bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №70906
 02.10.2012
The Habr:

Yes, it is, but the more real option is this:

Vasya pumped his persis and went to sleep.
Pete is working.

Vasya went for a walk with friends.
Pete is working.

Vasya smokes and sleeps with two girls
Pete is working.

Vasya got caught on drugs and now sits in the siso, and Petya earned the first 100 thousand, but had no idea what to do with them - and then he was shot down by a car. It’s stupid, but this is real life.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №70905
 02.10.2012
I climb today to the exit of Savelovskaya, and on the stairs the grandmother stands and masches a newspaper of the type "Work for you", loudly advertising:
All work in Moscow is free! Free work in Moscow!and "

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №70904
 02.10.2012

And today I got stuck on the cross. I was so overwhelmed. I even learned a few new words.
2: Get used to it
1: I just don’t understand one thing. I don’t know how to whisper ‘ebun squabby’ but I didn’t know the expression until tonight.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №70903
 02.10.2012
It was necessary for the ancient Greeks to ruin their country so that millions of tourists come to admire the ruins, and thus provide their descendants. Does this mean that modern Greeks do not want to fall behind their ancestors, and are striving to collapse the European Union, to secure their descendants?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №70902
 02.10.2012
M1: She is awesome!
M2 is?
M1: I compared her logic to the logic of the turning machine, and she took this compliment magnificently.
M1: She is the only one in the world that I marry. If not, I’ll have to be gay.
M2: O_O You only tell me the result, yes, for the case.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №70901
 02.10.2012
The whole morning was plagued by the thought that the only problem of Elrond Poe Elf was not the darkness coming from the east, and even with him, the only problem of Elrond was that his wife fell to Valinor, and his aunt remained in the Middle-earth.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №70900
 02.10.2012
YYY: Yesterday I saw Mishan in the store — standing on the box with four bottles of mounting foam. Repair is done?
XXX God, have mercy on me! Once in the courtyard of Mishani, some fool parked his car overnight across the courtyard - not to pass, not to pass. Mishanya went, bought a bubble of foam and stung the exhaust pipe, wheel arches, and what remained was in the grille of the radiator.
XXX: Four bottles will suffice to swallow the entire salon. So - yes, you can say "repair is over"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №70899
 02.10.2012
My colleague (developer) has returned from vacation.
First question: what is the name of the program in which we work most often?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №70898
 02.10.2012
Two lines in the code:

#warning tyt ebanii bardak
To find a better solution

[ + 55 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №70897
 02.10.2012
Chapter 1: The joke. Einstein, Newton and Pascal played hiding. Driving was Einstein. Pascal fled into the bushes, disguised himself, no man is seen at all, but Newton just stands. He painted a square around him and stood. Einstein counted to a hundred, turned around, saw Newton and shouted:
and Ura! I found Newton.
Newton smiled cleverly and replied:
Drop it out! This is Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!! to

Uzer-2: Went under the table for three hours.

Uzer-3: And I walked physics. I did not immediately understand the joke.

Uzer-4: Fuck and I didn't understand this joke, if Uzer-2 rolled for three hours, then I remembered the school course of physics for three hours.

Uzer-5: 1 Pa = 1 N/m2 ≡ 1 J/m3 ≡ 1 kg/(m·s2)

Uzer-4: Fuck, what is the clipboard?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №70896
 02.10.2012
OOO: But there is one problem.
We will all die, no problem, you
What??
You have always been able to encourage


[ + 39 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №70895
 02.10.2012
Talked to a girlfriend (the girl is beautiful, only in her almost 20 virginity and not even kissed anyone, she is learning) about healthy eating:
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The Cabbage!
I thought something...
When they go with a swallow...
Sperm has different tastes.
And it depends on what you have eaten, drunk, smoked, swallowed and so on in the last week.
It can be thirsty, sweet, bitter, acidic...
Now attention, how do I know?
Q: Have you tried?
WOW: Let’s say that was explained by Vlad, describing what the taste would be if there were certain foods. In this regard, there is a more important question - how does he know?! to

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №70894
 02.10.2012
I came to my grandmother, brought a pear, we talk for life, and there was some crack from under the table, rhythmically repeating. It turned out: a small cat bites a mouse - attention - caught in a mouse! That’s what cats have come to!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №70893
 02.10.2012
Angels are born and demons are married.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №70892
 02.10.2012
I usually come back late from work. Routes from the platform are no longer running, which makes it possible to make a small job with a narrow company of taxi drivers standing at the station. I know them all in the face, just as they know me. And my standard route is also remembered. I sat in the front seat as usual. He heard from the driver the standard "as usual?", cried in response and listened to a little story. Actually I share it.
He drove one man every day on the standard route. One day, he sees him accompanied by his wife and daughter. The man sits next to the driver. The rest are behind. Ask him by inertia:
As usual?
In the eyes of the wife, surprise and wild curiosity:
So... and as usual???? to
The man became red, greener, stood forward, did not shake. A bunch of thoughts, a sea of hypotheses, but all of them with the only outcome – put. Maybe the destination is not that. Maybe to send. It is possible to use this type of transport. Family is a dark affair, little studied by science. The unfortunate taxi driver, unwittingly found himself in the epicenter of the crash:
You sat down without saying a word. I have to say something, right? How do you hint that it would be good to name the destination?
The normal color is returned. In my wife’s eyes is a smile. has passed. The life continues.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №70891
 02.10.2012
Having learned that the KPRF faction would vote for the law on the protection of the feelings of believers, V.I. Lenin was tired of turning, he stood up and left.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №70890
 02.10.2012
Text of the corporate service report. The support:
The Director is granted RW the right to read and record the secretary’s personal ass for convenient exchange of necessary data for both.
The department is burning as always. :D

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №70889
 02.10.2012
Okay, how are you with your haha? Is it OK?
Oh no, I just became an atheist in terms of sex.
HH: How is it?
I stopped believing in his existence.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №70888
 02.10.2012

Your Samsung for 1500 r.
WOW: GAVNECO - it is glamorous AppleFon 5, and Samsung for 1500 p. - it is a murderous (if it is thrown) immortal stool

[ + 38 - ] [12 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №70887
 02.10.2012
Comment to the news: "In the region established subsistence minimum pensioner"
Andrei Bayon: This would be a reality show. Ten deputies and officials are placed on the subsistence minimum. in the moon.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna