We went with friends with parachutes to jump... And after the first jump, we found out that you can also ride airplanes. Two-seater with double control. I remember being the first, the most brave. The pilot asks:

What shall we do?

- Yes, I'm not afraid of anything, let's all, - the pants are our everything, plus I was really sure that all the worst I've seen at the attractions.

- What, and the loop of Nestorov we will do?

What is it?

In the common people “dead loop”.

No matter what, I sat down.



And here we fly in the air, and up with our legs and loops... and on the ground are friends sitting, looking:

- And the man is a hero, look how they are there, he is not afraid!

No, I don’t think she can say anything out of fear.



It was very frightening to fly up the feet, for some reason the animal horror swung up in such an unnatural movement forward. And under his head is a very, very close organ glass cover, and it is very thin, I will fall on it and immediately fly through it... and how far to the ground... and the pilot carries some kind of fist: "but here we live," "and here is an anchor for airplanes"... let me go! The headphones still on Nestorov’s loop flew, along with the microphone, and I can’t say anything. The overload on the loop was such that it was not to move, and the whole body, like a large bush of the test, which is spread over the chair... and there is no way to even catch something, even if it is scary, the hands are not to be raised.



We went to land... and one thought revolved in my head: "If I tell the rest, how scary it is, they won't even get into the plane." I got out of the plane with a charming smile, easily jumped off my wing and carelessly threw it over my shoulder, that the whole of these looping. Everyone went to the plane. And only Dima, who served in the army, caught me, took under the elbow and gently asked:

It is sick, right? Eat ice cream, the rabbit, it will ease.

Will it really be easier? I was ready to put my head on a strong man’s shoulder and live with him for the rest of my life.

Well, it will all be backwards.

I earned my first 50 rubles at the age of 12. Walking in the garages. I was called by some man (yes, practically a grandfather, gray, looking 55-60 years old) and told me that he accidentally locked the door of the car, and left the keys inside. And here he asks me to open the door, getting into the car through the trunk (this was a universal, like a moscovite). I can’t speak, the old man. I have agreed. He successfully entered and opened the door. For that, he gave me 50 rubles with one paper. I refused, but he insisted.

Now I remember and think it's just shit: A twelve-year-old boy goes into the trunk of a car to an unknown person on his request and all this happens in garages, where there was no one at the time. For the fullness of the picture, it was not enough that it all happened in the evening, but no, it was the second half of the day, it was still light on the street.

I wanted to say that morality - trust people, but no, well...

One day, a friend invited me to a nightclub.

- Shishki and other snacks from me, and you buy a bucket. He said.

At the appointed time we came to visit with a few bubbles at the expense of ourselves and a friend. I took the alcohol and put it on a breaking table. The event began.

About an hour later another family joined us.

Meet Arthur and Marina.

The new guests also got a drink and put it in the corner of the table.

Since my bottles were already open and stood closer, they continued to drink them. Time passed unnoticed. The bottles were empty, bringing light alcohol intoxication. Marina did not drink, because they did not come to stay and went home.

I sat at the table on the street relaxed. Marina drove the children into the car. The hosts went to accompany the guests. Then came Arthur.

– Oh! No need, then I will take it.

He said and put his bottles in a bag.

Having taken the guests, the owner returned to the table.

Let us go!

Shut up!

Eeee, where is the bull?

Arthur said the guy wasn’t useful and took it. But you have it, right?

Oh fucking Jews! How he struck me with his spell. Fuck, for a man. He asked me for a couple of beers on the way, which I had on the beach in the morning. I still joked, like we won't have anything to drink, you take everything, I didn't buy it, and he didn't even blink.

The nearest store was 15 km away. There are no treacherous rights. We drove down and went fishing to the nearest lake.

Probably everyone has such an outcast relative who is always trying to take advantage of everything, somewhere to spit something at work / jerk someone. I have one of my relatives, Uncle Pidar. A rare diamond. He always offers relatives to participate in some of his "ideas" and is constantly offended if he is rejected. And he does this not just silently, but as a basarine grandmother, calling all the relatives, pouring a bite that his angel was offended.



Sometimes it even happened that he persuaded his aunt to act as a guarantor on the loan. But at the same time he did not pay the bank a penny afterwards, arguing that someone told him that you can not pay, and the bank will write down this debt. How much suffering has a poor woman suffered because of this fool. In the end, in order to close the debt, the wife of Pidar's uncle sold his car, which he arranged for her. At that time he lived in the village with his mother. When he learned what had happened, he became angry and beat his wife. Now he has a conviction for this and his wife has left him accordingly.



And recently he offered my father a “profitable” job. tk. The father has a truck, and he was asked to help withdraw some old sludge from Uncle Piddar's landscape for resale. Father, feeling a blow, refused. As it turned out later, the site was not quite Pidar's uncle, or rather not his at all... Now Pidar's uncle serves a real term for theft.



But the funniest is not that. At the stage of the investigation, Uncle Pidar told all his relatives that it was my father who handed him over. And now all of my mother’s relatives consider my father to be a rat. But for some reason no one considers Uncle Piddar a rat. For them he is all such a “entrepreneurial and economic man”...



What do people have in their heads?

My father worked somehow in the suburbs and told the story, to them in the office allegedly on the affairs constantly entered the assistant of the accountant, grabbed in some papers and not by chance became a witness to the conversations. Well, I would have heard and forgotten, but after an hour, every dog in the courtyard knew about these conversations. And sometimes it came from the bosses for decisions that were made without consulting him, began to bake a lot. So he and his colleague decided to study her and take her to clean water. invented a plan. The next day in the office also entered the buch "ears warm." The father looks out the window and says to his colleague, “Marine, do you see the building across the road?” So, there are going to build a station, and this will be dealt with tomorrow by bricks, the brigade arrived today inspected, I went to ask, they say you can come tomorrow with a car and bricks for free to take, so tell my husband let the gazelle come tomorrow, I have already said they will too. Only to nobody! It may not be enough for everyone! And what do you think? The next day, in front of the building, a dozen cars were stationed, something was wearing somewhere, convulsively called, a bull enters the office on the nerves to find out - you don't know the building on the contrary will be dealt with or not?! Does her father know what you are talking about? And her phone breaks, she turns and leaves at sunset. And then she was hospitalized for three days, apparently stuck on her nerves for disinformation. Do not focus on spelling and grammar.

If there are sports bars, why are there no sex monasteries?

Sounds you say?
Refrigerators “Dnepr”, working 50 years without repair, you say?
Functionality due to appearance and aesthetics, you say?

January of 1968.
Egypt, which was defeated in the Six-Day War with Israel, is rebuilding its army.
A tender has been announced for the purchase of military field radio stations.
Since Egypt itself did not issue such radio stations, invitations to participate in the tender were sent to the world's largest producers, and, of course, to the Ministry of Defense of the USSR, which supplied Egypt with the lion's share of weapons.

At a military base on the edge of the Libyan desert, under the tables, potential sellers exhibited their products. American Motorola, Dutch Philips, German Siemens, Grundig, Telefunken, Japanese Sharp, Panasonic, Technics... Everyone shines with chromium moldings and nickeled bulbs, blinking with yellow, red and green bulbs. Among them, the alien will stand out the Soviet radio station - a metal parallel piped, painted in the color of the hack. It was the R-107M.

A tender committee – a dozen roasted Arabs in military uniform – willingly spends time between the tables, considering the presented equipment. Here they are like enchanted frozen in front of the Japanese stand. It was colour music. The military representative of Foreign Special Export did not stand, approached the Arabs, spoke to them in English. Those in accordance left their heads, began to give commands to the officers at the base.
The soldiers transferred the radio stations to the runway, putting them in three rows.

The Soviet officer took the grenade brought to him and threw it into the middle of the exhibition.
From the explosion radio stations flew on concrete.

To the surprising expressions of the persons of the sellers and buyers, Major Ivanov answered briefly:
Now compare it.

The Arabs chose the Soviet radio station.
The only one who worked.

In the Netherlands, non-smoking teenagers are paid 200 euros a month.
This is 80 euros more than a Russian pensioner earns after working his entire life.

The criterion of poverty from the IMF: if you spend more than 50% of your income on food, then you are poor (not poor, namely, poor)

yyy: I can’t spend 50% on food because 70% goes to the apartment)

What an elegant way to avoid poverty.

Asking forgiveness is bad for me. I quickly get insulted.

At work, the whole team discussed pension reforms, calculated how much the pension will be, will live / will not live. Obviously we will not survive, and if we survive, we will get a gulkin har. And they decided that we are moving from a completely white ZP to a white minimum (and some have decided to make 0.5 rates), and everything else from the previous ZP including the amounts that went to taxes and all kinds of pensions will be issued in black.

WM 2018. The long-awaited meeting of the best footballers of the world Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has taken place! They met today at Sheremetyevo airport.

As long as people are patient and silent, you can’t think about it.

Everyone told them they were not a pair because they were completely different. But Leha still filed an application to marry and on the same day went to the production practice in Tambov to the Pigment factory.

From the very beginning, Lehe’s practice was not lucky. He had to fall shortly before everyone, in order to have time to get married before September, and fate tried every way to prevent it.

On the second day of his stay, Leha knocked his hand on the door of the dormitory, the door was painted with oil paint window glass, which no one suspected, Lehe cut his hand so hard that he had to call an ambulance.

After Lechka was released from the injury point with a tailored arm, he was taken into a shake.

He healed his hand, he used to swim in Tsnu and cut off his leg in 27 places with a rugged bark at the bottom. An ambulance, a trauma point, a shaker. They are there as guards.

Then he caught the inflammation of the middle ear. Lie for a week. It was very painful. Within a week he stopped sickness, in connection with which he was bitten by a snake, but immediately lucky - it was already.

Finally, a rare day, I went to work. The practitioners carried a polyisobutylene workshop full of various chemical equipment. And here is Leha sitting at the door of the shop on a barbecue with the girls. In the casket, as required. And his head shrugged. He removed the cascade. At the same time, someone found in another very corner of the shop, meters in twenty, a very beautiful Italian screw M12. With English arrows to open and close on the head. All in brilliant chrome. I found it, looked at it and threw it out so as not to bother. Behind the back where no one was.

Bolt funnyly scratched ten times from the equipment and pipelines, the last time somehow skillfully pulled off the stainless steel pipe, flew out of the workshop and fit Lehe in the forehead, a second after removing his protective headscarf. Leha breathed and put on the helmet back. Therefore, no one immediately noticed that the swollen cushion clearly read the reversed English letters: “open-closed.”

When Leah arrived, he married. Forty years live soul-to-soul, although they both said that they were not a couple completely. The strangest thing is that in these years, Leha has not even cut a shave once. Although it’s okay, it’s not in the account, it’s electric.

Give a man a fish and he will be full for a day.
Give a man a snack and he will be satisfied all his life.
Give a man a religion and he will die of hunger, asking God for fish.

Dialogue with the Brazilian:

Are you in Russia for the first time?

- Yes

And what impressions?

I expected it to be colder.

How is it in Brazil now?

It is winter there.

And what she is?

It’s like a summer in Peter.

A gentleman will not reject a lady, even if she does not yet agree.

When my daughter was 3 years old, I put her package of her favorite candy under her pillow one evening. She found them in the morning and asked, astonished:
This from where?
Without thinking, I whispered in a wakeful tone:
The elves brought.
I liked responding creatively at the time, and standing on my own until the last, adding convincing details to the fiction.

This story lasted for five years.

Who are the Elves?
All children have elves, they fulfill desires, they help, they give gifts.

- Mom, and the other children say, there are no elves.
Every child has an elf. But if a child does not believe in elves, they do not come to him.

How do they look?
Write them a letter and leave it under your pillow. They will tell you themselves.

In the beginning, the elves brought gifts themselves, their small puddles caused a storm of emotions. Then the daughter began to draw elephant pictures to tell what she wanted... then to write, rewriting letters from my mother’s draft, then to write independently in secret from her mother. Sometimes the elves brought the ordered not immediately, sometimes they brought something else, sometimes they wrote letters and told about themselves. And the older the daughter became, the more she liked the letters. When the mother and daughter were arguing, the indignant threw her in response that he would write the elves! ...and asked for them a good mom and 100 sweets. And even if my mom was angry, the elves always responded and reassured.

Once a daughter asked the elves for beautiful animals, just like in a magazine, which comes out once a month, with one toy from a whole collection of consistent marvels. And the elves just had a set of elves at school, and they commissioned small elves to make animals as a test task. The elephants overstated, first, they made the dragon, second, they accidentally revived him. The dragon broke up half the villages, and all the forces were thrown to rebuild the houses first. In the evening, the elephants, quietly whispering, locked themselves in the workshop, because they wanted to make a gift themselves, without the help of adults. Their business went slowly... generally, two months later, the package arrived from China, and this chapter of the fairy tale ended.

In 5 years, a lot of fairy tales were written, elephants and their names were invented, the description of the island and houses, the presence in the village of the main fairy elves, diseases, holidays, school, holidays. The daughter made gifts to the elves: one candy was enough for the whole village, and from small boxes the elves made themselves a whole house for guests, and yet they did not know what sugar is, and called it a sweet stone... The elves could not be shown to people, it is absolutely impossible, as in the tale of the Black Chicken. They would have to find another place of residence. But the elves still asked the main fairy to let them bring the girl to the village and teach her witchcraft.

And then my mom realized that it was time to end the fairy tale so that it would remain a fairy tale forever. The daughter still believed in elves, but was already o-o-o-very big. Do you know what people believe who just want to believe? How do they not notice the obvious little things that contradict their faith? All children will one day learn about Santa Claus, about the tooth fairy, about... and the elves should have remained a fairy tale.

When her daughter was eight years old, the elves brought her three wishes as farewell gifts:
You just have to start doing something and it will succeed.
You will smile enough to make friends with another person.
“When you become an old grandmother, we will take you with us, we will turn you into a little elephant, and you will go to our school.
And they also promised that they would trick mom and dad so that they would be kind and sometimes hid her gifts under the pillow. It should be noted that this last wish was fulfilled immediately, even before the appearance of any gifts from parents. Great power of conviction.

No, the daughter did not immediately accept the fact that the elves left. What do these mean: “You’re already big”, “You’ll soon stop noticing magic”?
What if I write them?

And in the house, there are still a lot of toys that the elves brought. The elves still exist.

The best player of the match Nigeria - Argentina was recognized Diego Maradona, who scored two squads on the court.

If we get pleasure from work, it’s a signal to the boss that we’re not working hard enough.