— the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №75154
You do not know her parents. Previously, they were asked, “Why don’t there’s a guy?” and then she said she didn’t like boys and she’s a lesbian at all... So now they are asked, “Why don’t there’s a girl?”

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №75153
Why do you use C++ instead of a programming language?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №75152
This place is similar to the army: the norm of shark behavior dominates - the wounded. In a closed society where everyone is to blame, the crime is to be caught.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №75151
The daughter goes to the toilet at night, then slightly mistakes the address and falls into the parent's bed. Dad (throwing a cat out of the pillow for the hundredth time) "Every day I raise up". Daughter:"Nea...(cries) I have already been born and attached)))))))))))

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №75150
Dear Drivers! I remind you - let go 80+ km / h on the ice through the pedestrian crossing. Through the transition can go not only an adult careful person, but also a child. Or what a drunk. Be drunk with everyone, and wash out your karma.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №75149
Now, 31.12, do you know what my smart, sober, 50 year old parents are doing? Cutting the salad? No is! There is an operation on the couch. The best surgical procedure! Cutting the abdomen with a scalpel, getting inside, applying seams! I had the imprudence to say that my plush eagle had a battery))

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №75148
New Year, Christmas trees everywhere, Santa Claus with drunk Snowmen, fireworks, all channels turn New Year's new and classic films, concerts with all kinds of petrosans, in general, all the huniya. And only NTV, fucking, says Street of Broken Lights.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №75147
In the wagon is displayed a lottery lottery advertisement. On the mirrors the inscription "Maybe a millionaire is looking at you". But for some reason it seems to me that they are warning so much that there is a hidden camera in the coupe that is broadcasting to some rich perverse.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №75146
You are in



XXX is
Done to Done to Done

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №75145
A day ago, a friend called, he says, the customers are completely upset: they demand to make a mobile app for all employees of the corporation, regardless of the model (!), to "with video chat and heliopositioning". He specifically asked them where their office was on the Sun. not understood.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №75144
1 cup of sweet tea
Drinking with Malina
1 cup with apple
1 piece of orange
1 ham with lemon
1.Rome and pepsicola
2 And there was the rest...

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №75143
Skype on December 30.
I was told to release the table tomorrow.
I want to clean the potatoes.
I will be cut off tomorrow.
If anyone wrote that he will be swept away tomorrow.
5: I have
Thanks Father Christmas for the Monthly (rofl)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №75142
Comments on the news about the delivery to Tyumen by the Ministry of Emergencies of diseased Russians in Thailand:

The Vector:
Here thanks, some infection from Thailand to Tyumen brought, and they do not tell what to prepare for.

The Other:
Vector, well, what do I hear the bell, and I don't know where it is from, where did some info about the infection some, what kind of throws?

The Vector:
Yes, I worry that no zombie apocalypse in the New Year's Eve happened, the storyline just suits the Qur'an has already broken through midnight, fireworks thunder throughout the city and residents celebrate the onset of the new year. In the hospital, the service staff misses a glass of champagne, while one of the patients recovers... The outcry of surprised nurses to return to the chamber leads to nothing. The virus has already gone through the incubation period in the patient's body and has mutated into a new, stronger strain. Soon, a small number of staff and the patient come out on the streets, already led by a bloody instinct. On the streets where drunk and relaxed and nothing suspicious, celebrating people... Whether it will be... the beginning of the end or the next line in the news about an incomprehensible psychosis... to be continued...

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №75141
On the UFSIN building in Saratov the inscription "With New Year"
Now the joke:
The guard, walking through the prison corridor, knocks his foot on the door of the cell.
Peter, Happy New Year to you.
June in the courtyard.
Your case was revised - year added

So I am about the inscription)))

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №75140
Commentary on a collection of film photographs on the network:
It’s so hipster that while I was watching these photos, my shirt wrapped around the monitor, started my blog and wrote that Rushka is fucking fucking.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №75139
In the new year, the tachskrin will have the smell of mandarine :)

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №75138
Yesterday at the corporation shot in a tir... Colleagues are now afraid, think that the training has been successful...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №75137
xxx: Dear, you know I have been dreaming of a Darth Vader voice modulator helmet for many years!
YYY: Oh... and we’ll buy bright spells and you’ll be waving your light sword, Jedi.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №75136
The funniest thing is that it is enough to be just a nice and a physicist to become the queen of the semiconductor physics institute.
xxx: of course

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №75135
With Laura:
Question by Haskell:
Why, when building a category where objects are data types and morphisms are functions, a closed symmetrical monoid category (like Hilb, where objects are end-dimensional Gilbert spaces with ordinary tensor work and morphisms are linear operators) is obtained from the variant of the typed lambda-calculation on the combinators, but not the decart category, which is Set?

Answer to:
It brought me into a deadlock and I started drinking.

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