bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №148711
 01.02.2018
A friend joked:
– Ecli plans to get to the police for a violation, it is better to do all this at the beginning of the month.
Why is? I asked.
- At the end of the month (or quarter) the NAC may burn plans for fines, violations, disclosure of crimes.
- So, in order to close your plan, can you qualify a normal fight as a criminal case?
and yes. This system was supposedly abolished in 2010, but nothing like that. Plans have been and will be.
Does the leadership mean that in our country conditions will never improve and crimes will always be in the same number?
Something of this kind. Moreover, crimes can even rise (according to statistics). On the other hand, you have to consider mentality. Ecley will not have plans, then nobody will work at all. You yourself know what in most cases people go to the initial positions in law enforcement agencies.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №148710
 01.02.2018
It was a long time ago, my children were still small. My son came from school with the impression:
“Mommy, we passed through every night as children are born.
I am a physiology teacher and I am not surprised. Prepare for a conversation on the subject.
Do you understand how this happens?
Children are coming out of life.
How do they get alive?
Father’s sperm fertilizes the mother’s egg.
Where does this happen?
B is alive.
Well, I was pleased that the child was explained all popularly without misunderstanding.
A little later, the son leaves the room, holding his younger sister’s hand, and officially declares:
“Mommy, I and I decided that our family needed one child. You, wherever you are going to swallow Daddy’s sperm, invite us to see.
I barely fell from the chair. About the main thing in school, it turns out, were silent.
By the way, now my children are adults, and yet one sister many years later they still got.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №148709
 01.02.2018
There are four officers: I and three girls. One of them approaches and asks:
How to calculate how much interest on the deposit will be charged per month?
Others heard, asked to tell as well. It would be nothing, but they work every six months. Nowadays, banks are only looking for sellers.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №148708
 01.02.2018
The author obviously uses the word "name" without implicating that it is a surname.
Apparently, the design name + surname + official nickname is proposed.
In general, in order to give an official nickname, you need a special person who will say that the main thing in Anton is his working capacity, and in Vitalia - his falsehood. Therefore, such names have been introduced where there is a strict hierarchy, an attempt to challenge which is equivalent to rejection by society. If there is no authoritative shaman/pahan, then the pursuit system will not work.
But even in the implementation of Indians and rabbits, you will often meet Anton the White Bizon most often and you will understand why he is so named - because he is strong, because he is dumb, or because at the age of 19 he had eaten a half-kilogram of road.

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №148707
 01.02.2018
He told me this mysterious history of psychiatric lectures when I was a student of the fifth course of honey. The decision to become a psychiatrist was made even before this case.

He worked in his youth as a practitioner, we will call him Gennady Georgievich (GG), on an ambulance. The patient threatens to commit suicide. Coming to the place of GG and ego brigade, the door to the apartment was open. The brigade collapses inside. Directly along the hallway of the room, a small chair is visible in it, a man is sitting in the cottage. C's arm hangs c with a knife in his fist. The man does not turn and asks, “Ambulance?” At the affirmative response of GG, the man washed himself in the neck, could not be saved.

Attention question, who asked GG: “Why did he wait?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148706
 01.02.2018
Den Stranger: Something I haven’t shaved for three weeks. The scarf has already formed into such a small beard. The daughter looked at me and said, “Dad, you’ll be Santa – Black Beard.” And I instantly imagined a pirate who took gallons on board and distributed gifts to everyone with a wild whistle!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №148705
 01.02.2018
I call the single reference of Moscow - only they can connect with the district MFCs:
- Please contact the MFC Ryazansky to find out if I was removed from the registration in the former place of residence.
- Such information is not provided by phone, you need to come personally with an identity card.
#$@% and! I set the phone and called:
I want to know the status of registration at the place of residence
How did the MFC submit documents?
and Ryazansky.
I connect.
In the MFC, I suggested everything without a whimper :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148704
 01.02.2018
Chelyabinsky court acquitted the eager, "self-constructing the road", and released the yplata of a fine of 2.5 million rubles.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148703
 01.02.2018
An Australian blogger has uploaded 10 white noise chats to YouTube. In two and a half years, he received five claims in connection with copyright infringement.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148702
 01.02.2018
Remember (which is older) the phones-automats, the same taxis that stood on the streets in buckets and under boxes? Where there were no mobile phones, they sometimes earned quite cool: you throw a coin (dry a phone card) and call. For some time, these phones were free. My future wife did not have a home phone, the poet went to the crossroads and called me from such a street house. The conversation was very long :)

As for these automatic phones, as it turned out, so you can call :) Yes, each of them had their city number (which is quite logical, but nobody thought about it!) is

It was discovered by chance, where I, walking with my wife, passed by that same apparatus. Think about pre-marriage romance. The wife picked up a mobile phone number, and a taxi number appeared on the screen. And then I decided to call back :) Give me a call. No, the call did not go, but when the wife took the telephone, the connection was established and we "talked."

The usual, entirely domestic "discovery" for some reason capitalized in the memory, as something surprising and unusual :)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №148701
 01.02.2018
If you are around the Apocalypse – be sure, be on a horse!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148700
 01.02.2018
Dear non-Moscow girl, you know, and I was plagued by people who are trying to forbid us, the Moscovites, to be proud of their city.

Read it again. They are not proud of the city, but of themselves that they are so wonderful - they were able to be born in Moscow! have overcome! have reached!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148699
 01.02.2018
My girlfriend gave me a fitness bracelet. There is no reminder of what is going on. I have been sitting at work lately. Now, where it works, I go to smoke. Not to sit. A useful thing, in short. I recommend!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148698
 01.02.2018
I am in trouble, brother. You know, Anka and I are still the shit. So I decided to make her offer original. The wedding trip turned into an ordinary trip to the sea - Anka for half a year can't break the puzzle box with the ring :(

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №148697
 01.02.2018
Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen was a very silent man. Rejecting frequent invites to dinner, he said:
I hardly talk to guests. The other guests, looking at me, are also silent. The owners become irritable. Why this me? Wherever I’m not visiting, society has a wonderful topic to talk about.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №148696
 01.02.2018
The acquaintance had a husband, who was twice in the basketball arranged a scandal in the exact same place. He was deadly offended and did not talk to his wife for several days. She could not understand what it was about. I wore it for insensitivity and inattention. I tried to fix and fix. And then I noticed that the scandal every day is arranged for a day to get the earnings and advance. And the allocation of money for the husband’s management of the farm “was gone.”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №148695
 01.02.2018
Wife to husband dreams:
We’re going to retire, we’re going to go to WOW.
Two years before the grandchildren leave.
So dishonestly! I spent my time with my kids. Let them sit with them!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №148694
 01.02.2018
I walk around Berlin and a local "enlightened" approaches me and with a familiar such an accent says:
Touch the true knowledge, read the Bhagavad-gita. Absolutely free!
I love to read, and this is such a great book for free:
– Let’s, I say, my Revelation, I’ll get acquainted tonight.
Of course, it turns out that the book is free, but a voluntary donation would not hinder:
As much as you have in your pocket, give it.
As you wish.
I lean into my pocket, solemnly take out two rubles from there, and, having taken the book, I go to sunset. On my back in Russian:
You and Python!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №148693
 01.02.2018
My son goes to the pool. I ask :
Do you not go into the water?
“You are, Dad, I’m not a little boy.
- Look, or the water around blue, there is a special composition.
It is not blue...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148692
 01.02.2018
One day I invited friends.

I was about 16 years old. I went to school and drank beer. There was no one at home like me. It’s all the more interesting to go out on a cold street or in a dirty parade. came to me. Opened the beer. Conversation was engaged.

And my father came back to work much earlier than he should have. Clock for seven. The father bluntly nodded his head. Beer was not approved. But he decided not to take educational measures. On the condition that we drink only one bottle and sit like adults - without the oatmeal and goot. I drank tea and sat down with us.

The conversation did not fade. And the father told the story of how he fought with the Uzbek in the army. The NAC had no such impressive stories. My dad told me one thing. As a young man, he mistakenly smoked marijuana and ran in the elevator. On the dessert, the father told about how in his childhood lost in the taiga and ate protein.

In the end, my friends came to visit me. They were friends with Dad.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna