bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №102449
 03.09.2014
A Greek hotel village on the shore. Around, not counting the shopping malls, only hotels, populated, mostly, by Russians, Ukrainians, Germans, and Greeks. Early morning. Silence, because everyone sleeps after night bars and walks. The silence before dawn is suddenly cut by the song of the muezzin, calling for the morning prayer.
I respect the religion of others. I always respect and understand the needs of other people to perform religious rituals. and honestly.
But on the early morning of the weekend, I thought that this was the way religious wars could begin. I don’t think anywhere in a deaf Islamic village anyone would be happy if I started ringing the bell in the early morning... :)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №102448
 03.09.2014
here here :
My daughter and I came to a friend, she has a cat of the species of Sphinx. The daughter looked at this bald miracle for a long time, and suddenly she whispered: “Mom, who is this?”
I say:"This is a cat" The following question killed me:
- "Why is it so bad?"

-
Next time you talk about something little-known, this is a quote from the series "Friends"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №102447
 02.09.2014
"Now enough, enough to destroy my ideal world, where you are princesses, and not a herd of wild orcs under a horse stimulant."- Those who are solidary with this speaker - one does not rule out the other) The princesses crack, very love sex, sometimes tough and vicious, and also like to get them made tea and read poems out loud. A woman can be a prostitute in bed, a queen in guests and a mistress in the kitchen; the main thing is, as in an ancient anecdote, not to confuse everything.)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №102446
 02.09.2014
C is picaboo. A little about the Russians.

I stopped sleeping on the night of September 29 in the car between Vladimir and Ivanovo, cut the rubber with a knife and stood nearby, waiting for me to get out. He left on the edge.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №102445
 02.09.2014
Conduct of cars at high speeds:

xxx> After 247 everything is aligned, no whispering... flight is normal.

yyy>If only the cardiogram didn’t align ))))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №102444
 02.09.2014
xxx:"I’ve always been frightened by the esophagus is that he can suddenly bend himself to the side and break his arm or leg";
yyy:"A passage from the film “Iron Man 2”"
zzz:"In this context, the word “paragraph” is somewhat scary..."
from Habr

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №102443
 02.09.2014
A person can function normally if the blood through the vessels will go not with pushes, but with a continuous flow. This was proved by doctors of American Craig Lewis, who died of a heart disease - his life could not save even an electronic cardiac stimulator. As a result, the patient's heart was removed, but connected to a different type of device that helps blood circulate continuously throughout his body. Lewis lived for five weeks literally without a pulse, and his ECG had a straight line all that time. The cause of his death was liver failure due to amyloidosis, which was not associated with the implanted apparatus.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №102442
 02.09.2014
Admission to Tender:
"Fecal pumps - 9 pieces
Area of Application: Street Fountains"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №102441
 02.09.2014
N: We sit with our loved one in the sushi bar, laying out the menu. We got to the alcoholic drinks, then there was a funny dialogue:
- Oh, we still lacked alcohol, one cocktail and I will take you right here on the table.
The waitress!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №102440
 02.09.2014
To your shit:
Why do people suck in elevators?
anti_spam_bot: because it is very scary
(Cited on 16 September 2007)

[ + 27 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №102439
 02.09.2014
From the website of Amor Pais

I grew up in Donetsk. But he had a check-in in Kiev, his grandmother lived there, and they wrote it to her. I think this situation is known to many. And here, a day ago, they call me from the district military committee in Kiev, invite me to arrive with two cowards, with an empty circle, exactly at eight.

The following dialogue followed:
Sorry, but I can’t come!
And why?
Well, first, I am not in Kiev, and second, I am already serving in the army.
- And where do you serve, the number of the military unit, which military machine was called?
I am a volunteer. I fought in the brigade "East", in the Liberation Army of Novorossiya!
That is good! When will you be in Kiev?

by ZANAVES...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №102438
 02.09.2014
Tired of work, the husband at night seeks to fulfill the marital duty. I am :
“Sorry, I’m so tired today (I tell you what mountains I turned for today), but the money is going very well... There’s no power at all, you’ll have to endure a little bit: there’s either money or sex. I have money today.
I have sex! The husband cheers joyfully.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №102437
 02.09.2014
In the State Control hangs the photo of the best seller of the month.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №102436
 02.09.2014
The seller now comes to us in the development department, reflectively looks into the monitor of the chief of the department (the chief at this time writes some proga) and asks with unfailing surprise:
Do you really program here?
All of the department :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №102435
 02.09.2014
Unforgiven48: A familiar told- Worked in the north, guarded a multi-storey. After work in the evening gathered in the apartment on the first floor to drink, after a few bottles everyone came out of the balcony and went home. This lasted about a week. One evening, everything was gathered again only on the 3rd floor. They drank, one man gathered home, said goodbye, and left. A few minutes later another man asks, and which way did he go? Everyone pointed to the side of the balcony, so we say on the 3rd floor then, ran to the balcony, look down, see the picture - sparkly snow and traces, In the morning this man comes alive and unharmed, he is asked you how normal? He says it’s okay, but what is that? Yesterday you fell from the 3rd floor when you were leaving home, you guys - it's okay to carry you, there was no such thing.
Gktuning: There was a similar variant in the army. In the spring, when trying to open one of the deadly painted windows, the glass collapsed and did not insert it. The same window at night most used as a door in order to shorten the way to the needle. As the autumn approached, the senior inserted the glass, only at night someone came out through it. The senior inserted the glass twice again with the same result, until the morning construction announced the installation of the glass and did not glue a cross on the cross of the insulator for reminder.
And what is interesting - all without injuries, the senior in this regard did the entire investigation - even scratches did not find.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №102434
 02.09.2014
The smell of sweat:

I was sitting in a taxi somehow, and there was such a fireplace - even holy carvings. He opened his window so as not to sink to the destination. The driver insulted so, with a ride: "I can't open the windows a month at a time! " I put him on a blue eye, thickened by lack of oxygen: "Here it smells. " So he put me in matts, turned to the side and landed. I don't quite understand - when your income directly depends on the comfort of your passengers, is it so difficult to wash and use a deodorant in the morning? And you talk about some men in buses and metro. At least a bubble.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №102433
 02.09.2014
The phrase about coming to work at the given time is alarming. Untold directors who do not know why they pay employees salary when things go badly and need to show activity are usually strangled on formal occasions such as this - how many minutes late
– – – –
Well, for a few minutes late seller, hairdresser, receptionist in a repair shop, in general any employee directly working with customers - such a little thing, right? You’re above this formalism, quietly climb for 10 minutes in front of the locked door and don’t curse “this scratch,” right?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №102432
 02.09.2014
The British criminal Judah Medkafu managed to avoid the seat because of the enormous height - 2 meters 13 centimeters. The boy turned out to be small and clothes, and the prison chamber itself!
With these circumstances in mind, 23-year-old Medkaf was sentenced to a year of public work and six months of house arrest.
A child stole Christmas gifts and money from a hospital in southwestern England.
By the way, the nickname of the evildoer is "Krocha". A wonderful example of British humour.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №102431
 02.09.2014
Gideon:...I remembered the client who was handed over to the dentists. A 15 year old man argued with a friend that he would put an electric light bulb in his mouth. He could pull it, but not pull it out. Called for help by a comrade - obaltus a couple years older. He, with knowledge of the case, after examining the victim, stated that the head would help. The aid was a lightning blow to the jaw from the bottom up. The light bulb immediately exploded and painted the whole tongue and sky in fragments, the spectacle was terrifying in the amount of blood and so on.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №102430
 02.09.2014
Mmm... Napoleon! This is what we will do.
To cook cake or to capture the world?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna