Mistakes in Advertising:
“Rental of non-residential premises!”

Not to say that I have been working this way for a long time in life, but in 17 years I understood one thing. It works in 100% of cases with any director. If he stood up, congratulated the NG and sat down, then everything went wrong. It will be the thirteenth, evil and wickedness. If he started smashing the pink slugs about “We’re all one team, we have to get even stronger, work even harder, because it’s our common affair, I love everyone as brothers and sisters. We are a family of...blablable". All the naked. Money is not, Oleg(s) is called Sit and rejoice with the family, fuck.

My husband grew up in a family where there were never any pets, and I was an avid cat. For a long time asked the kitten, which always received the same answer, that, say, there will never be cats in our house, never, and for nothing, and if there is, then they will not sleep in cages, exclusively on the carpet near the threshold, and in general... cats is unhygienic, impractical and unnecessary. But the Russians did not give up, she connected her daughter, in general, we reached him, and for the New Year, we had this miracle... on their head.
I will not stop on how on the first day he sat on the floor half a day near the couch and watched the cat sleep on his favorite pillow, which we and his daughter categorically cannot touch, how he screams on me in the morning, that he should sleep more carefully, because I shake my legs and slide the blanket from it, as he blasphemes that I am not feeding on schedule and in general in the menu today she has a chicken (he is hanging on the refrigerator for a week), and I fooled the fish, as she was wearing at night as an electric wheel, grabbed with a knife on the carpet and on the turn stumbled into a cradle, and it is my fault because I turned off for the night, and she was dark, so she spotted and fell. I will tell you the last one.
Yesterday we argue, I am in the fire: “Yes, I have your priorities somewhere at the cat’s level.” He said indignantly, “How could you think like that – I’m hiding it, he continues – where you are, and where the cat is!”

Lovers of historical anecdotes:

Now you will all die.
Pushkin did not have a talent for mathematics from the word "totally", but he perfectly mastered iterative method.
He used it to polish the word, not knowing how it was called.
In black it is well seen.
Yes, he had an instrument from the exact science, and in all other things alien to him, in the application to the humanities. And it worked not only great, but at the level of “our all.” And that’s clearly his personal trait, I don’t think he was taught that.
So talent does not just happen to everyone to different things, it also has its own form, often very bizarre.
— — — —

Yes is? Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin received a very good education, and there is no doubt that along with the knowledge useful in practical life, knowledge, obviously not in demand, played a huge role in the formation of his general educational base and worldview. The poet’s interests were diverse. Peter Andreevich Vyazemsky wrote about Pushkin that he was passionate about the natural sciences and especially mathematics, which were the most important capital of his knowledge, and were to the end a favorite subject of his studies and deep research.
In general, no problem, there are only talents and cheeks around.

Today in the group about sharks found a genius:
Shark (even the big white) attack those who are smaller than themselves. Of the two potential victims, she chooses the smaller one. So hold on to children, lean people, or take a dog to swim with you. The most effective way.

An intelligent aunt in her years speaks on the phone on the street: “Yes, lol, here, lol, you imagine...”
Only 50 meters later came to me that the interlocutor’s name was Lola.

The head of the Russian Railway, Oleg Belozerov, in an interview with the corporate newspaper "Gudok" regretted the fact that the company still operates cars with non-modern toilets of the "gravity type".

Is there an anti-gravity toilet?
Is it all shit back in the rod?
Why is it in Rojo? :)

One friend told me about a well-known office in our region - a producer of sausage products, which is famous for the quality of products. So one of the ways to maintain this quality is chosen as follows: employees start their working day with a dense breakfast, the basis of which is the sausages, sausages, sardines, which they themselves made yesterday. The idea is that the workers will not do it, sorry, because they themselves will have to do it later. And the idea works: sausages get what they need.

Any device that works poorly, after eliminating all its shortcomings ceases to work at all.

fak

It was good in the air, from the very morning the long-awaited winter sun spawned. I was driving in a warm road, listening to music in my headphones, waiting for spring and admired the wet snow forest outside the window. One hour to Moscow, you can have time to sleep. Even the girls — loud whistles, those who sat in front of me, could not hinder, because I have good headphones.

We stopped and got bored on the train. In the neighboring row to the right was a black Porsche Cayenne. Cayenne’s driver, a young, white-haired guy, looked at the advertising inscriptions on the dirty side of our bus, until he met the little girls with his eyes. The guy smiled and very gracefully, with barely noticeable movements of his hands and with a slight tilt of his head, made a reverence, like the king’s most true musketeer. I bet that this guy at the time, studied the stage movement very deeply.

The girls stunned, seemingly, commented somehow and, without speaking, showed a "fake" in response.
The Musketeer made a very sad face, even his lower lip was touchingly shaken. Directly from the air, he snatched an invisible flower, most likely a rose, and the finger was ridiculously “crawled” and threw the flower to the beauty.
The beauties again struck and in turn, already with two hands showed "fake"

The cavalier in Cayen smiled, and in response sent an air kiss. The kiss flew ridiculously throughout the car, until the musketeer opened the fork to let him go. The ladies again stumbled and again showed the “fact”.
The Musketeer laughed amusedly and, suddenly, depicted with his fingers a fast-going man - this meant that he was inviting the girls to his car.

The girls again defiled, but the "fake" did not show, but the gestures asked again, saying - do you really call us or joke?

The guy confirmed, attaching his hands to his huge, beating heart and then the girls decidedly jumped out of their seats and shouted to the driver to open the door, they urgently need to get out here.

The door opened, the girls struck out, at the same time, the motor exploded in the road, because the shlagbaum had already risen in front.

The ladies approached Kajen and knocked at the doors, but the door for some reason did not open, the guy made a sad face, wiped out the invisible tears and in his own manner, showed a very graceful "fak", then gazanul and with a bucket hole disappeared somewhere behind the move.

We also left and only two abandoned girls remained on the road, in the middle of this wet, snowy forest.

What unreliable, these musketeers...

As a child, when I listened to the radio "Mayak", I thought: how they live there in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsk, if they have all the time at midnight.

>> Do you want anyone to bother you? Carry all your treasures in your pockets so that they don’t melt away.

Interesting, when dedicating to the wasserman, the beard is given or it is necessary to come with it?
And the brain?

On the other hand, a friend told me how she and her little daughter in a blue dress made friends on vacation with another mother and her five-year-old boy. The boy insisted on calling his girlfriend’s daughter “he” and “that boy” (due to the color of the combination). One day a friend heard him talk to his mother:
Why is Anna so sad?
Anja is a girl.
Is he so sad?

A huge round uncle constantly with his enormousness. He feels his body and evades, missing people. And you do not feel the backpack, besides, behind the back it is in the blind zone, and you scratch them all passers, thinking that they are you "attacking".

And remember, children, don’t drink coffee from a cup if it’s not your cup, but Petri.

“Bl#t, Serego, the terminal server has crashed!
I am root.
Do you update the system on it?
I am root.

The Courage
At least, with sudden turns of your body, this dirty bag will stop hitting completely strangers in the face.
And do not be upset when you are taken for the backpack and attached to the mouth of the order - it is deserved.
– is
The overwhelming number of courageous friends - suddenly loses their will, facing someone other than their children, their grandmother, and generally outside of the Internet.