bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №95727
 23.03.2014
Usually on my weekends, as I wake up, I go out with the dog and on the way back, sometimes, I tie it near the store and go to buy bread. But often, I forget about bread and want to go out again. This time I gathered with thoughts and came home with a bowl of fresh.
Have you taken bread?
I: Yes, here is he.
My wife: I see. Where is the dog?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №95726
 23.03.2014
Yandex decided to show on its Russian server Crimea as part of Russia, and in Ukrainian - as part of Ukraine.
Yyy: So maybe it wasn’t necessary to take Crimea, they just changed the map and everyone thinks it’s Russian, it would be cheaper.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №95725
 23.03.2014
How often do I write in letters "Dear..." just because I can’t convince myself to write "Dear....

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №95724
 23.03.2014
Today, almost all the heads of world powers are tragically killed.
They broke out of laughter when they learned that Ukraine is claiming a place in the ‘G8’.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №95723
 23.03.2014
— — — —
The guy did well. He grumbled while his wife pulled him.
— — — —
So why, without knowing the general picture, immediately shed dirt?
I will tell you about one of my comrades who got into an accident, where he earned fractured fractures of the lower parts of both thighs (hz, as it is called correctly - in general, just above the knees). Comrade was stuck in plaster and longets for more than six months, could not move on its own at all. In the morning, before work, and in the evening, his wife's brother ran, helping him move from bed to chair and back. All day Paška sat alone, but the sense of humor (and self-irony) did not lose. Freelancing a little bit (since the specialist is so for himself, then for work took the easiest and cheapest, except for mobile phones to pay, but it is a matter!) Playing with toys, and so on.
And in such a situation, the story described by the author is quite justified.

You shouldn’t consider people shit until they’ve proven it. be kind.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95722
 23.03.2014
Again, I see, we went into the throw "Ah, Peter is the cultural capital, ah, we are all there cultural".
So, to the attention of the naive lords of throwing, cultural people will never praise themselves, it is simply uncomfortable.

The chairman of the society of lovers of Siamese cats is traditionally appointed by the most scratched member of the society.

[ + 10 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95721
 23.03.2014
For some reason, the inscription on the wall of the sorting in the military commissariat crashed into the memory: "Possat not piercing - like a wedding without harmony!".

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №95720
 23.03.2014
xxx: I am so delighted in the heroes: when the move ends and you try to send the Persian somewhere else, the computer writes an outraged caps.

The hero is tired! The hero has to have a personal life, after all!

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №95719
 23.03.2014
In the course of several days of the war, the Ukrainian army lost 4 tanks and 1 aircraft. One more week of such a war and the Ukrainian army will defeat itself.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №95718
 23.03.2014
The Idiot:
--------

This Dad:
I went by train to Kiev in the summer. We cross the bridge through Dnieper. The coast opposite drowns in greenery, the dome of the churches golden. I send my daughter to watch. A minute later he cried out: “Wow, there is the Statue of Liberty!” and “I’m in horror: “Where?” and “The Motherland with the Sword.” I gave a lecture on national history to my child. Why do 8-year-olds know someone else’s story?
Although, now I look at the news about Ukraine and think: "even if not by the mouth of a baby, don’t give god".
– – – – –
The Motherland, you say? Are you in Kiev? In the Dnieper? Go to school with your daughter, fool, and don’t be ashamed.
– is
Father of four children

– – – – –
You better go to school. You cannot read. This was written by a woman. This is first. Secondly, I would not be ashamed to read about the monument. Yes, hell take, in Kiev there is the Motherland, which is visible over the Dnieper at the entrance from the left bank. The Wise.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №95717
 23.03.2014
XXX: How are you doing?
YYY: It looks like I became a bander.
xxx: 0_o
YYY: I am in favor of an independent western Ukrainian state

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №95716
 23.03.2014
@maxgrishin: The car replacement, I love it. Come see vici. Correcting on Venidiktov Alexey. I send without looking. Thank you, android, for the meaninglessness of my messages and the untrue intrigue of the interlocutors.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №95715
 23.03.2014
XHH: But still the most protective achievement of the current authorities in Kiev is to manage the country through Facebook. All official information, all orders. Even the Ukrainian government channels are there.
WOW: Just Faye can fix the post, if ch). Russia is easy to remove from friends.
I propose to the Russian special services to carry out a DDoS attack on Facebook. This will lead to the paralyzing of power in Ukraine.
Why paralyze the paralysis?
and + 1. I wanted to write first "will lead to chaos in Ukraine". Then I thought... ))

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №95714
 23.03.2014
XX: Do you believe in God?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95713
 23.03.2014

Announcement: "The Verkhovna Rada urgently needs a specialist in relations with reality".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №95712
 23.03.2014
It just seems to you that you have only spread a couple of times, and somewhere you have already started to fill out a form - "Death Certificate."

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №95711
 23.03.2014
hanging

“Whatever they do, they don’t do.
Their mother gave birth on Monday.

The old KGB Ashnik Yuri Tarasovich told me the story of how hard it is to live in the world for thieves and robbers of all kinds, because any movement of their body leaves even insignificant but traces.
However, it all depends on the desire and qualifications of the examiners themselves.
A few years ago, this was the case in Moscow:
An elderly couple decided to buy a car on an advertisement. Not new, but quite serious, more than a million rubles.
Someone, somehow, learned about it and on Sunday, on the eve of the deal, while the owners were in the country, their apartment was carefully opened by three previously convicted musketeers.
They opened up and began a thorough search. Something was found, but not a million, so the villains decided to stop and wait for the masters to tell them:
Okay, we are giving up. So where did you hide the money?
Running forward, I will say that at this point their plan was quite successful - the villains suddenly attacked the returned masters, tied the unfortunate to chairs and almost immediately learned - on which frontsole lies what they need.
At the same time, the bandits seized some kindness, wished the robbed a peaceful night and quietly left.
Fortunately, the owner managed to get out quite quickly, he unleashed his wife and called the police.
And ten minutes later the opera group broke in and found out that there was no evidence at all, even crying.
The victims did not see the faces (the robbers were all the time in masks), according to the talk, apparently not Moscovites, flyers, and not vegetarians (because the sausage in the refrigerator was eaten by swallows), in general, all the rich evidence.
And most importantly, all day, from morning to evening, while they were waiting for their victims, none of them ever removed their gloves.
Well, the telecast was watched, well, the music was listened quietly, the magazines were listed, and unfortunately, none of them broke the passport. How will you find such? What is the passport? They didn’t even phone anywhere.
He is hanging, he is hanging.
The survey of the neighbors also did not give much: - "It seems that there was some gray "Gazel" in the courtyard, or maybe a "Tyrus", who knows him? And now she is not there.”
Of course, no one remembered the numbers, and were they at all?

The circle of people who knew about tomorrow's deal, too, is not clear, the owner even at work boasted that on Monday morning he buys himself a "bowl".
This story could have ended without beginning, if that evening, in the opera group accidentally did not find a single green student of the police school. This was his first day of investigative practice.
And since at the lessons of criminology he was taught that there are no unrevealed crimes, and the concept of "hanging" was invented by the giftless and deceitless, our student was very surprised by the lack of exploration enthusiasm in the older comrades and began to act on his own.
He started looking for traces: in the refrigerator, in the garbage can, on the balcony, under the door carpet and even in the toilet.
Just the trainee firmly mastered the theory that traces must necessarily be, and sought them, while experienced colleagues were engaged in writing and talking on the row.
Slowly, the student reached the stand with the equipment: columns, amplifiers, receivers.
Everything is not cheap, but the bandits did not deceive, it was painfully heavy and bulky.
And by the fact that the controls were not in their places, the owner realized that these Bremen musicians also included his equipment.
The trainee pressed the button, the music sounded, he looked at it, and it was played by an internet receiver.
He went into the receiver menu and saw a list of the last listened stations.
And there, among different "chansons" and "Russian pops", two very interesting stations were discovered, one called "Ryazan wave", and the second - "Rupor Ryazan".
And after an hour and a half, the gray "Gazel" with a fierce brigade, "received" at the entrance to the glorious city of Ryazan.
You say “hanging.”

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №95710
 23.03.2014
Having learned that Ukrainian military equipment is approaching the borders of the Russian Federation, the recipients of metal breakdowns began to pull up from the Russian Federation.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №95709
 23.03.2014
- there is information that Yatsenyuk goes to a closed bordel, where they hold minors boys and girls.
Are you about Rada?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №95708
 23.03.2014
"English is very easy, let's say, fisting - "fisting", therefore fisting will be - "fisting". But boxers are not appreciated here. When I meet, I say that I am engaged in fisting, everyone is stressed for some reason" (c) Vitaly Klitschko

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna