The IT department joked about accounting.
I am a buch of s/p, management and TMC. Recently there was an inventory. When I went and checked whether the compops and notes were properly attached to the employees, the people reacted calmly, but the company's rules are such that we had to attach also mice and even calculators. Then everyone began to roar. Like, in fact, me too.
And today the phpshnik brings me a type of wireless mouse, in a package, new. I said, cleaned up in the boxes, found, fixed on the sisadmin, bla bla bla... I watched — a mouse like a mouse. I say OK, he is leaving. The second comes, stands in the door and shakes like a cat under the bathroom.
It was a chocolate mouse. and souvenir. I was in a state of hysteria.
I need to find a monopoly at home today, I will give them, ah =)

Dr.Provocateur: Being classy for half an hour every day can be almost any moral wicked.

I am looking for work. Description of the vacancy:

"The features of our work - we work in a very tight schedule - in the mode of constant deadlines, it's interesting and exciting"

It’s such a mess, you want to go there right away, right?

Which Egyptians were dissolved in?
Maybe the Russians dissolved under the Mongolian yoke?
Specifically, the Russian civilization, in my person, does not want and will not dissolve.
You can dissolve among anyone. But I think you have already dissolved. Among the chickens :D
— — —
The Egyptians who built the pyramids dissolved among the Arabs who came there much later.
The Russians and the Mongols were very confused. What is noticeable in appearance, and in common surnames, and in borrowings in the language (in Russian Turkic words are much more than in Ukrainian, Belarusian or Czech). There was no complete dissolution - there were not so many of those Mongols. The Mongols, by the way, in their time conquered China. And after several generations dissolved in it clearly, there remained some high-ranking Chinese, proud of their origins from Genghis Khan.
The Russian civilization in your face can only dissolve itself in sulfuric acid. But will your grandchildren be able to read this text without the Russian-Arab dictionary - the question.

We are looking for a landslide for donuts. According to rumors, one suitable in our area was in some private. We try to get out of him.
After another phone call, the boss said through tears of laughter:
There was, therefore, this earthquake behind one office. A lawyer worked in that office. And she entered into a conspiracy with a private person, made documents, as in the office, with an unnoticeable to the careless look difference. I didn’t fake it, I just got the same stuff. A private person became the director of a newborn duo and grabbed the unit to himself. These two geniuses had time to sit down and get out.
Where is the earthquake now?
And the fuck now knows him.

After a painful stroke.
XXX: So good when you don't want to be fooled
XXX: We should appreciate it.

The name?

by Van Helsing.

The profession?

Operator of call center. I have an osteoarthritis, I am operating it.

Peter, we go for a walk with the dog. The dog is removed on the lawn away from the light of the lamp and carefully leaves the pile. Following her, her mom goes with the newspaper to remove this bunch, squeezes a little, and then shares the thought: "The most difficult thing in this business is to find its own."

Churchill drank a bottle of cognac every day

yyy: and only his wife understood what the "blue Winston" was.

"Control of pig pig pigs in "Ashana" showed the permissible content of horse meat".

A new blasphemy is born:

You are a pig! With permissible content of horse.

A 80-year-old woman in a dress "under the zebra", with large earrings in her ears and a bright red manicure, speaks on the phone at the entrance to "Bulanjeri":

Seriously, I don’t understand you. What are you breaking? The grandchildren will take you to the train, take you into the wagon, unload you to the shelf, you will be shaken a little, and in the morning we and the girls will overload you in a comfortable taxi and bring you to the place. What are you saying? What years? I did not understand. Not those years? Why not those years? You don’t even have to get up, Vera. You were taken, moved, laid, taken again, moved, laid. From hand to hand, from hand to hand, and you are no longer there, but here. Your task, Vera, is very simple – lying down, drinking champagne and occasionally sending signals to others that you are still alive and want supplements.

serehio: It turns out to be a forum of porcelain doll collectors. And dolls, it turns out, have standards of size. 12, 19 and 25. And there some lady asks where to buy a puppet man with a height of 19 cm.
Serehio: Now it is somehow uncomfortable to look a wife in the eyes.
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
It happens :) We in class in the ninth or tenth with a classmate somehow discussed one therapeutic shampoo, good, but quite expensive and in small bottles. The largest was milliliters by two hundred with something, the others were even smaller. Here we are actively outraged by the smallness of these bottles, gesturing: "If this (showing the approximate size of the bottle on the fingers) they call "big", then what then "little"?and "
And then we notice that the guy who entered the class unnoticed stuck in the door and watched our conversation with horror.

On the wedding day, the brides worry in vain whether the dress will like the bridegroom. Because the bridegroom does not think about the dress. When he goes for the bride, he thinks if he should turn around to go home. Then, in the process of ransom - "blin, maybe you should have turned around?" and after the first glass of champagne he already likes everything.

Funny troll, think about how Americans will pay for themselves (and in fact, they will be left without medicine, pensions and investments for 20 years, and there will be the remains of infrastructure (the average age of which is now more than 45 years old) will collapse)
and...
I am 40 years old. Of those, 30 I hear that the West is rotten.
I would also like to crack. It is no longer possible to bite.

xxx: "Ikea" (Sweden) - interdomain, meaning " what is it? I was just going for bamboo glasses, where are the 8 cuts???and "

I love the forest, where you can hide your bodies.

In the office with a small group worked a girl. The girl was nice, fun, colleagues fed, in general, friends. Once the boss calls the girl on the carpet for some providence, and reports long, qualitatively. The guys under the door listened a little - the matter is already going to tears, you need to save a girlfriend. They go to the kitchen, take the refrigerator and take it to the office to the boss, connect it to the socket. The further dialogue:

What is this?
The refrigerator.
Why Why?
What, is it not needed? Then we take.

And they take. The excuse ended on its own.

From the comments to one app that "effectively improves brain function":

I began to see dead people, but the numbers started to be good.

Here are the rings.
And let’s take the Indian example of women will paint a spot on their foreheads when married? Expand the system. If divorced, repaint it in a strap. If you get married a second time, another point. If you’re married, but don’t mind walking :) If it doesn’t matter, but the husband can get a mouth - :(
And next to it is a set of icons: not reaching 18 years - #, waiting for a potential puppy of expensive gifts - $, in the case of pregnancy and divorce will wage alimony -%, has a sloping-aggressive character - @, considers himself coolest of all - *, other dangers -!

If it’s serious: it’s a man’s job to wear a ring or not. It is not a suitcase from which the mark is torn and the owner is unknown. He may, in the presence of his wife, stumble, which is criminally unpunishable. Maybe in the absence of the wife does not want romance at all or with this lady in particular. You may not be married, but you may be friends. Most men can express this by voice or gestures if necessary. Those who can’t, the sanitary is attached to them, and he will expose for them.

Sergei Lavrov, Minister of Foreign Affairs, did he argue at a press conference?
I watched the video, I saw clearly "Debile, shit".
But! This is about whom? About the questioner or about the one whose SMS the minister read a minute earlier?
Question to Knowledge:
From whom did Lavrov get the SMS?