bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №108189
 15.01.2015

Stanislav Beev: Let’s write what Daniel Defoe assumed that Robinson and Friday were lovers? Or Conan Doyle supposed that Holmes and Watson were lovers, and also Gerontophiles, Mrs. Hudson, and another hot thing.) Can you imagine what he will raise?
They will applaud.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №108188
 15.01.2015
Dialogue with my husband:
I have a few of your socks in the box.
Oh my God! My socks were in the ghetto. There are black ones! I hope they are not offended.
M is Nea. The little ones are not touched.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №108187
 15.01.2015
We cut goats on a Dutch farm.
The team was international: five people armed with scissors and cohesion.
I will tell you, goats are neither goats nor even lambs. A goat is a large animal under one and a half centimeters of weight, which can quite stand for itself.
It was the last mother goat we could not cope with.
At the corner, the Dutchman made a cut. The goat fell. They worked lightning: I immediately put the goat on the head, the guys grabbed the foot and began to quickly cut the goat.
In the process, the Dutchman, as the owner of the farm, decided to engage in a conversation on the topic of what words different peoples use in such situations. In the Dutch “country”, in the English “shield”, in the Polish “curvy”.
In Russian, I made my contribution.
During such a cultural conversation, the Dutch man breaks his scissors. The goat instantly releases the leg from the capture and tastingly beats it with an uncut copper right into the forehead.
“Courriers, crazy, are our favorites anywhere on the planet. proven by experience.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №108186
 15.01.2015
But in principle, I was given one important offer.
“I’ll give you 100 megabits and plenty of food.”
Marquise: I think for a nervous like him, it’s almost like a promise to get married.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108185
 15.01.2015
From stones to rocks there:Citizens, where can you download the entire series "Sanctions against Russia" completely? Looking forward to the weekend, I want to watch all the series!! to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108184
 15.01.2015
This is:
We look forward to opening the packaging. And we see the completely new, clean, fresh 386DX.
24 is yes.

They are now museums for $500 Buy) so it is quite normal storage)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №108183
 15.01.2015
I read the instructions for the drug, the side effects section: increased libido, hypersexuality, pathological attraction to gambling, depression.
I will be with a sad face turning the roulette by raping a man.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №108182
 15.01.2015
From the discussion of the film "P-51: Dragon Fighter", in which the Americans in 1943 fight on the P-51 mustang against dragons.
I have a story for our movie. In 1944, in August, Hitler tested the development of Ananerbe and us from the Urals mountains used underground rats... and used both in the direction of Moscow and to the plants outside the Urals... the main hero - a believing politician-pederaist, combined with the commander of the tank - IS-2. His crew is a Crimean Tatar spy, hiding that he is a believing Muslim, charging - a Ukrainian, hiding that he is a former banderou, fur - a bearded pop, hiding that he is a woman, and a shooter-radist - a pribalt, hiding that he is a pedestrian! They are the only hope of the country for victory against the outcasts and in the war in general!
Wow, that’s who writes Michalkov’s script!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108181
 15.01.2015
The child bought a Lego - set for collecting machine. The cover depicts a model, so that one rear wheel is not visible. What would you think?
We opened the box, the number of wheels coincided with the number shown on the cover. No the fourth.

— — —
Lego sends the missing details of the designer for free. And also in writing apologize for the spoiled pleasure of collecting.


[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108180
 15.01.2015
Names of different countries in other languages. Probably the most "lucky" of Germany: English. This is Germany, Poland. Niemcy and Franz. Germany and date. Germany and Finland. and Saksa. They call themselves Germany.

[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №108179
 14.01.2015
We laughed at Glonass. But when all surrounding state enterprises began to be forcibly transferred to it, it became not so funny, and when talks about banning the work of ground-based GPS adjustment stations began, it was not at all to laugh. This is called “use of administrative resources” and “unfair competition.”
__________________
That is, when the Americans prohibit us from hosting our stations, is it a fair competition? And when we want to answer them with the same, is it horror, a nightmare and deprivation of liberty?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108178
 14.01.2015
1st I am the department, the department is me. The existence of the department without me is hard and unbearable, the existence of me is meaningless. I am the beginning and the end, alpha and omega. My way was short and bright in the day of a hard hour, and my strength was running out.
...
2nd ***, so and say, I like a horse reworked on holidays when others whipped like blue goats and I accumulated weekends for a whole vacation, let me please bring myself to the proper state of mind because the shaft is passed and I do not stand up until February.
1st Well. How is it.
2nd Write two statements.
1st ! to Why two?
2nd On holidays and on prizes.
1st I fly! The boots!

Almost a man.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №108177
 14.01.2015
The army, it’s for the stupid, and you’re... another nearby consumer puppy that’s sure it should be just him. For what? Shit, where are you from so many?
=========
Begin the army!

Name at least one Russian leader who served in the army.
Colonel Brezhnev, Colonel Nikolai Romanov and a member of the military councils Khrushchev are not counted. It is not trouble. It is needed for those who pulled the soldier's blade and smelled the powder.
When you finish thinking, answer the question. Why did the leaders of the country not serve in the army, and I should? and :)

Remember the Immortal Four:

We want to live our lives,
He lived as a great leader.
serving in the army,
Lenin served in it.


[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №108176
 14.01.2015
I sit at work. Message from a loved one:

WOW: How can I twist the light bulb if the light bulb itself has flown out and that metal piece is left inside?
XHH: Wait for me.
I want to, I can almost everything.
XHH: Okay, take the flat clamps with insulation, push the clamps into the cartridge, push them out, and carefully twist against the clock.
What to move? Where to sit?
Do the O'key sign with your left hand, push the two fingers of your right hand there and melt them, then turn the big finger toward yourself. Do the same with lights and lamps.
I’d rather go to the store for the cabbage.
A hat, a humanitarian

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108175
 14.01.2015
“A new blitzkrieg has begun against us, and therefore against the truth,” the authors of the letter [The document was signed by 15 people, including actor Mikhail Porechenkov, director Nikita Mikhalkov, Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin and Minister of Culture Vladimir Medinsky], proposing to move on to an ideological counter-offensive across the front.
= is
"I am the truth", someone tell these comrades about the mania of greatness...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108174
 14.01.2015
Second working day in the new year and in the new office. The speed of the internet is weak, thank you for having at all: we are all sitting through a home router on a waffle, because of the load. The worker stumbled. Most people do not have work, too. The customers have not awakened yet.
Q: Is it so low speed that I don’t even have an online radio?
See also: UGU!
WHO WHO WHO! You - the radio through the Internet, and I can not choose the washing machine because of your radio for the second hour!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №108173
 14.01.2015
But when I saw in the discussion 451 degrees Fahrenheit Bradbury comparison with Donzova's painting and 50 shades of gray...
This is the same thing......
Or maybe they meant that these books should be done just as in that work?

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №108172
 14.01.2015
For a month or so, I wanted to get married.
And yesterday I reviewed "Three Colors: Blue" and realized that not, nifiga, sublimation: I really want a piano

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108171
 14.01.2015
Recently viewed the demotivator:

To be a beautiful man, little pumping, you need to grow a beard.

The idea, of course, is good. But... beautiful (!!!) and O_O

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108170
 14.01.2015
Begin the army!
Name at least one Russian leader who served in the army.
Colonel Brezhnev, Colonel Nikolai Romanov and a member of the military councils Khrushchev are not counted. It is not trouble. It is needed for those who pulled the soldier's blade and smelled the powder.
— — —
Suddenly: Brezhnev in 1935-1936 served in the army: a curator and political truck of the tank company in Zabajkalya (Peschanka village 15 km southeast of the city of Chita). He studied at the courses of motorization and mechanization of the Red Army, at the end of which he received his first officer's title - lieutenant.
Khrushchev fought in 1918-1919: first in the Donbass, against Kaledin, then on the Tsaritsynsk front.
We only know them already on more solid positions.

Nevertheless, I sincerely believe that military affairs in the 21st century are a job for professionals, and those who have chosen another job should undergo short courses (for example, a couple of months after 10th grade and repeat another 2-3 times with an interval of 3-4 years) to know how, in case of urgent mobilization, to burn out uniforms, load weapons and proceed to the place of collection. Two-year (now, thank you, one-year) living in a barracks, mocking the barracks and other army fun is a banal budget settlement and waste of time.

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