bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №151832
 22.02.2019
I go to the pharmacy, in my hands sand cookie wrapped in paper. While looking at the window, the biscuit cuddle broke off and fell to the floor. Well, as a cultural person, I lean to lift up, so as not to shut up the pharmacy, but here the babysitter is like a garnet: "Don't eat!"

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №151831
 22.02.2019
Once, with friends visited the Samara church, examining the icons, in silence, heard the following dialogue between a woman and her child 8 years old:



Why was Jesus hanged on the cross?

for your sins!



I did not hear a word from the pale child anymore.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №151830
 22.02.2019
In the morning, a young man calls:

Do you repair your phones?

What do you have with him?

- Yes, yesterday I arrived normally so well and put a graphic key for something, now I can't remember, I've tried all the options, can you help?

I will try to help bring.

I explain where to find me, we agree that in an hour and a half he will come, about an hour goes by, the same guy calls:

- I won't come, I drank a beer bottle here and immediately remembered the password

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №151829
 22.02.2019
We will not rise to the level of our capabilities until we descend to the level of our excuses.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №151828
 22.02.2019
It was long ago. I repaired one computer, which after half an hour of work hanged and did not respond to anything. Diagnosis showed that the hard disk overheated and ceased to react to external stimuli. Well, I change the disk, it remains to rewrite the information from the old one. There were some clever specialized programs on it, for reinstallation of which it was necessary to contact the developer, no contacts, and so on. So I decided to just remove the image of the entire disk. Do you remember half an hour? I need to write one and a half...
The problem was solved in this way - the old disk on the wires was pulled out of the body of the system unit, and a fan was attached to it on two washing rubber and two money rubber, which was also removed from the body. On top was a table lamp (off), with which a polyethylene bag with ice was hanging on the rope, which was able to stack in the freezer. And the process went! The ice gradually melted, it had to be replaced a few times with a new one, along with a bag. Condensate on the bag did not have time to form. The bag was quite intense.
Such designs allowed the disk to work out the required time without failure.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №151827
 22.02.2019
It is funny that in Russia, the Internet in Chinese interpretation is offered by those who in China would have been shot 20 years ago for corruption, and close relatives were billed for ammunition.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №151826
 22.02.2019
Yesterday I went to a food store with a girl. Publicly, with her, I bought myself a pair of socks, a deodorant, blades and a shave foam.

Chess and Mat favorite

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №151825
 22.02.2019
In primary school, I had a guy in my class who always offended everyone: the girl pulled her hair, the boys put her legs, etc. I was lucky to sit with him on the same side. In general, many of my things were broken, my hair wiped out, and my bleaches left. I was afraid to complain directly to his mother, because I was quite small. My parents tried to talk to her at first, but she didn’t care. The father, who at the time was working in the police, decided to teach this little bitch boy. One morning he came in a police uniform, took his handcuffs, approached a classmate and said he came to take him to jail because he behaved so disgustingly. After these words, it was already apparent that the classmate would be good to change the pants. But after the dad laid his hand on his shoulder and said, say let's get your hands here, we will wear handcuffs, the classmate cried and promised that he would never behave like this again. My dad didn’t want to go to jail :)

I have to say that since then, in fact, the classmate has stopped offending me and other guys, he did not become an exemplary student, of course, but at least sitting with him was normal. We even became friends later.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №151824
 22.02.2019
xxx: Recently engaged in funerals in Peter, it all came out somewhere 230 t.r. (purchase of place, services, morge, coffee shop, etc.)

Yyy: Was it not cheaper to fly with the deceased to the Maldives to find a crematorium there to disperse his dust over the ocean and rest for a couple of weeks to repair the nerves?

Zzzz: You are a genius!! to

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