bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №139770
 19.03.2017
xxx: Veronica, you very touchingly get to portray the scene "baby, you’re the one I have".
yyy: "You’re cuddling me, you’re cuddling hard!", she screams. And he doesn’t regret her little strength.
Then he smokes.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №139769
 19.03.2017
Julia: Rama found, remains to find the roulette. Lovely chat, get it done! I can measure the kitchen. If there is a roulette in whom, bring, pluse, on the train
George: There are 3, there are 10, there is a laser, by ray
Andrei: they have a kitchen size less than 3 meters, maybe even diagonally :))
Do you offer a stencil?

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139768
 19.03.2017
Why do ugly, fat men want sex with beautiful, cared for, slim ladies? The rhetorical question)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №139767
 19.03.2017
I go in the bus, on the neighboring seats sits a woman aged 70+ years and from what it begins to count, turning to a young man sitting next to 20 years, that before was better, the youth was more educated, the seats were inferior, etc. and etc. And nobody reads the books, everyone sits behind the compass, concludes his speech with a question to the young man, who all this time did not pay any attention to her: "Well, when you last read the books, and in general at least held them in your hands?!The young man silently took out the Jack London tomic from the package and showed it to his grandmother. In her face was read directly disappointment and debris in the part of the continuation of devotions, the rest of the time she was silent.)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №139766
 19.03.2017
I look at the toilet duck (5 in 1) and I understand what the samurai wrote descriptively - the real hocku turned out:

It removes the plaque and disinfects the rust.
It easily penetrates a fresh smell.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №139765
 19.03.2017
The stories about the flies reminded me how a few years ago I was with a girlfriend in Italy. And this morning in the hotel we wake up from a phone call. We’re easily confused because we don’t know who can call us at the hotel at all. I raise the telephone and say, "C. In response to me, of course, also in Italian, they issue an entire tirade, where I have only disassembled the word "senior". The only thing I could say was "But sir, sir". Something was continued to say to me, which I proudly answered "Io, but parlo italiano" (I don't speak Italian) and put on the phone. I ask a friend: “I’m curious, why did I say ‘c’ if I don’t know Italian?” she laughed and said, “Nothing, the main thing you told me is that I’m not married.”

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №139764
 19.03.2017
A friend from his youth said: “You, girls, okay, you want to have sex, choose who you want, and sleep. And we are bad, girls don’t want to sleep with who got". I have never been able to explain that we girls, too, are not so easy.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №139763
 19.03.2017
Relationships - Gender

People, and you did not think that many problems, as usual, are in banal phenomena: lack of mutual respect and needfulness (in all respects).
As long as a part of the male sex will see in women only a means of sexual satisfaction (in many cases unrighteous and often not mutual), the female sex will treat the male as a means of satisfying financial needs.
And vice versa. And who will continue to grow. Maybe it’s time to evolve into civilized people not just by name?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №139762
 19.03.2017
I will no longer go on a trip with this luck.
Cho is so?
- In Pulkovo, on inspection, on a polite request, turn on the laptop, press the button with the scream "Allahu Akbar!!!"......? to
The next flight arrived at 5 a.m.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139761
 19.03.2017
A friend I had, immediately warned that counting on him is nothing, the relationship is purely friendly. She did not ask for anything, on the contrary, she helped, if anything. One day, he started to get dirty. To my outrage, I said, I warned that I should not count on anything, not in my taste, said "all of you, grandmothers, are so cuddly". We did not communicate anymore.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №139760
 19.03.2017
How terrible it is to be bisexual. They are so "friends" ALL KNOWING up to the neighbor-Alkash and the buffetess of aunt Dusi)))))))) Ocho, provoke and "promised" by their fact of belonging to the inflatable sex, and not fuck, definitely "friends"!)

In general, now the choir entered not even the friends, but the glucolov-Chackie, in the release of the comedy bitterly shouting with you I am proud of the breakup and the very hope caught me - when the break was by definition of Nothing, and left the comrade in the first action. Let’s go, sit on your cars and go on walking around the light.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №139759
 19.03.2017
Tyzh Sisadmin or how I was fired a couple of hours later on my first day at a small office.

It all started with preparation. I asked for my login and password from the router administration.

Reaction of the Director:

Who is the system administrator? Broke it!

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №139758
 19.03.2017
Recently he met with one CEO of a company engaged in the production and sale of heating equipment, he needed to help find a personal assistant.



I began to list the requirements, in my head I had a fast evening - for seventy thousand rubles he wanted a person to understand the commercial side of his company, was taught in law, finance, worked for him 24/7, decided including personal affairs (children there to find a kindergarten, family holiday to organize), and in addition the girl must have a model appearance.



"Well you understand," he said, "sometimes you will have to meet with status people, you need to make a person present.



- You probably need to know the heating equipment at the expert level, since this is your main product? I’ve already gotten into a straightforward sting.



- In general, yes - replied the uncle thoughtfully - it would be useful. Generally speaking, I need someone who is as competent as I am, and better, more competent in all matters. Why should I be a less competent person?

But do you realize that you have just estimated your own competence at 70 thousand rubles? I ask him.



Uncle didn’t find anything to answer.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139757
 19.03.2017
"In Moscow, those who failed under the ice will be forced to pay for rescue "

Is the price fixed or can it be agreed?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №139756
 19.03.2017
Women who are offended by the fact that men are only interested in sex, calm down - after fifty it will stop.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №139755
 19.03.2017
Ancient acquaintances lived in a panel house with good sound permeability. Son is small. His mother spent a short time in the grocery store. He returns and asks, “Did you not cry?” The son: “I cried first, and an invisible voice said to me, ‘No, no! It will come now!” And I calmed down.”

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №139754
 19.03.2017
Fira and Monia lie on the couch. Her phone in the kitchen. As you can see, the assembly came. He stands up, goes... He sees that message from Moni. He says, “If you get up, please bring a beer.”

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №139753
 19.03.2017
Paranoids are such, some constantly receive signals from aliens, others - from girls.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139752
 19.03.2017
North Wind: There is such a contingent in public transportation I recently boarded the bus here, like everything is quiet at first, then one aunt begins to crash on the other - that it is she who pushes her, on her foot, and in general. Passengers around start to laugh - it turns out that this aunt yesterday just the same way in the bus drove to schoolchildren, which also prevented her from living. This type of storage, apparently,
Kazbich: In response to such a scream, you need to stand on your feet from the heart, and then politely apologize. But do so so that after a week it crumbles.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139751
 19.03.2017
Probably, if our domestic chinchill knew how to write on the Internet, he would also now complain to the "friends". I let this fur ass walk around the room, ran, came to me on handles to play and itch at my ear as usual. I chew... and here this cattle is making a vicious attempt to cut off my elbow! And it is also unhappy now that the couch for such behavior has rolled out!)))) Well one in one whispering here "offended boys")))

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna