bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №79967
 09.04.2013
The executive (copywriter) is asking for the fourth time to postpone the date of delivery of the order. At the same time, in its statistics, the number of orders in the work is increasing.
For the fourth time I could not withstand and got upset at LA.

You are my order for a thousand zn. The third day you write, and new orders are recruited.
Yyy: Come into my position, I’m just pregnant.
You can’t write 1000 characters in three days because of pregnancy?
YYY: No
XXX: What is it about?
yyy: I am recruiting orders during pregnancy - all the time I want something and don't understand what, but how to order, it's just getting easier

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №79966
 09.04.2013
Katya: it is if I am without a car so underground, then the car will be
Tanya: if you look at the towers in Moscow you will ride))))))))
I will be a long-distance driver!
T: Then you will have to buy a camel.
K: No, I’ve always dreamed of American fur.
K: such with chromium and a bunch of lights
K: Always so washed and with posters of naked girls
T is fucking.
Here we are fucking.
T: I dream of becoming a Negro, and you about a fur

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №79965
 09.04.2013
The number of dead does not affect the quality of the living.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №79964
 09.04.2013
My friend, let’s call him Sergei, went somehow to the banker of his home bank, to remove a small amount of money from the ATM. I received a check and paid attention to the curious amount of the balance on the account: the first number (which he did not name me), three zeros and the number of Seregina's machine. Not a shameful amount, although I guess it’s not his only account.

Looking at the figure, Sergey threw the check into the urn and went out. While smoking at the exit, I saw through the glass that in the urn was a certain young man of quite decent appearance, not a boy. I thought that the guy accidentally threw out the necessary check, but then noticed that he had already put a couple of checks in his pocket, but continues to crack. Sergey, as a man of creativity and a lover of logical puzzles, thought about what benefits can be obtained from someone else’s used check, but didn’t come up with anything.

A week later, long forgotten about this case, Serega saw that the daughter-student was washing her neck under a large decoult, to put it simply - is going somewhere at a full parade. When asked where she was going, the daughter replied:
A restaurant with Vadik.
What is Wadiq, why don’t I know?
I met him myself a day ago. Imagine coming straight out on the street.
Hunt in the neck. Another sting is untouchable. They see from your clothes that you have rich parents, and they will stick like flies to honey.
Vadik is not like that. He has the most money.
How do you know? Did he care about you? Believe more. Is the iPhone gold? It is purchased on credit.
“No, Dad, he didn’t boast. He is generally very modest. But look at what he recorded my phone!

Sergey turned the paper with the phone and saw a check from the ATM with a very solid amount of balance. With a very familiar amount ending at Seregina’s car number.
Yes, he extended it out. We’ve seen such watches. Thick, loose, looks like an artist of this, like him? Corch or Borch? Which Holmes played.
Benedict Cumberbatch? Truth is like. How do you know?
Basically Watson. I will tell you more. Your Holmes doesn’t have a bottle of money, but considerations are even more than necessary. A thief to look for. Go out and look at what kind of Vadik is. We need creative people in the family.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №79963
 09.04.2013
If it were not for the Gypsies who offered to gold the pen, George Parker would have remained the unknown manufacturer of feathers.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №79962
 09.04.2013
Haber, discussion of the Russian smartphone:

The essence is that no advantages of this device, except image - Russian, is not spoken out. Microchips are not ours, nor are they ancient; operations are not ours and are controlled by foreign intelligence services. App store or Russian voice set? What is it about, brother?

The image component of the Russian is also the same. The Russian asphalt. The Russian Customs. The Russian Post. The Russian car. The Russian Innovation. The Russian legislation. The Russian elections. The Russian Olympics. Lots of positive emotions? and :)

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №79961
 09.04.2013
Not all women are equally beneficial.

For the photo session of the Israeli model Orit Fox used a young dwarf as a requisite. Unable to withstand the temptation of the closeness of the carnivorous naked flesh, the slippery wretch grabbed his teeth into the left chest of the model.
While the doctors were treating the victim, the drowning was temporarily forgotten. And when they got enough - he was already dead, death came as a result of poisoning with silicone.

X – X

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №79960
 09.04.2013
[20:10:14] Denis: I will not shave yet
[20:10:22] Denis: Then, at the end of the week, I’ll fight
Karenina Anna Andreevna: Aha you are like the girl who decided to lose weight from Monday
[20:11:47] Denis: =
Denis: Only I really shave

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №79959
 09.04.2013
We recently started selling Angry Birds. To be honest, that is a lie. Worse than the usual gasoline, but is more expensive (brand, hoole)
You must not drink, but throw in someone.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №79958
 09.04.2013
Recently added to friends a cute girl, decided to ask where to ask where she lives, and there is the following content dialogue:
I – Where do you live?
Her aunt...
Where is my aunt?
My aunt is sleeping.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №79957
 09.04.2013
XXX: What are you doing?
I read Perl.
XXX will be killed. The killer is the operating system.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №79956
 09.04.2013
Here is a piece of surr.
Yesterday I met my girlfriend with... LIMPO (!!!) Showing pictures of the Northern Lights.
XHH: She’s offended by the fact that people live behind the polar circle.
XHH: And we (Russian) here are friends from her LIMPOPO)))

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №79955
 09.04.2013
Talk to my nephew on Skype:

I even remember the name of one of them!Tinky-Winky! such a blue narcissist with a stick on his forehead!..."

I’ve never heard of the best TV description in my life 😉

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №79954
 09.04.2013
Who said that humans are made up of 90% water? I’ve been on the inlet a few times lately. At 60-70% we are made up of water, enough to repeat already behind the frogs, like a poppy.

[ + 56 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №79953
 09.04.2013
XXX: So what is the battle of the extrasensors??? You do not understand anything! There are 10 shells on the table: 9 are charged, 1 is not. We run these one by one, forcing you to choose and shoot yourself in the head with the selected gun.
After washing the brains from the surfaces, mix the stems.
And all - there is a winner. I look forward to the next season. That is, I know, there will be ratings!

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №79952
 09.04.2013
A foreigner who lived in Russia for some time said: You will then have order on the roads, when the PDT will be treated as a law, not as a collection of advice.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №79951
 09.04.2013
Q: How did you get to the hospital?
I came home after work, cooked dinner, and Zhenka stayed at work. While waiting for him, she fell asleep. And he decided to make me a surprise...You know we’ve been living with him for 5 years. He was always with a beard. And here he smashed her!! Imagine waking up at night, seeing a stranger next to me... Shortly now he has a broken jaw, and I have a hand!
XH: O_o

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №79950
 09.04.2013
The Moscow Metro:

Loans up to 3 million. rubles up to 10 years.
With the inscription: "Credit is enough for a long time"

Nothing to add)

[ + 29 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №79949
 09.04.2013
Traditionally-oriented non-smoking reading meat-eater is terribly not fashionable. and :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №79948
 09.04.2013
From the Hubble, news about a programmer who noticed his code in a Hollywood movie

xxx: But if a programmer inserted a frame from the film into the code, the damage would amount to a quadrillion dollars.

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