bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №151780
 15.02.2019
xxx: I once asked a lecturer at the university at the Faculty of Linguistics why we are taught English so silly, and she honestly replied that this is the informal wish of the dean of our Faculty of Mathematics: "We should only be able to read the report in English at an international scientific and practical conference, and for greater English we should not know because in this case we will quickly leave the country." I learned English at a language school and left the country. The End

I missed the dean! It was necessary to teach mathematics heroically that no one needed it!

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №151779
 15.02.2019
I sit yesterday in the hospital, I do not touch anyone, writes some left guy type give 58k loan, I will give my mother swear.

Well, I am ready for such a scheme already, I say, of course, no question. I have a special card. These sums are not sent to the left. You need to give me 500 rubles first and then I will send you back as much as you want and those 500 rubles. This is where my scheme worked for years always ended. But not today.



500r is here. on the map. I’m thinking what to do with them...

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №151778
 15.02.2019
Politics is sewage: it smells awful, but without it nothing.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №151777
 15.02.2019
The words of a friend.

In response to the story about the daytona: https://www.anekdot.ru/id/996138/

A few years ago, in the summer, I woke up at five in the morning from loud sounds. There was such a thunder as if someone decided to spray a sheet of metal with a circular saw with large teeth. I put my head under the pillow and tried to fall asleep.

We repeated the next day, with the only difference - the craftsman began to shave 10 minutes earlier.

On the third day, I jumped out on the street with a firm intention to kill somebody, but it was quiet on the street. Only a bird flew from the roof of my house.

As I should have thought and realized that the time of the beginning of the craftsman's work correlates very well with the rising of the sun, I suspected the bird that flew away (to consider it properly I did not have time).

On the fourth day, I set up the alarm 15 minutes before sunrise, quietly went out and saw the metal pipe of my house as a thief sat down and began to forget it. The frequency of shocks was stunning – not in vain I thought it was a circular saw. I threw a stone, but I missed it. He looked at me with contempt and fled.

Searches on the Internet revealed that the dots bite the house in two cases. One - if they hear that there are bugs inside the wall. But it was unlikely that the thief tried to get to the bushes through a sheet of metal. Other dots knock around the house, indicating their territory and attracting representatives of the fair sex. The louder the knock, the more attractive the knocking. My daddy found the perfect source of sound, a metal tube, and was clearly not going to stop his morning concerts.

I went on the path of war. Throwing stones and screaming made no impression on him. He continued to dumb. Eventually, I bought a child’s water gun and shot it with a stream of water. From surprise, the devil fled. But the next day he just moved over to the other side of the pipe so that I could not see him, and on the third day, having raised his wings, he took a pleasant shower and then continued to crack. To admit the defeat was inferior to my human dignity (although I was already accustomed to meeting the dawn in anticipation of the dawn), so I decided to overtake it.

Since the sound was important to the dart, I covered the pipe with pieces of foam and, in order to keep them in place, wrapped them with a metal grid. For the first time in a long time, I went out before dawn in anticipation of victory. Dyatel, as usual, flew, sat on the trumpet and struck with a clove. There was no sound. He shrugged his head and tried another place. The result was the same. The pieces of foam were thick (packaging from the TV), so he couldn’t break them into small pieces and pull them out of the grid (as well as break the grid). After two days of torture, he left forever. I started sleeping quietly in the morning, proving (at least to myself) that I was smarter than the day.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №151776
 15.02.2019
Exclude the decree from the working period. Include the decree in the working period.
Allow the drivers to promile. Drivers are prohibited from promile.
Prohibit the collection. Allowing to collect.
Remove commercial kiosks and bars. Restore commercial kiosks and bars.
Prohibit the sale of alcohol in the vicinity of social facilities. Allow the sale of alcohol in the vicinity of social facilities.
God, how much work the Russian officials have! No time to rest!

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151775
 15.02.2019
When I was 14, my uncle often took me and his son to the country. He himself built a house, and sometimes they slept there in a construction wagon.

The area was quiet, some areas were abandoned.

Here we sleep at night. In my dream, I feel someone pulling my hand. I wake up, and this brother is on the floor and looks at me with wild eyes. I say, Pacha, you are the type of what? And he points my finger to keep me quiet and knocks out the window. I looked out the window and felt the blood in my veins shrink. From the window it was clearly visible that someone was looking at us from the street and terribly moving his hands. I wavered greatly. I tell my brother to wake my father. His father usually slept on the other side of the car. He said he was afraid of noise. He started whispering trying to wake his father. But he is silent. It is not visible in the dark. And then I realized that this man on the street and is my uncle, just went to smoke. He just often went out in the evening to smoke and pretend what can be done with the car driver later. And I calmly say so loudly, Pacha (brother), that he has borrowed. And then from the other end of the wagon comes the voice of the uncle: "Boys, why are you not sleeping? “”

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №151774
 15.02.2019
In France, I was not sold beer at the McDonald’s at Disneyland without snacks. Strange people. I ordered eight beers and a little potato.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna