bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №128173
 16.05.2016
I was 12. I sit at home, look at the telephone and there is a bell at the door - my friend stands and says, "Well you are long?" And suddenly I remembered that 40 minutes ago I went in to drink water and he was waiting in the entrance.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128172
 16.05.2016
Basil by the way. Peter at V.O. There is a house that consists of 3/4 of memorial boards.
I remember only that there lived Euler, Ostrogradsky, Pavlov and half a hundred other lighthouses.
Probably, this increases the cost of a square meter, but when we went to look at the academician Pavlov's apartment-museum, we found out that the stairs were rolling tobacco.

And then you can see the downtown bead. Vasa, fucking, not cigarettes, but artifacts! The glass was broken by Euler himself. How to insert a glass when it is broken by Euler? Because of the giftless restoration we have lost millions of artifacts and works of art.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128171
 16.05.2016
Nubilius: Brief description of the new Doom: In this game, the gasoline is running out of the gasoline. Groovy
Sharp_ey: It is sad.
Nubilius: It is realism!
Sharp_ey: We have brought all kinds of realism into our Word and are delighted.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №128170
 16.05.2016
You can bring as many arguments as you want in favor of washing the roads in the rain, but the frame of a column of watershed washing the road under the rain is present in almost every Soviet comedy.
And it is really funny.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128169
 16.05.2016
I remembered the story from school too. Oh, it was a long time ago, and until now the blood in the veins is boiling, as I remember. I went the exam, I knew the subject perfectly, I went in the first three of the passers, the first pulled out the ticket and immediately, without preparation, sat down to answer.

An oral question answered, the task was solved in front of the eyes, additional questions were taken and... was sent out. With the scream and oath of my “loved” teacher who accused me of blasting my tickets.

I offered to get another ticket, but she literally pushed me out of the office. Sitting until the last, I went in again.

I decided to do differently and took a ticket, typically prepared. Eventually, when he told it all again and showed it, he was accused of copying. I was given a “three”.

He can’t know more, that’s the verdict.

This phrase hit me so hard, a kind of barrel that it has placed on me and above which it doesn’t allow me to “hop.” Because of my age and character, I swallowed off. But the phrase often persecuted me, especially in difficult times - "he is not able to do more" it sounded in my head. And I tried to do everything to be able! To prove to this abstract laughing aunt that I can. And everybody wanted to see her, to say - vooot, I have a firm, vooot, bought a car, vooot, the world saw, and what are you?



And she turns out to have been like a car crashed to death for nine years and she was fooled.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №128168
 16.05.2016
and breast feeding,
Come together and go to your ovulation forums!
You don’t need to be here with your dogs.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128167
 16.05.2016
XX: Remember you gave me a book about probability?
YYYY: Well
XX: I began to see the world differently after her. I walked under a whispering iron yesterday and was first afraid that it would hit. Then I thought, fifty for fifty that fall, fifty for fifty that fall into me, fifty for fifty that kill. In the end, I estimated that the probability of killing only 12,5% and somehow even easier became :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128166
 16.05.2016
townsman

Nine cockroaches proudly walk through the chicken, and an unfortunate and completely crazy chicken runs into the corner.

Nine cats "they are proud of". The cockroaches are Duncan Maclauda, only one will survive! Even two cockroaches organize such battles, and of the nine most would at all roll without movement, and some would still try to gladiate. Everything would be in the bloodshed.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №128165
 16.05.2016
Discussing the information of the song, in particular, the transmission of materials to the sound director.

XXX is! Throw into the sofas and drums please.
XXX: In Lithuania

Yyy: You broke my brain to the whales in my first phrase
Don’t do that on Monday morning.

XXX: I’ve even moved the strawberries on the drums. not thank

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128164
 16.05.2016
20336 Student Design
I want to stamp my pictures cheaper and sell more expensive, and they don’t want to run their expensive equipment for my copy order. But I hope to find those fools who will do me cheap and quality, and I will scratch the money with a scratch. No matter what is beneficial to anyone but me, I am a designer, not an economist.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128163
 16.05.2016
The ideological follower of Prishvin describes the weekends spent in the village:
At night, May bugs bombed the roof, imitating the town. The chickens who remained alive rejoiced and flooded like salmon on a roast.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128162
 16.05.2016
Sad but fact

I am breastfeeding for 5 months.
Yes is. I did not understand.
Where is my 7th breast size?? to

If you don’t have a 7th breast size, someone has two.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128161
 16.05.2016
...
"END AAAAAA... yk" - Celine Dion grabbed the throat and sucked )
A friend has a good habit of picking up the phone quickly ;)

Houston, we have a problem – your song, Celine Dion sings on someone’s phone!
“I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №128160
 16.05.2016
I came to work on Monday and found another wet bag of tea in the cup. Earlier in the day, I remembered that I had been fucking both weekends.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №128159
 16.05.2016
A small child:

I want a tampon for my birthday.

Mother :

Do you know what it is?

MR is:

“No, but on television they say that if you have a tampon, then you can go to the beach every day, ride a bike, run, and generally do whatever you like, and nobody will notice anything.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128158
 16.05.2016
I live in Rwanda. We went to a Chinese restaurant. It was fun to play some kind of hiding-like game of girls from the Asian outdoors and chopped something in an incomprehensible language. The girls were a man 6 from 2 to 8 years of age in appearance. Great company, thought my 2-year-old son and sought to play with them. I follow him, and that he will be unattended. The Asian children at the Chinese restaurant are probably Chinese, I thought I spit them "Nihao."



Most of the children did not react, the older girl looked at me thoughtfully and said they were Koreans from the United States and I can speak to them in English. I felt racist.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128157
 16.05.2016
xxx: Judging by their hr, Yandex is a type of mailer who thinks he’s a Google.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №128156
 16.05.2016
Do you want to go somewhere else to talk about fashion? Thus, the loins of you before the chopsticks began, then the swimsuits of others with swimsuits.
On women's sites, apparently, you are not sitting down now, but why fill the site of another direction with the same topics and stupid lessons for you and people who don't ask about anything?

Z is. For the especially odious, the sex of us and you is the same, but I am already sick of you.


[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128155
 16.05.2016
My brother and I had a age difference of three years (I am the oldest), in school years we went to the same camp in different units.

One day (he was 10-11 years old, me, 13-14, respectively) his commanders were forced to participate in the "Mr. Camp" competition among the younger units. He came to me to complain about it. Because I did not want to participate. Because "well, what is it, well, why is it, what another Mr. of the camp, it is the girls who decide what I want them to like!".

Brother under thirty, the last time long relationship was in college, after that somehow did not work out. Recently at a family dinner they remembered this situation... My brother and I laughed, and my parents now seriously blame me for not convincing him to participate, I am now their fault that the son is unhappy in his personal life. I hope he won't bet that I met his daughter in the tenth grade, too!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №128154
 16.05.2016
Observation is selective.

I had a crown on my front tooth, and I went to my dentist on the weekend. Tomorrow I registered directly as the first patient, today you have to work somehow, not attracting attention. And I work, I have to say, in open space for 20 people.

In general, in the afternoon if possible I am silent and try not to smile, in the evening in the corporate messenger letters from four colleagues with the question whether I am okay, or I am somehow not, a couple of people were carried out and asked the question in person... And only the last of them suddenly paid attention to that I had somehow changed the figure, and surprised to learn that I turned out to be pregnant and in a month I plan to go to the decree (no one, except the chief, did not report, thought - and so everything obviously).

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna