See also "The Matrix" He hurt for his own. Kill all the people! c) The Bender

My neuron networks burned my mistress.
My wife heard about the FindFace service and uploaded her photo there first (not found), then mine... and found it!
I come home, I have a scandal: from what x@I have an account on Facebook and why there is a wife - some left-handed aunt. I look at the picture and think I went out. And then I realize that it was not me who failed, it was another guy at all!
In general, a guy from Los Angeles who moved there seven years ago from Peter... If anything, you have a double in Bratsk. Nihren is not a programmer, but a dentist. If anything, we can go away!

From April 20 the new train Chelyabinsk-Moscow will start to run. I wrote about the need for such a train a few years ago. Apparently, thoughts loudly materialize with time.
Nothing is materialized. I thought about 500 euros for a long time...and where are they?and :)
Maybe you should have thought about 50 euros – the 500th banknotes are being withdrawn from circulation
- think about 50 euros inefficiently - thinking costs more)

After meeting my friends in the cafe, I go home with a taxi. I sit in the back seat. The driver turns to me and says:

There are chocolates and biscuits next to you.

I’m sitting down, and really – two tiles of good chocolate and a bag of some biscuits. In the soul already rises the joy of anticipating a snack of snacks, and the taxi driver continues:

Try not to eat them. This I bought myself.

: – – –

I was told a funny story from the Soviet school days.
The active persons:
A chemist whom the whole school hates.
A boy who, as an adult, became a famous chemist.
Friendly class of n number of people.

A friendly class decides to go to a chemistry lesson and go see the puddle and eat ice cream.
A young chemist before leaving synthesized from the reactants in the chemistry office a solution of bartholet salt which he carefully soaked the pages of the journal.
The chemist enters the classroom and sees that it is empty. He gets out of himself, and on emotions beats the magazine on the table, as a result of which the magazine suddenly exploded at the blow. A shaken teacher fell on a chair, under which another explosion occurred, so it turned out that the little Heisenberg made several tablets of the same bartholet salt, which he poured under the feet of the chair.

xxx: And yesterday my head hunter, who arranged me in the last office and helps me in the search, wrote with a brilliant proposal - and let's, he says, you'll make a report on vue.js on the mite?
xxx: Luckily, says vue.js is a very hot topic
XX: I say no, there should be reports.
Is it in meaning?
I – In the sense I go out and say the following: “Hello everyone, I’m going to read you a report on the super-modern Vue.js framework. My name is Serge and I am unemployed. Go to Vue.js!
XX: I think the report can be completed.

In every working team there is a specialist of a wide profile who equally reaches everyone and no matter what you are discussing, he always knows how to do it best.

We needed steel balls for one project, and in the amount of 4 kg and so it happened that in the room where we ordered them there was no delivery and to pick up the balls was needed at the other end of the city... And here is this specialist of a wide profile... Further dialogue (specialist -s, I-I)

C: You need to send a strong man behind the balls!

I: Why a man? The girl will do it too!

C is NO! There are 4 kg of balls.

I: And what? They are just 4 kg...it’s not hard!

They are steel!

I: And what about that? They are only 4 kg.

No, they are steel.

What if they are steel? 4 pounds!

It is steel! It is hard!

I am 4 kg! This is a little!

The conversation is clearly two fools... At some point I understand that the dispute will not end and I say

I: that is, if we took 4 kg of foam instead of steel balls, would the girl fit? ! to

C: Of course, it is a foam!

When I remembered a child’s problem about a kilogram of flour and a kilogram of iron, I realized that not everyone had a childhood.

I’ve been riding for a week 😉

In addition to the main work, at the same time, in the morning I open a common entrance door to the room, where there are several offices, as well as a couple of shopping areas and in the evening, respectively, I close. I usually come to work half an hour earlier so I don’t have to wait in the street.

I came yesterday morning, I sit down, I drink tea, time goes by, but there is no one – silence. He went out into the common corridor, bypassed everything, nobody at all. Strange, I think why suddenly everybody is late, and the time is already ten minutes, like work...

I turned back to myself, stuck in the monitor, I sit, read, suddenly call the cell phone, answer, and I hear a rather unexpected question:

“Did you not shrink, Fyodor Efimovich? After this question, I really got a little shrunk!

“What happened and why are you talking to me like this? "I asked an outraged girl, Marina, an employee of one of the departments. The girl with a sparkling intonation continued:

"Why are you still not at work, we are all standing here on the street, waiting for you! Where are you at all? »

I looked around, in any case, suddenly... and as soon as I was convinced that I was still at work, I calmly replied:

“I’m at work, but why are you standing there I don’t know, or do you need to open the door to get in? On that side was a five-second pause, then a screw of the door and a guilty voice from the tube:

“Oh sorry, Fyodor Efimovich...”

Later I learned that Marina came the first, after me, of course, and did not bother to knock the door, for some reason decided that I was not yet, and convinced all the newcomers of this, then I was really squeezed.

On the LORA affected onboard computers of cars

by Redf:
In 200 years it will be.
The Internet of Things, here. The steering wheel has its own, the gasoline tank has its own, even the gasoline tank. And all of them actively exchange data, and tweet that she was driving like a grandmother.

by alexferman:
And then your car, which you considered a friend, writes to your wife that you are driving to your mistress.

A man goes home from work, he sees - he meets a boy of fifteen years of motorcycle, the man says to him:

What is your motorcycle name?

The Rise!

Why are you driving and not driving?

- Yes, it doesn't start, maybe the candles are set, I'll come home to see.

You are talking about candles in vain, there is obviously another reason!

What is? The boy asked with interest.

This is my motorcycle! - said the man, taking the unsuccessful thief for the shelf.



I was present at the interrogation of this minor thief. According to our legislation, when questioning a minor must be present someone of the parents and a social or pedagogical worker. Our school was on duty that day, and here I was sent.

When the man was asked, “Why didn’t he immediately say it was his motorcycle, didn’t he know anything? »

He answered:

- How not to know, I immediately learned, in so many years I know every bullet in it. I was just lazy to catch that eagle, and then to catch it all over the yard. As he took the shirt, so he said.



And the thief all claimed that only riding took, he probably knew that for the theft more paid.

Yesterday we went for the chicken, and in our amazed eyes the boy-meatman of all the chickens gathered from the vitrines with the scream "Not that price!" and dismissal. I asked the butcher girl: Will the chickens be returned? and yes. What will be the price? and 41.89 At the price of 41.89. What do I think is the joke? And in the corner one chicken crashed, I stretched out my hands, got it, and on it 38,89. I say to my husband, we slowly retreat to the box. Looking at the guards, we stole, we broke the chicken, quickly passed the frame and walked into the distance. I open the doors of the houses, and far away clear police siren. and all. Follow us! Ears in general.

Alena: fucking why as I work at home, so definitely someone to repair
Misha: because when you work not at home, my young fellow, the house also repair, but you do not hear it, because you are not at home

RPC - not prohibited in Russia

The Voice – Flowers

It’s like “I hear the smell of flowers” – like norms, and “I hear flowers” – an occasion to visit my uncle’s psychiatrist.

In the rain, sunflower can be heard 50 meters away. On the twisted baskets so drum, with no camomile you will not confuse.

Passing by "Coins" periodically I see expensive cars parked. The first thought is probably those who go with their package.

Question in the community: If the moon moves on Earth with huge masses of water, why do the cucumbers in the garden, which are 90% of it, not rise to the heavens or at least have a volatile mass on weights?
The answers:
1: You answered your question yourself.
Because gravitational interaction is the weakest of all known. The moon moves enormous masses of water precisely because they are enormous – enough water is accumulated for noticeable interaction. The weight of the cucumbers is too small for you to notice a change in its location or weight (not mass!) on weights - these changes are, but they are so small that our (at least household) appliances are not able to register it.
2: Imagine people rising up to heaven, who, for a moment, are also made up of water from 60 to 80% (depending on age).
"Why do people not fly?" (c)
And how evil it would be to fly with the cucumbers!
People are too spiritless to fly. The caterpillars were not wrong.
5: Indeed, the cucumbers are sinless!

On the phone in the notebook is an artistically processed (aka photographed) photo of my wife.

I visited my aunt one day and one day I saw my phone ringing on my desk. Her wife called, and her glamorous photo emerged. It was immediately activated:

What is it for the $B?

Oh yeah, you are your daughter.

In the morning I take the child to the kindergarten by a taxi, the kindergarten next door and goes out there and back 100 rubles always. Usually everything is okay, but today's taxi driver surprised me))) took a small, I sit in the car, he says: "You weren't 7 minutes, in our taxi the waiting time is 2 rubles per minute, but in other taxis this waiting would cost you 70 rubles, so let's be honest, give me 70 rubles. " And obviously, it’s not the first time he says so. I say, “No,” he squeezes, says, “why?” I: "I specifically ride this taxi because it is cheap, once you work in it, do you like it? Why didn’t you take a taxi that was more expensive?” He: "I am in this taxi all suits, we have a supplement for ordering 120 rubles, you should not wait and take a new order! You’re sorry, but I came in a taxi to make money, not just drive people! Next time don't get in the car with me, cancel the order" And all this in elevated tones, nervous that I'm so disrespectful))

Here we come, I leave.

"Just don't put me a bad rating in the app, I didn't deserve it! “He cried after me.

Exhausted, returned values are all shit. When abortion is done somewhere in the interior of a third-party library because of something that it did not like there, this is, I will tell you, hell. Especially when it rarely works and only in some client, and you do not reproduce. You don’t have a dump, nothing. If I don’t kill for that, then I don’t know why.

I work as an admin in a large company. Recently dropped an application (apparently urgently needed) to install the software:
PP "The Factory of Ideas"/Giving Access

Dear brother of mine!
Take care of me.
Access to the Factory of Ideas
Give me sooner.
In order to read ideas,
Contact the reverse.
The boss said strictly:
There is one way:
Do everything as I said,
Or I’ll leave it to work!
Dear friend of mine, Iris,
Even if you are not God,
Find out what the salt is:
Give me your login and password.
To be able to enter there
The boss is not angry.

I want to encourage the user :)