Xy: Chata so want to go into the woods with a nighting...in a tent with someone warm
XX: with a crushed mouse?
Xy: No, with a straight-legged male

XHH: Last week they [family couple] caught a winlocker
xxxh: called the master, he came and with an unwavering face purely dumb set them over the system and antivirus, healed them 2700 rub!!!!!!! It’s to hide that this is a company that holds such “professionals”???????? I Winlocker when I treated the comrade, the forum read and in an hour and a half the manual system and the register cleaned, there is a business for a maximum of 300 rubles!
This is exactly what he is a real professional.

X: Do you know how millimeters are measured?
Y: in the sense?
X: Here I went to the store for her... and she was on the meter.
X: I thought they would take the metro line and measure me 5 meters.
X: and the cells began to count... my patience was only 3 meters long.

XXX: I have already started working here.

I was terribly tired of driving. In the evening, I sit on a push, and my hand stretches behind the seat belt.
First I laughed at myself, then I looked back and left, and suddenly he was still there.

The best motivation to study was his father’s phrase: “Alexander is a defender in Greek, so choose: either you defend your diploma or you defend your homeland.”

"The symptom of glasses is also a sign of a fracture of the base of the skull"

shock of the brain.
A sign of a fracture of the base of the skull is immediate death.

Dad, you’ve gotten better.
No problem, there is still room on the couch.

After a week under -50°C in the Irkutsk region
The conversation between two mothers on the bus.
How many degrees today?
33 in the morning.
Oh, how I was frozen!? to

I need Google in my head and antivirus in my heart.
A little photoshop on the face.

Common chat in contact before the exam. The discussion has long flowed from the urgent problems of solving the exam in the discussion of left-wing topics, there is a dialogue:

Grandma from the train, as they say.
QQQ: Grandma from the train - there is an excess accelerating moment on the train!

I love studying at the Technical College! :)

Yesterday at the box office in the store was a witness to the dialogue of the mother and daughter of 15.
Mom (apparently a doctor, reading the label on the gum): this gum contains a preservative that destroys the liver.
Daughter: So I don’t have the liver anymore... and in general, Mom, Friday is the end of the world!
Mom: Well then let's take a bottle of vodka and chew the chewing machine, once there is nothing to lose!

The logic of men is the opposite of the logic of women.
Female: If you can not, but very much want, you can.
Male: If you need, but not very much want, you can not do it.

Last week my daughter graduated in kindergarten. The parents were asked to put airballs in the room. Well, we gathered early, drank a beer, and then blowed the balls. Lots of balls.
Last Friday I graduated from another group. This morning, the educators were blowing the balls in the acting room, and, as our educator told me, the overhang stood on the whole garden.

Dear students! Study in "4" and "5", enroll in the university, finish it with a red diploma, get a wonderful profession, and a trio from your class, who has been walking and writing all the time, will take you to an interesting high-paying job.

Pavel Datsuk after the victory over the Swedes with the score 5-1:

Journalist: Biljaletdinov is known for being very careful about any opponent. What did he pay attention to before the match?

Paul: Of course, on the fact that they will play in yellow-blue shirts.

Tragic erotic: he dressed up – she was upset.

The fuck to the doctor.
I: It was time...
He: Funny shit, serious, you need to change these two teeth
And by places?
Trollface

16:59:25 The Chief said, “Lord, how much trouble you have! You are too honest!”

Moon: I have the worst perversion in the world at work
Sasha: What is he?
Moon: he uses the new Icq 2012, winzip instead of winRAR, wears his hair in a tail with a beard while he is listening to the hell pop of the 80s and the disco of the 90s
Sasha :D
Moon: and he can't use the browser without Yandex BAR
I like the Yandex bar.