Tantriel: Pritchin, yesterday going past the cafe heard the most suitable song at the wedding : "The bridegroom wanted, here and flew..." And the wild expression of the mother’s face of the bride)))))))

Today there was no hot water at home, I called, complained. Just arrived an emergency, asked or all okay. I immediately called the police and asked if everything was OK.
I need to call you tomorrow, complain that there are no roads in the city, suddenly I will respond as quickly.

Epic File, Epic File
When late in the evening from the lazy you throw into the garbage and not into the garbage of the third floor, and in 10 minutes you are called on the door, you open and get to the mouth - it is not Epic Fail!! to
The real epic fail comes when you find out what you got for the fact that a goat a second before you threw a bull of cigarettes in the window, burned another goat a piece of hair and found in the glowing window as always your mouth!

We go out with the family from the supermarket, slowly discuss plans for the weekend, suddenly the grandson (3 years old) declares without apology:"And I want to walk with my grandmother!". From the crowd we immediately get: "Young guys, guys!"
I only have to quietly rejoice that, God will give, for a while I will be that grandmother.

<Sergey> and I am in the universe in the list of the worst students)
<Toolic> this is fucking! You have something to be proud of =)
<Sergey> I haven’t been there for 2 months, nor have they ever concluded about my abilities at all?! to

Fuck...The curved the legs of the girls, the shorter the shirt, the stretching pants and the higher the shaft...

I saw on the street two Tajiks on bicycles...The first thought-gastrobike...

In childhood I loved three: Kirkorov, then Maxim Galkin, and I dreamed of him to move to Moscow ahahha) and Vitas.)
YYY: Alla Borisovna, is it you? :D

If a wife photographs a cooked meal, is she writing a book or preparing a portfolio for a new husband?

In the announcement about the sale of Bentley Continental for 6 million comments:
Exchange for the Toyota Funcargo 2000 (also charged) Spoiler, flying machine, stickers "motul". Key to key
P.S My horoscope says it’s time for good deals.

You and P&G are a gift!
WOW :?? to
In the good sense of the word
WOW : WOW!! to

My boss forbids to say the word "horror," say, you say - and horror will happen!
YYY: If all that I’m saying happened at work and matto, I’d live in an endless erotic fantasy!

With this tolerancy, 3D movies will soon be banned, as it insults one-eyed people.

Strange has recently gone fashion.
Every self-respecting, decent, unmarried girl should have a small child.

If prostitution is legalized, then in the employment center directions will be given for employment in the Emergency Services "Elvira", and for 3 refusal of the proposed work benefits will be deprived)))))

Paradox: Poor people vote for stability!

Many, I hope, know the joke about a colonel at the military department, who, looking through the lists of students, begins to go from a hustle, almost to an apoplexic blow, and then, through tears, shares with a colleague: "Comrade Pizduhail, look at the student's funny surname - the Rabbit!!!"
If not to be confused, 1979, the military department of one of the Volga universities. Audience of 200-250 people (located and more), in fact 100-120, the male part of the two faculties - machmat and physics. Many (and I included) have already found a job for the next hour and a half, writing a bullet, playing chess and endless crosses for money. In short, the routine. But in five minutes, the lecturer manages to capture our attention. The fact that this is a new teacher made us little confused (or little attracted, I don’t know how right in this situation). The lectures could be read by any officer of the department to whom the choice of the chief fell on that day. The corresponding paper with the name of the specialty and the order number of the lecture was taken and then, without observing the signs of interruption, some technical pauses for understanding were solemnly read before the audience. I’ll also tell you with a certain talent – what a show.
It broke all stereotypes.
First he presented himself:
“I am the new teacher of the military department of the State University – Captain Babkin. Then he joyfully proposed, “Let’s get acquainted” and began to read the list of those present in order to become acquainted. Further, you need either a stenogram, but it is lost))), or try to represent the process itself. Not only that everyone besides the captain understands that the acquaintance with such a crowd will take at least half a couple, so he still names, if she can't read more than two passages from the first time, breaks into pieces (Beloborodov from the fourth time asylum) and puts the emphasis in the most unexpected places. After 40 minutes, two-thirds of the list had already been announced, half of the audience, consisting of twenty-year-old bouts, not having the opportunity to laugh out loud, whispered under the tables, but the most transparent already understood the main fun ahead, more precisely at the end of the list.
Here was my bet - three liters of beer against a cup, that my friend Vitya Popov will be Popov (he then a month at the beer bar did not appear, when it became known on what occasion he gave me the beer), here was the captain picked up the first Rabinovich, Arkash (we had two, one from the Mehmat, another physicist) and joyfully, like a child, looked at him. It seems he often had to hear the name in jokes, but the happy owner he saw for the first time. Further on the list was again Rabinovich, but Valery. Captain Babkin could not immediately realize this fact. That two Rabinovichs could be in one room at once was a complete exotic for him. Valera got up by himself, knowing that he was next on the list. Babkin stared at him, and insecurely asked, “Sho, too?Valera just shrugged his hands, as if agreeing with all the captain’s possible versions. And on the horizon, more precisely through 2-3 surnames in the list, Habanes Cabos was already whispering Jose Viktorovich. Such silence the audience did not seem to know even at night. Everyone, including Jose Victorovich himself, a full guy in glasses with thick glasses, kept his breath behind and watched the captain. How could it be known that in the 1930s, now in the last century, several hundred children were taken from Spain in the USSR, whose parents were fighting at this time against Franco, and one of the grandchildren of the heroes-communists is now sitting in the hall.
At first, the captain simply breathed and moved his lips, trying to compose from the letters at least something in his understanding meaningful. Then he began to whisper and seemingly about himself, but in the prevailing silence all heard it, he said with feeling:
“Hernia is something!”
The first tears flowed on the cheeks of the listeners, and the captain grumbled more and more, and, apparently, from a state of apparent gentleness, he moved into a state of deep "personal hostility" to Habanes Cabos, Jose Victorovich. As he imagined him, the story silences, but... When he closed the list, he went out of the department to the audience and said with a voice that did not predict anything good:
“Well, Karabas Barabas, go out, show yourself what you are!” almost everyone shouted. Someone, not noticing it himself, from the excess of feelings knocked his foot into the partition between the rows, someone (and there were many of them) just slipped under the table, someone needed an ambulance. The two laughed, Captain Babkin and José Vittorovich Habanes Cabos.

Captain Babkin became a major a month later, and Jose remained Karabas Barabas until 4th course, until he became the Paris Carrier. But this is a separate story.

– Petrovich, you don’t know when our post is over? So you can eat meat calmly.
Do you not eat it?
Eat, but somehow uncomfortable.

Who called the true warrior???! to
XXX: I am not a real sword!! to
Yyy: Alexander, we have a lamp burned in 245 audiences, please change it.
XXX is OK.
Zzzz: the paladins are no longer the ones

Some guys approach me and there is the following dialogue between us (the end of which I did not expect to hear):
Q: Do you have a cigarette?
I: I am not smoking!
Q: Why is it?
I: I am not able!
Study this way, Joppa!! to