bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №137461
 31.12.2016
A story about the Lexus cat

What under the tag - that's old-fashioned... But here's a quite real story about the cat and the vaccines: on the challenge of "cat Chubais, go!" at the same time I and my unfamiliar grandmother tried to enter the office. What is offensive: Chubai's grandmother turned out to be more red and roasted. My teenage teenager in his background somehow... ((

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137460
 31.12.2016
and powder.

The Prehistory. We have a retired woman, a very caring mother, who communicates daily with her separated married son. One summer, his son complained to her that he had severely and extensively wiped his leg. Anxious mother, telling her to go to work for starch to fill the wiped spot, pulled him with a half pound in a carefully packed package.

The history. After taking the starch from his mother, the son worked a day, and in the evening they and his wife decided to go for a walk. Walking through the streets, they met the wife's brother, the son exchanged with him a strong handshake, moved a few words and separated. And we must say that the brother of the son's wife, unlike herself, has long been widely known in narcissists' narcissists' narcissists' narcissists' narcissists' narcissists, who retain their human appearance only at the expense of another gentle mother, the son's aunt. And here they departed from the meeting place for 50 meters, and on them because of the bushes from both sides some people jump, twist their hands and polite but persistently offer to pass. It was impossible to refuse. Oh, what was it, the boss, what was it when in the department from his son's bag pulled the mumlin's bag with starch, which he safely forgot for a day and did not put out at home. No scene from the "Revisor", no less. In the eyes of the guards of order, the thoughts revolved like in a koledoscope, read in them and hope for a major revelation and new stars, and doubt, because it hurts a big bag... Well, they opened the bag, did it, apologized, of course, let go. And mother, I see, her son no longer calls for soap foods.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №137459
 31.12.2016
I did not see my grandfather from the side of my father as a child very often. When I met my grandfather, he always joked with me. And one of his favorite jokes was to ask me if I learned to talk.
“Well, I’ve learned how to talk,” Grandfather asked.
- Of course I learned, I will soon go to school - I answered proudly.
And my grandfather gave:
How do I check now. But say "I am a finticulture man. I can finticulture finticulture and refinticulture".

And never in that time I was able to pronounce this fine-culture-written PZDC.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №137458
 31.12.2016
May in the New Year there be more warmth and less work in your life (James Joule)
Yyy: In short, you are low cpd.)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №137457
 31.12.2016
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx No one is going to go, go, go.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №137456
 31.12.2016
I went to the store:
Can I get a small pack of marshmallows?
Sorry, it is not for sale right now. is finished.
On the website it is stated that they exist.
Only on order in our store.
I wanted to spit on it, but I need Marshmallow now. I went over the corner and opened their website, placed an order and indicated self-export from the store I recently left. I waited about 5 minutes and went back.
I would like to take my order from you.
The guy looked at me strangely and sneered.
The order number?
I dictated from the screen. The guy leaned and got a pack of marshmallow from somewhere from the closet at the bottom of the bench. I paid the bag and went home, still not realizing what the hell was.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137455
 31.12.2016
Talk about the promised release of a new version of the product:
"... the programmer has already compromised everyone and now throws this into the testers"

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №137454
 31.12.2016
My friend and I often walk in a park near the house. Once we walked there, it was late and dark, we gathered home, and the area was not very safe, and it was scary to go. A dog ran by and I joked to her, "Take us home, please!" She stopped, looked at us carefully and went with us. She just walked next to the house, and when we approached the entrance, she turned and left.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №137453
 31.12.2016
xxx is. I shock the kids. I tell them that there is such a person – Boris Akunin, a Russian writer and historian. They do me - yes, we know that (we have good children, read and all that). And I am him – only he is not Boris, but Gregory; not Akunin, but Chartishvili; not Russian, but Georgian, not a writer, but a translator, not a historian, but shit. Instead of the last word, I choose a different wording, but the essence is the same. And you ask them how to explain that the Communist Party of the Russian Federation has nothing to do with communism. somehow the same.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №137452
 31.12.2016
Children's writer Larisa Nizza threw a handful of little things into the cashier.

WOW, and that would not shake!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137451
 31.12.2016
xxxh: I propose to introduce a new article of the Criminal Code, namely 'extortion of likes'. I even know where all the OPGs can be caught...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137450
 31.12.2016
XX: solve the mystery
What is the difference between an Englishman and a Jew?

YYY: That’s even I can say: one word is written with error, the other without.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137449
 31.12.2016
The child asked a question to which I don’t know the answer: “Does Santa bring gifts to people who dress up as Santa?”

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137448
 31.12.2016
I used to like girls and calculators, then women and computers. Recently, computers have become liked less and women more. What about me? Is it normal?
This is a reaction to Windows 10!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №137447
 31.12.2016
Today I understood the true meaning of the word “to break off” in “to break off with friends/in the club”... It means “to break off the couch.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137446
 31.12.2016
I did not see my grandfather from the side of my father as a child very often. When I met my grandfather, he always joked with me. And one of his favorite jokes was to ask me if I learned to talk.

“Well, I’ve learned how to talk,” Grandfather asked.

- Of course I learned, I will soon go to school - I answered proudly.

And my grandfather gave:

How do I check now. Say, “I am a finticulture man. I can finticulture finticulture and refinticulture.”



And never in that time I was able to pronounce this fine-culture-written PZDC.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №137445
 31.12.2016
I work as a garbage driver. The job is not prestigious. But they pay well in time. And working here. You can see all the shit and shit of people. Especially on holidays. Cars park closing the way to containers. Block the container. If you do not collect the garbage, they start filing complaints in all instances. Good to photograph. Otherwise, you will be fined for non-export without a reason. It is also difficult for many people to bring their bags to the containers. Throw packages right next to the entrance. Again, there are complaints that there is rubbish. collapse where they live.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137444
 31.12.2016
The question about the metric system of measurements: how to explain to a foreigner that 6 liters of samsung is not a lot?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137443
 31.12.2016
Lensky: we have a chatter living for three years after dismissal
Catsmile: We have twice as many people in the bathroom chat than in the working room.
catsmile: from work people leave, from the bath chat - no

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №137442
 31.12.2016
A drunk tractorist cleaned the road in the village... well, you can also ride on the ground :lol: although the asphalt would have stood for more than one year.


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