I live in South Korea. I stayed in the motel for a few days. I have a cherry on my foot. As a man of old hardening, I trust ancient remedies, so I treated the wound with Vishnevsky ointment, which I carried with me, glued it with a patch and fell asleep. And in the morning I found that the bandage was asleep and the dark green, brown ointment was slightly smeared on the snow-white bed.

I think okay. Change by evening.

In the evening I come back, and really the bed changed, and in addition to the bed, in the area of the ass, I laid a cloth... There was still a butterfly on the tub. The shameful...

My friend went on a trip to Obninsk. I decided to connect the local simka. He enters a communication room.

and hello. I want to connect to the local network.

Good morning, please get your passport.

The girl takes a passport, leaps to the page with registration, raises her eyes and says:

We cannot connect you.

Known with confusion:

Why is? ? to

“Because you are registered in Kamchatka, and this is not Russia.

...... ? to What is this?

I do not know.

- Girl, open the first page, there in Russian is written "Citizen of the Russian Federation"!

No, we will not sign a contract, take your passport.



Connected to the neighboring room. The foreigner EPA.

Here you are even afraid to raise the voice on the official, and Kokorin and Mamayev decided to raise the chair!

I’ll tell you a cat’s story. Sometimes it can?

When I was a student, we had a cat at our college. Ordinary such, grey striped. They called her Docente (women’s gender from “docent” in Lithuanian). What is the name of the university cat? Especially one who likes to attend lectures, exams and accounts.

We met her on the day I came to take my first entrance exam - the history of the USSR. I was nervous, of course. I was worried. But when I entered a small, sun-filled audience, I saw that a cat was comfortably arranged on a wide window and was washed in nothing. The spectacle was so home-friendly that all the nervousness evaporated somewhere, and the exam passed surprisingly easily and calmly. Especially because the examiners were rarely kind. Per the cat also acted calmly on them?

When the school year began, we saw that Docente loved lectures and preferred to have as many people as possible. In the audiences there were long old banks-party, where five or six people sat. The cat was usually arranged between two students and slept, listening to the lecturer. Those she chose felt very polished and confessed, not forgetting to scratch her behind her ear from time to time.

She loved the subject of "Ancient literature". These lectures were held on Saturdays – the elderly professor who read them was, simultaneously, Minister of Higher and Secondary Special Education of the Lithuanian SSR. And by education he was a philologist-classic (Latin and ancient Greek). He loved his subject so much that even ministerial duties could not force him to refuse to teach his beloved Latin and ancient literature.

He seemed to have lived for these few Saturday hours all week and could not wait. Students felt and appreciated this – the lectures were extremely lively and entertaining. Despite Saturday morning, almost no one ever missed them.

The professor himself was a remarkable figure. High, wide-handed, with a lush grille of gray hair, always unusually elegant in a dark suit and a white shirt, and the voice is a deep rocky bass baritone. Two hundred people listened to the lecture without any stress, it was heard perfectly even in the furthest corners of the huge auditorium.

Sometimes the professor was fascinated and began to declare Latin or Greek hexameter, walking from window to door. (Steps helped hold the rhythm.) At the same time, he still raised his already powerful voice, and then his declaration began to ring the window windows.

The cat did not like it anymore. As soon as the poems began, she jumped off the bench and walked relentlessly through the passage, proudly holding her tail with a pipe. Arriving at the professor, she tore his trousers, as if advising to stop this noise, and then, without achieving the result, also hastily went to the exit. The professor, not stopping to declare, opened the door (the students grumbled - the lecture was interesting, but with the cat was somewhat cooler), released it and continued to step out.

The cat was also present at other classes. A teacher of German used it in grammar examples - Die Katze sitzt am Fenster.... A young and very enthusiastic teacher of vocabulary as an oral exercise offered to tell what a cat thinks about students or life in general - first-class students forgot about their shyness, and the stories sometimes turned out very funny... The tortured teacher of logic, pointing to the four-legged "free listener", urged students to listen to his lectures just as carefully...

Sometimes she was with us and in the reading room. In the long winter evenings, the circles of light from the lamps lay on the tables, and in silence only the pages shurched, and the cat murmured... The blessed sense of peace and peace in these evening hours was remembered after many years...

The librarians did not bother the cat at all. They only rejoiced in her presence – for books, mice pose a serious danger.

In the spring, cats were born. Three grey-banded, and one black with a white manic and in white socks.
- Such an educated lady, - the students pretended to crush, - and where was it, I wonder, she was able to find a couple? She needed a Cat Scientist, and there was probably just a cat...But where is it? Look at this cavalier.

The cat did not wait long and announced quite soon. A week or two later we found him in one of the small university courtyards, where he obviously decided to settle. A black valley beautiful man with white breasts sat on a height and thoughtfully looked around the surroundings. With the posture and expression of the face, that is, forgive me, the mouth, he reminded us of someone painfully. When I looked closer, I suddenly realized who it was.

The cat was called “Professor.”

As it turned out, Kokorin and Mamayev celebrated the end of the football career.

I was 18 years old. The Winter. I ran for a meeting with a girlfriend. My path was to the subway, and there is a small slope, well, and the sidewalk plate lies, as Sobyanevsky suggested. Slowly shorter. So here, and on the way my grandfather gets in my eyes, old and with a stick. I think I will help him. Or suddenly slide, there is a fracture of the hip neck, the hospital and the grandfather's cranes. I approach and ask:

Hi to you! I’m always polite to help you. I can lead you, or smoothly.

My grandfather was delighted, and in my hand was stuck an acky cloth. He said he was chewing at home and gave me the address. And happy, I know the address (with my topographic cretinism).

I know where it is. I live in the same house!

My grandfather was blooming. I carried him until I came in. And he says:

Here is thanks! Which entrance are you from? Could we meet?

Stay a lot??? What do you mean, grandfather?

Move to me.

I strongly refused. But now I regret, the apartments with the old grandfather on the road do not fall!