— the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №147775
Better no education (provided of awareness of its incompetence and willingness to consult with experts, if necessary - then outsiders), than "Wikipedian omniscience."

Not better, believe me. They know what a double integral is and calmly hear that this is not possible in this case. And that it would be better to iteratively push back from the prototype, and modernize on the work series. And then they will compare the dates about which the mathematician does not want to know and should not know, and they will ask if he will fit into the twentieth.
Again, you did not talk to a typical manager who knows nothing and commands everything, and in response he doesn’t listen, “I’m the chief.” You can’t even imagine another leader anymore, so it went.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №147774
Our cat is aesthetic, drinks with a lap: soaks it in a bowl and slices water. Naturally, in the water then remain wool and dust, which he pulled on his legs. One evening, his husband washed his dishes and suddenly felt emotionally upset:
How could he have been so stuck in his own bowl of water?! to
So when he drinks, he squeezes his unwashed hands.
His legs are squeezed, no-go!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №147773
My husband and I were closer to divorce than ever before. I watched Captain America. Let me ask you:
Why is Captain America the first Avenger? He was from World War II and Wonder Woman from the First.
Who knew that Justice League and Avengers are different universes?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №147772
Is that what we fuck?

What did you do to the Belarusians? "Fucking Pindos" we are generally called some kind of Rasha... )))

In English, Russia is Rush, in German, Rusland, in Belarusian, Rushia, in Ukrainian, Russia (I wrote as it is pronounced, without Latin). Does this affect anyone in Russia? At least an absolute minority. But almost all Belarusians (and I judge not only by their experience) consider it their duty to correct: not Belarus, but Belarus. In another neighboring country, the question of what excuse to write in a foreign language when indicating the direction in general is a matter of state policy.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №147771
The article on the topic "Don’t stumble, call children by well-known names".

The Persian satanists Natalia and Konstantin Menchikov called their first son Lucifer and the second son Voldemar. At first, the parents wanted to name the second son Lestat, in honor of the vampire from the novels Anne Rice. "But acquaintances began to diminishably call the crumb Lists. What else is this?” the mother of the child was upset. Voldemort in the family plans to be called "Will". "Strong name", explained by Natalia

fax: And the fact that the first boys in school can easily be baptized by Lucius, the parent of this faction Inferno did not take into account?
pn314: Fax, I don't even know why you'll be broken inside - for "Lyutika", or for this "crossed".
Tarhun: This is if butaphore satanists. The real will make a complaint about insulting the honor and dignity of the instances and will bring to the attention of their leadership:)) Bad faxes are sent to hell by an ancient external modem - with a whistle. And you will be condemned forever to listen to these whispers and whispers.
RPA:.. and next to you will be beating your grandmother and beating you for taking your phone!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147770
A friend went to visit me, took five daughters. In the train, an elderly man climbed:"What do you do, girls alone?"
The girlfriend says:"No, the boys are there. I just left them all at home."

The boys really are at home. So much the same. of Israel.)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №147769
The word is jargon. It appeared in St. Petersburg after the arrival of the Persian embassy, which brought a gift - an elephant. It was in 1717. The elephant lived not long, about three years. Under Anna Ioanovna, new elephants were brought from India. So, there was no zoo, and the elephant was taken out to walk through the streets of the city. The elephant, a healthy, strong animal that could be used more efficiently than a horse, walked without a deed - elephant. A new word was born. The word "elephant" is an ethymon in relation to the word "sleep". It was this theme that lay at the base of Krylov’s fairy tale “The Elephant and Moska.”

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №147768

Belarusian language it every before Russian appeared))
The entire Russian language is the Slavic-Tatar Surzhik, well diluted by French, German and English transformers)) it is by this that the Polish, Belarusian and Ukrainian will speak each in their own language and understand each other, and you are not. This is why it is so important for you to humiliate all other languages, otherwise the empire will collapse immediately.)

It’s even better than the old ones!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №147767
xxx: Cheyerman’s disease – Mao’s disease. Is it possible to do BP with this disease? Has anyone done something like self-esteem?
A banal infinity? The basketball? A whitening girl? Bombing the poor? A sick prostitute?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №147766
from the survey site. The subject is your worst secret. One of the answers:
I’m even afraid to think that my wife will learn that in my youth I had romances with both cousins.
The comments:
A: It is how. and stop. Have you had romances with your brothers? Your mother! I blushed...
BBB: Yes, you, the brake, I was crazy as soon as I read it!
CCC: And he’s a homofob-zanuda – he first needs to clarify all the details, and then blame for his pleasure.
DDD: A man and his brothers? Lannister would be jealous of you.
Oh yeah yeah yeah! I just came to you with your comments!

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147765
The complex. The empire of whom.

Belarusian language it every before Russian appeared))
The entire Russian language is the Slavic-Tatar Surzhik, well diluted by French, German and English transformers)) it is by this that the Polish, Belarusian and Ukrainian will speak each in their own language and understand each other, and you are not. This is why it is so important for you to humiliate all other languages, otherwise the empire will collapse immediately.)

First, there is no Russian language. He is Russian.
Second, the modern Belarusian appeared later than the Russian. In fact, ancient Russian, although it is ancient, but Russian. Several languages grew out of it. And if there are no old-Russian questions, it is also, although old-Russian, then the language of VKL is still unclear, whether old-Belarus, old-Ukrainian, or Western-Russian. I will imperially nobly refuse western-Russian, but as long as you and the chokhlam do not understand whether it was Belarusian or Ukrainian, it cannot be considered Belarusian. And only from it grew up a modern and independent Belarusian.
A large number of borrowings in Russian only indicate that the language is alive and used. There is no borrowing in dead languages.
Study history and linguistics in this way, and don’t drop it all on mythical imperial complexes. There are no empires complexes. Apart from missiles.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №147764
Religion and religion are two big asses.
The differences.
The ass.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №147763
With the years you begin to realize: it is not important how much you have lived, but how much you have left.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №147762
A girl comes in front of me in a trolleybus. Three bags, an umbrella, a backpack and an avoska. I am on my shoulder (I bow under two meters), but thin and thin. I saw the only free spot - and jumped on it! She put a huge bag under her feet, determined the bag to be smaller from the top, threw a backpack on her knees, immediately hanged a wet umbrella on some undetectable screw, and twisted an avoska somewhere in two accounts. Everything is fast, sophisticated, and so everything is fine with her, and it looks fun and awkward that I couldn't stand, I was angry. It’s a long day at work in the morning, and this one too. As if somebody could be harder than me.
“Girl,” I say, “will you give me a place? I do not feel well.
Of course! - smiles, and in a moment of the eye everything is again on it in reverse order: avos, umbrella, backpack, bags.
Please sit down, he said.
So what, I sat down. The desire to portray the patient has almost disappeared, but the anger is still bursting: what is this whistleblower, is it hanging out?! to
Give me my bags on my knees.
You are, they are heavy. I am here soon to go out, a couple of stops of everything, - and again smiles.
I had to go to the next.
But I, of course, did not go out the next, and I went with her to the end and helped carry the heavy bags home. Although she turned away. I, he says, two weeks on the mountains and their slopes carried, so I will bring home.
All 25 kilos?? to
There are only 23 here, he laughs. “Al I still had a backpack with food, it was plus ten.
Of course, it is easy now, well. And it was only 48 and a half kilos at the time, for a minute.
That’s why I know so exactly – now, after the third child, she’s grown to 50 kg.
On my hands, I wear dust. There is nothing heavier than a box of sweets. But she is an instructor of mountain tourism, she is forbidden. She even laughs at me - I should complain that something is hard, she laughs: take you on the pen? I stopped complaining, I am ashamed.
But something tells me – if it’s really hard, my beloved wife will smile on her fragile shoulders with bags, children and me, and easily and amusedly pull into the cave known only to her by the shortest route.

I am here for it all. Give girls a place in public transportation. The feeling of guilt is, fucking, a terribly strong feeling.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №147761
The Russian Post congratulates everyone on the New Year 2016!

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147760
xxx: Sometimes you ask a person a cavernous question: what is the chemical designation of bronze, and he replies without thinking: "Bn". And you suddenly realize that you have overestimated his mental abilities.
YYY: Ahahah, what a Down you need to be to confuse bronze with armor.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №147759
What is the most important thing about gaming headphones?
Yyy: The main thing in gaming headphones is not to look at porn with the back to the door

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147758
All big countries are always bad. The good people do not survive.

All big nations behave like bandits, all small nations behave like prostitutes.
by von Bismarck

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147757
to this

The Universal Material

>> Who needs 300 kinds of building materials when the ordinary red brick replaces everything perfectly?

It is charming!
Well, we built a house, what will we cover? A brick and cover!
I have to choose the walls. The brick will be glued, it will be stylish.
- More pipes and sanitary equipment remained... Oh, yes.

Here you laugh, and under St. Petersburg in the village of Kandyula is a completely concrete house. It has everything concrete: the walls, the double roof, all the auxiliary structures around, the fence, the gate! All of this is a thickness of at least 50 cm.
Locals say the owner had unlimited access to concrete during the construction of the AES.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147756
It was in the universe at first grade. Physics was taught by a middle-aged teacher. He had such a chip - he didn't let anyone into the audience after he himself entered it. All those who were late he sent out to walk.

I mean I go on a route to the universe. The first couple is physics. I look at the clock and I am late.

Suddenly I noticed that the same reed was sitting next to me.

The further dialogue:

I: Hi Vladimir Ivanovich.

A: Hi you young man. You have a chance not to be late today, but keep in mind I’m running fast.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna