I took a parent's porn cassette: I sit, rub my stroke. Suddenly the door suddenly opens, I lightning switch the channel, but I have no time to hide my cause. A cousin comes in. He looks at me, then at the television, where a religious program is being broadcast by a priest, then again at me. And I sit with a pipi in my hand, confused, embarrassed, and I give a leaf.



So many years have passed and he doesn’t stop trolling me. I recently received a message from him with a photo of a church servant and a signature, “Do you like this?”

Xxx: For the second year in a row wearing the tree, I remember this story with a smile on my face, and I ask my beloved wife about her girlfriend Elena. It quickly disappeared from our sight.

About two years ago, my wife at work met Elena, a cute, shy girl who is raising a son of the same age as our senior. On the topic of children they became friends, first talked at work, then Lena and son came to us several times. The kids played in the room, the ladies drank wine, and I the joining.

The last time they came before Christmas, I and the children dressed the tree in the nursery, Lenin's son immediately began to help us. The ladies, as usual, talked in the kitchen at the table, drinking wine. When the process of decorating the tree was completed, I was saddened to find that three forks did not fit into the same socket, and it was necessary to look for a triple. Having searched all the rooms, and, like any man, having found nothing, I decided to go a rough path and ask my wife where she once again hid the triangle.

As I entered the kitchen, I splashed into the chair and poured a glass of wine and asked my wife:

The three?

The woman thought for a moment, apparently remembering where she last used it.

The situation turned out to Elena, red and a little stunned, she said:

I don’t care, but who will take care of the kids?

It is a pity that you cannot get out of your body and look at your face.

Well, then our wife and the wild whistle, through which Elena tried to explain something, was even more red. Unfortunately, since then I have not seen any more Helena in our guests.



Yyy: If they weren’t rotting like fools, there would be a triplete.

Purchased a new apartment, of course His Majesty the repair did not make himself wait. I approached the house, full of wallpapers, paint and other nonsense. I put on a free place near the entrance to be easier to wear, a couple of times got up to the apartment, I go down, and there already a comrade of the Caucasus outside begins to tell me a heartbreaking story that this is his place, only he puts here and I must immediately leave and "find my place, brother." Recalling the movie of the same name, he told me that he is not my brother and the parking spaces are common. He tried to say something else, but I wasn’t interested. I caught the remains of building materials, carried it up until I laid it up in the apartment, I go down, and he with his car my support straight like on the video from the post, and stands on the side with interest observes) I didn’t even talk, a couple of photos on the phone I made, called the service, described the situation. After 3 minutes, the DPS (a small city) arrived exactly, comrades were issued according to the hour. 4 of article 12.19 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation for 2000 rubles, the car he took away, and now he does not say goodbye to me, he walks and murmurs.

P.s An acquaintance with GIBDD once said, “Everyone will have their place... in the cemetery. And in the courtyard they are common.”

Beginning of 2K. Call from the branch:

I need to report, but I don’t know how, explain.

I begin to explain.

Ten minutes later, he said half a word:

My day is over, I’ll call you again tomorrow.

The guts are short.

So I sat down with the phone.

My mother always had low hemoglobin, it was inherited to me. My hands and feet are often frozen.

I remember trying to warm my legs at night about my mom, and she didn't like it, apparently, and it was cold.

I got married. The husband is always hot. He doesn’t even notice when I warm my limbs around him at night. And my daughter seems to be in him. When she can’t sleep, she complains that she’s hot, turns, I put my hand or even my foot on her. And she says, “Oh, cold, how good,” and falls asleep. I also have a crap :)

When I was 17, I didn’t smoke yet, but I drank beer, which I tried to hide from my parents. But there was a rock concert here, he told the ancestors that we and the boys were going there just to listen to music, but the strazzzzz)))) We bought a box then, as I remember now, "Klinsky" and went to use it for the music of the fateful direction. And everything would be fine, but in a couple of days comes out a local newspaper, where on the first strip, under the headline "Pank in the city", a photo with us splashes greedy burning beers. The parents of course roasted, but in any case said that I would not drink much more)))



I even kept this newspaper for memory, it is still somewhere in the warehouse.

Laugh at yourself, otherwise others will laugh at you.

A miracle happened to Santa.

My friend Fedea worked for Santa Claus. many years. Fede was over forty and, frankly, it was his only stable job. All year he was engaged in different things: taxi driver, courier, repair brigade. But at the end of November, Fedy began receiving orders for Santa Claus. Fedu was appreciated and passed on by each other’s parents. Feyda was a wonderful Santa. What is strange is that he had no children. There were three divorces and there were no children. Fedea loved children, he used to have them, knew some codes and codes of children's souls. Once he came to visit me, my son and daughter were still young. Fedya smiled at them from the threshold: “Good, fuck!” They immediately loved him. I couldn’t talk to him that night, he was taken away. That is my children. He played with them as a tiger, then as a wizard, then as a dinosaur, I don’t remember further.

I think Fedya himself was a child. A big child. Yes, he knew a lot, even putting tiles, but remained a child. Therefore, family life did not work.

This story happened to Feddy five years ago. Thro December, he wandered around the city on his dirty “toyota”, sweating under a black synthetic sweat, without even having time to eat.

Fedi had only one holy day, December 31. Which he never took orders, no matter how asked, no matter what money promised. It was his second birthday. One day, as a young man, he got drunk, went by electric bride where. He was taken to a distant station, left on a night platform. Fedya would have been around there, but by a celestial coincidence, he was noticed by the freight engineer, slowed down, dragged into the cabin. The mechanic broke all instructions, but he saved Fede’s life. After that, Fedyah stopped drinking, and the driver sent gifts to the children. Lots of candy, but regularly.

Since that time on December 31st, Fedya has been at home. He drank tea, played computer games, ordered a huge pizza at home.

So, on the evening of December 30, five years ago, Fedya was on the last order. The children were named Galia and Tola. Feddy hadn’t been there before. On the way, he studied the “dossier” on his mobile phone. Faith five years, Tole seven. Tola does not believe in Santa Claus, plays robots and loves Elon Musk.

As agreed, Feyda called his mother from the entrance. She went down quickly, in a large man’s coat on her shoulders:

Good night! My name is Vera, here are the gifts. A robot, of course. And Gale – the dress of the princess – Vera stretched the boxes. Just a big request. Tola will be rude... don’t pay attention. Both my father and I are materialists. And Galecka – she’s not that. You are more with her.

Do not worry! Feather smiled. Run away and freeze.

Fifty minutes later, Fede knocked on the door. I heard a young boy’s voice:

has appeared! A woman with a synthetic beard. Garcia, it is for you!

The unpleasant boy opened the door and looked around at Santa:

It is strange. and sober. Last year was completely...

Luckily, in the hallway ran out a sister in a dressed pink dress with mice:

Give it up, grandfather Mogoz! The girl didn’t say “R.”

Hello to Galia! Feddy smiled at her. And unnoticedly gave a light pinch to the boy. Greetings from Elon Mask!

The boy quickly turned around, staring at Grandpa: did he give a pinch? But Fedea twisted the synthetic moustaches and walked importantly inside.

It was late, Fedya was very tired and hoped to do this session in 15 minutes. He gave the girl a box with a dress, and she jumped. I pulled out a box with a robot:

It is you, Nihilist!

How did you call me? The worm?

A nihilist and a smart man. The Latin word. I once lived in ancient Rome.

The boy came closer:

Good to lie! If you play, my dad will beat you.

Mother Vera immediately intervened:

Enough is enough! Now Galecka sings a song and we let Daddy go.

But Santa Fe suddenly stumbled:

No, where is your dad? I would have fought the tatami with him. I lived in ancient Japan and practiced judo for three hundred years.

Daddy at work! The boy answered. He will definitely beat you.

At that time, my mother’s phone ringed. She took the phone and said, “Sorry, I forgot... Well, I’m stupid! I am running now!” And he grabbed Grandfather Fedou for the red sleeve:

I pray you grandfather. For the ancient Japanese. Sit with them for 15 minutes. I need to go to a friend in the neighborhood entrance, give money. I’ve been busy and forgotten, you know.

Fede didn’t want to sweat for another fifteen minutes, but he was very kind. He agreed.

And remained with the romantic Galay, and the nihilist Tolay. Galia sang him a song. Then Tola suddenly smiled. He approached Fed and said:

Okay, sorry, but it would be better if you fixed the crane in the kitchen. It falls, I can’t sleep.

The crane? I was surprised by Fedora. Daddy for what?

He is busy, he is a businessman.

When Vera's mother arrived, Fedy, right in her beard and grey coat, turned the crane. The boy Tola stood next to him, handed out his tools and told his grandfather:

You should take off your beard.

I can not. I am Santa Claus, have you forgotten?

well well well well. You are cold.

Mother Vera begged Fedu to give up everything, tomorrow they will call the sleeper, and generally the children to sleep... But Fedy was squeezing something in his beard, and the children jumped around and shouted, “We don’t want to sleep! It was a cold cold, wow!

Finally, Fedya finished with the crane. Wash the sweat with a grey hat. And then the little girl Galia said, “And my bed was all shattered...” And the brother added, “Everything here was shattered.”

But Fedya replied:

The kids, sweet ones! If I came to you this morning...

What are you! Faith cried out. They are joking.

To the elevator Santa was called to accompany the girl Galli, dressed as a romantic princess. When Fedya was already standing in the elevator, she suddenly said:

We have no daddy. My mother hanged her clothes in the closet. Mom lies that Dad is a businessman, on a long trip, Mom thinks we believe it. He believes like a fool. But Daddy is not. I never saw him. Goodbye to Santa!

The next morning, December 31, in the apartment of Vera, Toli and Galli a call came out. At the threshold stood Fedy, in her usual jacket.

Are you a courier? I asked Faith.

Then came Tola:

Mom, are you really? This is Santa Claus, don’t you know?

– Oh, he smiled at Fedya. I am here today, without ceremonies. The day is free. So what did you break up there?

Fedya, Vera, Galia and Tola have lived together for five years. There is an older sister, Anja, who is three years old. And Vera and Tola, when asked in school who is their dad, answered calmly: "Father Christmas. Do you not believe?”

by Alexei Belakov

and Saturnalia. On this day in Rome, slaves were dressed in lord's clothes and sat with them at the table. And the masters watched the relaxed slaves, who and how they behaved, and made conclusions.
In the modern world, corporations have been invented for these purposes.

When I was a child, I lived in a communal. Aunt Lily’s neighbor had a 15-year-old son Serge. A normal family. Dad did not, but Lily tried as much as she could, the son had everything and even a little more. At one point, the child stopped eating at home. My mother is trying so hard. If he eats, he is hungry all day. Somewhere it lasted half a year. And here is a report of local news about dining rooms for bombs. And there Sergey and friends woven a roasted soup for both cheeks. And I had to take an interview with him: Daddy is not, Mom is drinking. I have to walk here to eat. He caught it at home! Especially when my mom drinks. She even called a few friends and friends, asked what to help and told about the harm of alcohol and that she has a son, you need to tie a whistle.