From the "Dialogue at Work" series

YU is:
How did you get rid of M? He doesn’t bother Matt anymore.

A to:
I just said he’s a nice guy and he doesn’t get it.

YU is:
and Clevo! I will try too! Hey M, you are a beautiful guy! You do not get a salary increase!

M is :
Fuck...

To this question:

Official website of the Olympic Games.

Are you looking forward to the start of the Olympic Games?

7,07%—Yes, I look forward to winning in Guatemala! I can’t believe that there is so little time left!
12.99% – I look forward to it! The Games are a great event not only for our country, but for the whole world!
9.37%—I wait because I’m passionate about sports and watch every Olympic Games
8.94%—I wait, because I hope for the good results of our athletes!
69.24% — The other option

How easy to count the percentage of people who voted 107.61%

Where are the remaining 38.39%?? to

A child’s birthday is celebrated in a children’s club.
Table, cake, competitions, animators, all things.

Animator: "Children, what kind of animals do you know?"
Children: "A cat, a dog, a white..."
Animator:"And how do they talk?"
Children: "Gaw-gaw, meu-miu..."

My, with untranslatable intonation and expression of the face: "And your coat is dangerous!and "

to this:

I can’t normalize the regime of the day: I go to bed at five o’clock in the morning, I get up for lunch.
Try shifting your schedule gradually, every day go to bed and get up a little earlier.
I have tried, the will is lacking.
Then try the other side! Go to bed later - first at 6 o'clock, then at 8 o'clock, then until lunch for a compot... gradually until 22 o'clock you will arrive!
— — — —
Apart from jokes, the advice is good. I’m a freelancer and used to living in the rhythm of a sheep, but the reality is sharpened under the rabbits, so day-to-day tasks sometimes can’t be avoided... So I regularly go to bed an hour later – at 6 a.m., then at 7, at 8... As a result, in a year I go through several cycles and absolutely non-stop :)

here here :

Hey to! Paint only for him when you’re all day together at home, wear socks, let him know that it’s just for him, it doesn’t matter if you’re 10 years together. Repeat this a couple of times a week/month and forget what has gone/changed. be fun ?
-

What idiots are you? Not even because you wear socks (what do you wear them in). And because these, socks, socks, clothes and other shorts are full around, and what is lacking, is true support, not stitching, true respect, and not pretending - female socks "tricks", when "yes-yes, dear", and you do it anyway in your own way. This is what you need, not external attributes.

Do not go into an elephant.

I will tell you about an interesting case with translation... There is a special unit of diving in Ukraine with the name "Skat". And for the report of some other EU mission, it was necessary to mention this unit itself. With the light hand of the translator, the transcription of Skat was transformed into scat. And instead of the harsh sea animal, the "Govno Squadron" emerged.
Then the lieutenant joked for a long time, saying "and it is true that they will not drown in the water".

Dialogue with a friend (P) in icq:
Q: Hi, what are you doing?
Hello, I am in the ambulance.
P: mmm, cool game
I: How do you know?
A: I was playing.
I have passed?
P: Yes

I want to go in May.
YYY: Easy and simple. you slide on the street, break your head, lose consciousness, coma, come to yourself - may
May, and you are a plant and your kidneys are swollen.

A deaf neighbor from below looks at a church channel. You wake up with the feeling that you are singing.

Here are all the news on our journey:

Someone wrote here - "In Argentina there is an unprecedented aggression of piranhas. Since the beginning of the year, the number of victims has already exceeded 100 people"

We are working:

The journal has facts:
Since the beginning of the year, more than 100 people have suffered from piranha bites.
The piranhas are extremely evil predators, they live in herds and attack any animal that appears in their area (this is from school).

and here, instead of an absolutely logical conclusion - a hundred idiots had time to sneak into the river with piranhas, despite all the warnings, he has to boost the horror, mystics and unclear what else!!! One of the most aggressive predators, his mother, has become even more aggressive!!and "

The news:
The U.S. Department of Defense has made adjustments to domestic rules regarding religious rites, allowing military personnel to wear beards, as well as turbans, shirts and other unconventional clothing for military uniforms.

Very soon meet the American infantry of the Pastagarians in the slugs)))

Is there a gang of elevator thieves in your entrance?

I remembered a case that characterizes our military commando. They took me, therefore, the debt to the Motherland to give, I have served for six months, and during the next call home, my mother tells me an amazing story. She found in the mailbox a letter from a local clinic on my behalf asking me to appear to the therapist, said some of my tests scared them. My mom went there and explained that I was in the army and could not come. The doctor at first laughed, then laughed, and then told me that they were looking for such letters from the "polyclinic" for the military committee. And my military commander sent me to serve, and then lost me.

xxx: It’s a pipet... I’m standing in the kitchen, cleaning the kiwi, the cat next to the window clutches. Here we hear as if something has fallen... The cat on the receiver and stopped, I froze, then again grumbling. My cat and I went into the hallway under the tense music, no one. Scratch out of the toilet! We, like a gang of ninjas, open the door – empty. The pen comes out of the closet. I take the cat snorkel, I open the first snorkel - empty... The cat is strained and hiding behind me, the music is more strained... I open the second snorkel and... I see a very surprised pigeon O.o. he obviously did not wait for us... I close the door of the toilet, I drive out the cat, which has already set up the shoulders, I said I will get rid of him ))))) I go to think about the kitchen )))) then I already caught the bird with a white sheet under the cat's reef and cracking on the wool )))) the pigeon was in the shower, like us, scattered the entire toilet and was accompanied by a simple to the nearest window ))))
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY)))

Maximus 101: Ukrainians should be angry. And of course, to make a choice - two uters can not be sucked forever.
dp_132: The choice is made. Instead of two papers, there will be two papers.
Zaven926: What a horror :)
ilja_muromec: but in European terms

Stay the fucking! Where are you from?
Fuck the butt.
From which booth
From the South!
from himself?
From the southernmost! The head of good hope!
What clothes?
The second helps:
Let’s find out, it’s probably from the telecast.
From the Nashville?
Well...
Well well well well well well well.

God, protect this country!
by NEN

I sat down in the evening, thinking about my prospects. I decided that I need to motivate myself in some way to succeed. I hanged in the room tablets like “Life is Beautiful” and “Today you are better than yesterday” and so on. I slept badly at night and wept. In the morning, I slipple from the bed with a blanket, rely on the mirror - the face is dull, pale, the eyes are acidic, saliva on the cheeks, the hair is scattered into a cube. And on the mirror yesterday's sign "You are so beautiful, smile, today someone will fall in love with your smile." Good luck and shit. Rihanna hasn’t gotten well yet. It works!

by gen. Dir: a girl called about participating in the training “Hard negotiations”. He sent her in.

from ZH:

n: Soldiers who finish service in Iraq for the sake of the Khommy organize military funerals of pornographic magazines. Under the wolves playing Amazing Grace, everything is right! Three shots in the air :)
Z: And that is right. As if they did little on these magazines.

The Fantasy:
– – – – –
My father told.
In the distant Soviet Union, he and his comrades conducted field geodesic practices (such uncles who make plans and maps).
Naturally, all the cards in the last night before the departure, placed in the middle of the lawn of clay. They were not confused, painted in the appropriate designation and went in the middle of the night to plant a tree in the appropriate place on the terrain.
In the end, they got the bill, although the prey at first screamed for a long time that there were no trees there. I was driving, checking.

– – – – –
Kouprin "Sirene’s bush", the story. Your father probably read the classics, unlike you.