee of the gorgaz and severely that the house leaked, you need to urgently check all the apartments, or it can be very bad. Having issued this, he began to ring the door again, and I seemed paralyzed, because I had already broken all the rules, recalled, and now you can definitely expect trouble. Khatam again began to frighten me with a gas leak, then asked if there are adults at home, and who and how much (then I would be alert). There was a failure in the child’s brains and I replied, “Nobody’s Home.” The man apparently understood that I was bad and began to assure me that he was definitely not a bandit, not bad, that he just does his job and may even show a certificate. We didn’t have an eye, but it was possible to open the door to the chain, and once I didn’t care about the instinct of self-preservation, I decided that this was the best option. In case I took my weapon, I turned the key, the door slightly opened, hanging on the chain, and before me stood an ambal. Uncle pulled to the chain to remove it and open the door entirely, and then it came to me that it was not the gas he came to check: exhausted, I knocked the man with a pipe on his fingers, with which he shrugged the chain, and with all his five-year-old silhouette lay on the door. It was not very open and I managed to immediately tap the key for one turn. The man did not expect such a parish, realizing what happened began to knock on the door, scream and ring the bell. Fortunately, his bullying attracted the attention of the neighbor and he dropped him down the stairs.

My parents came in half an hour, but all that time I sat and locked myself in the bathroom. With tubes in pins.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141531
 21.05.2017
Another introduction to stupor.
The story was in the late 1980s. I walk on the street, very young) I chew gum and try to learn to blow out bubbles. Nothing goes. I go, think of something my own, concentrated. And I feel that it will work out now. Only I literally gathered, at this moment some sad young man approaches me with a question:
Can you tell me what time?
And I am all, I am already in the process. In short, the scene, I look at it and slowly blow out such a luxurious bubble! My joy has no limits! I try to remove all this from the face and still answer, but the young man did not wait, said even more sadly "thank you" and went somewhere in his affairs)))

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141530
 21.05.2017
Static Space: My acquaintance gave birth without a husband (the father was quickly crucified, she preferred the transcript in the testimony), so the child has been married twice and widowed twice...
How to classify it?
Dominatrix: Catapult with trailer.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141529
 21.05.2017
News "Ridley Scott is making a series on EVE Online"

One of the comments: first 40 minutes show the miner who grabs an asteroid and 5 minutes of a suicide who in illusion explodes it. The series will break all the patterns :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141528
 21.05.2017
It happened to watch a week old Russian film "Dumb" and a new American "Stop". It seems that he has managed to determine the main difference between our and their filmmakers: they have an intrigue in how the main character is confused, we - he is confused or not.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141527
 21.05.2017
The Miracle:

It is like horror films. If suddenly some shit pops out of the bushes, then it is a nerve crack. And if two hours of the film no action, a dull tense atmosphere, then in the end Godzilla and a bunch of maniacs are perceived skeptically. Disappointment and one thought: "And was it worth the garden for this?".

You don’t seem to have to ask if you love Hitchcock.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №141526
 21.05.2017
I understand why the sanitary machines are constantly blowing! Yesterday I was taking and constantly switching the current connection on the counter... Before "repair" it was in one place, after - it began to flow from ALL four connections.
Tagged: ahah
ххх: I looked carefully at my hands – did they not cross the connection from the shoulder to the buttocks? It seemed like it worked before...
XHH: I gathered it again. Fum-tapes wrapped - enough for the mummy... flowing, infection! Where the rainbow splashes!
I’ll also be laughing at it.)
In short, I was upset, shut off the water and went to watch hockey. Under the whiskey with collie..After the match from grief drank already clean-up
Huhh: And huli - water is needed, used again to these fittings, whatever and messing up... So here - hui I collected everything from the first time and at least somewhere dropped! This is, in the course, a necessary condition for working with sanitary. Why is it not written in the instructions?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141525
 21.05.2017
I don’t like dudes, and with people like you, I’t sit at the same table.

That’s why I have to look like a fool: so that people like you don’t come to me at the table.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141524
 21.05.2017
Do you drink tequila properly?
Yyy: What can I do here, slipped, drank, ate.
Zzz: You just described the boss’s birthday...

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