— the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №13367
My mother cried out:
“Well, you’re mocking a girl, she’s only 18 years old... use her.

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №13366
Everyone whose parents/girlfriends go for holidays. Don’t forget to pour flowers!

[ + 76 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №13365
For those who want to look at real losers, go into some rpg, for example, in l2 at the time of the New Year celebration.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №13364
Fuck, I found something like that.
Deimos the clitoris?

[ + 119 - ] Comment quote №13363
* status in aske in one cow "all in tears"*
So is it again 7.
I don’t want to talk :(
XH: I understand
See also: Evon
Yes, Lena is there.
It’s not comfortable, sorry.
Oh yeah, I understand everything.
Sorry, but I don’t want to talk.

[ + 96 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №13362
Dear Father Christmas. If you are reading this, please do it to me and to everyone who plays this, according to the next year... so that all the deacons will slide on the ice and break the copper. We saved their lives. So that no student knew the proportionality of the hook placed on the study, and the ass that pops up at the end of the semester.
Happy New Year, my students! Peace to your parents. Health to all.

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №13361
My husband returned at Christmas.
Drunk and smoked.
Fatigue and tiredness on the face.
Butter on Eggs.
There is no foreign key.
wallets and lights.
and wife: ' Did he go to the crazy?'
'No, the collars sang to people!'
At Christmas, my wife came back.
As if the sun smiled.
All the red on the face.
in a new shirt of a singer,
Turn the key from the foreigner.
Gifts in the baggage.
How do you're from? I was fucking!and'
' No to my family It was'

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №13360

Pay for the Internet!!! to


[ + 101 - ] Comment quote №13359
How did the corporation go?

Don is
Looking for work

[ + 91 - ] Comment quote №13358
At the time of admission to work. I was looking for a customer manager who was sitting there, looking at the clock. Quite late, the girl falls, and an uncertain walk goes to the chair. He whispers at him, looks at the staff and spreads his hands and says:"Yes! I am drunk today!"

[ + 106 - ] Comment quote №13357
I don’t like the girls that I like, they’re too good, capricious, want money, and so on.

The girls I like are not in my taste, but they are ready to be the perfect wives.

Here you are standing at a crossroads! either to chase a glamorous mummy for a lifetime, which in 10 years will be like a mummy and with the same requests, or to live with a mummy, but in warmth and care... or to live alone and think that he fucked everyone... even himself=)

[ + 96 - ] Comment quote №13356
Today I went to "Sberbank" there is a children's corner, chairs, books of all kinds, but I attracted my eyes, a children's board with letters-magnetics, on which the booklets were written "I was fucking waiting." After an hour in line, I began to understand him.

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №13355
A wise man said that happiness is when you wake up on a Monday morning, look at your alarm clock and realize you can sleep a few more hours.
But I learned what Absolute Happiness is.
The alarm clock rings, I usually get up, I go off. I have already decided by habit what to wear, what to wear. I only notice an unusually strong alcoholic taste in my mouth and a stirring desire to fall dead. I hear the sleeping voice of my wife:
“Andrei, you fucking, where did you go this Sunday morning?

[ + 114 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №13354
I was cold, I decided to work in front of the NH and took the halter at home, it was necessary to assemble (montage, solder, disassemble, plug in the body) 20 special timer, and they look simple, a transformator, 4 buttons, small details and 4 large such red indicators, as in American movies, on bombs. Well, I did everything, went for the bodies, naturally not to waste time and collect everything in place, took the timer with me, stuck in the backpack and went. The stop at which I went out is against the CB where I was driving, but between them, what you think, the most of our square, like your red, in us it is called the square of independence, it is such a cool place that there are up to 3 monuments ^___^, and even under the NG a large tree is placed, naturally full of people, devor and mint. Apparently I looked too suspicious with a big backpack, and a bunch of mints called me.
Tagged with: F.I.O Show me what is in the backpack; and I did not suspect anything, I was happy that I ended earlier)
I open the backpack, from there on the menta brightly lights the timer sheets and the time on them goes (they work from cr2032 batteries), and I am so pretty at this time: Well, the hole to NG must be finished.
I just broke my hand :(
Happy New Year Fuck!

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №13353
Time is evening. End of working day. Some of our IT shakers are angry and hungry already, rushing out of the offices. The keys from the wing are kept by one person - the head of the IT department, my own. One employee left things and dropped into another wing that connects to our huge corridor. And it needs to be closed...No one wants to follow her. The boss said, call her. I put my voice in this corridor:
Irina Olegovna.
The Silence...
Irina Olegovna.! to
The Silence...
Irina Olegovna.! to
Here’s a woman’s voice: "Yes, I’m here! I am going!"
Behind me was a quiet voice from my boss:
It was crazy, fucking...

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №13352
Russians are people whose soul depth is measured in liters. c) Sj

[ + 83 - ] Comment quote №13351
I went to the department of our tram and trolleybus dog management.

He is warm, he is warm near the battery, he sleeps, he lives, no one touches him -

Winter is out on the street.

But here, once I stand on the shift, I see a dog sitting in the salon and

He goes to ride. It always comes out at the same stop.

In the evening, at the end of my shift at this same stop, he sits down and goes to

Sleep in the heat.

The conductor followed - the dog comes out at the stop and moves to the rear

The garden of a cafe - it is fed there.

He lives so.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №13350
There are two bombs in the rubbish.

The first:

There is a crisis in the country!

The second:

And this how?

Do you have any known oligarchs?

and no.

Now they will be.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №13349
I and my brother wear the minimum.
I and Watson are not there.
I have a quarterly report.
And I will hide my size.

(c) is

[ + 87 - ] Comment quote №13348
Conversation by phone:
Nothing that I swear?
No matter, I’m going to go crazy!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna