bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125841
 23.03.2016
Oh, that was life!
measure the width.
And now the screams...

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125840
 23.03.2016
Dad (under 60 years old) is a typical Soviet engineer. Of those who really love everything that is broken, to repair with the help of a solder, a mouth of blue isolants and such a mother.

In general, the parents of the house broke the radio receiver (which is wired broadcasting), and the mother is bored without it to mess in the kitchen. Dad began to shoot to repair, and accidentally turned out the outlet in which the receiver stuck - it was dirty. Returning the socket to its place, he accidentally stepped down on the board, so as not to fall, he grabbed the door of the dishwasher. It did not fall, but the door had to be repaired. In the process of repairing the door broke the screwdriver (this is a real mystery). In the receiver, as it turned out, the wire was ripped off, paired it to the place, the father dropped a joint on the table sheet (putting the newspaper - for the bugs)...

In general, - my mother breathed hard, telling this story, - saving 300 rubles is still very expensive!

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125839
 23.03.2016
Dealing with the story "Share your infection", you would better address your doctor's splash. Do you know how it happens that a child has only 37.5? What kind of doctor at home? I will go to the clinic!"

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №125838
 23.03.2016
Oh well!

... in China, where inflation is also not low...

how much I remember 6 popular rubles for a dollar ± 10%, the rupee for this time 5 times devalued

And let me ask how you propose to create savings if more than half of the population of the Russian Federation lives below the poverty line. No one has cancelled Harvey. You can copy if instead of Seychelles to rest in Nice. If you choose between pasta for 12 rubles. And for 14 - in securities can only be invested a sexual fox. No more though.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №125837
 23.03.2016
I ate butter in Domodedovo. I told my wife that the Gypsies were robbed.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125836
 23.03.2016
Moderators, I call on you!I am tired of reading the scratches of pseudo-smart dolboebs, which the Russians wrote in white, that this is a humorous site, and not a forum!Take the job, don’t miss them "smart "heads!!! to

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125835
 23.03.2016
The telephone conversation

A strong voice: Hello!
The child’s voice: Hi.
Solid voice: I would like to hear Dmitry Sergeevich, the company’s director "####". Can you call him on the phone?
The child’s voice: And he cracks.
Okay, I’ll call you later. (They are bad)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №125834
 23.03.2016
In the crash of the cars of the FSB and the FSO rules violated themselves.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №125833
 23.03.2016
Returns from cleaning.
There was a bunch of tobacco ashes inside.
The guy working out there: "Smoking is harmful to your laptop"
It has fallen)

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125832
 23.03.2016
The employment psychiatrist was very interesting. She began to ask standard questions, such as how the searches go, what your strengths/weaknesses are, what you want, etc. Word for word, we talked for half an hour. At the end of the conversation grit: find a job, think of me too.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №125831
 23.03.2016
It is fun to see how the concept of "premium" was transformed. From a fairly rare plush to a compulsory bucket. Something like teasers, which were at discretion before, and now is almost not a must and at least 15%.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №125830
 23.03.2016
xxx: here is wifi =)
YYY: What a horror. The entire conference! and ;)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №125829
 23.03.2016
“Your Majesty,” the First Minister addressed King George the Thirty, “it is necessary to make a royal decision. To execute or forgive?
Remind me what the problem is, the king replied.
This is about the overseas scientist. The one who stopped the plague. Some say burn a witch. Others say he is a saint. What shall we do?
“There you have to think,” the king shrugged his eyebrows, “It would not be good to let the wizard go. But executing a saint is also bad. Most importantly what?
What is? Do not make mistakes?
No, it is possible at once. The important thing is that the mistake is not irreversible.
The king swallowed his lips.
In general yes. If we justify him as a saint, we will no longer be able to execute him as a wizard. And if we execute as a magician, then we can easily justify (posthumously) as a saint. Tom is so.
G-ni-al-no, Your Majesty! the Minister cried with a breath.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №125828
 23.03.2016
Isn’t it time to buy a washing machine?
YYY : Why? I already have a wonderful dishwasher.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №125827
 23.03.2016
Moreover, the child allowance helps parents, and is not obliged to fully pay off instead of them.

Tell me, please, what can be the help from 50 scratches per month?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №125826
 23.03.2016
The question:
These Chinese are strange. The lamp did not work, it turned, a sprinkle fell out of it, for half an hour I thought where to put it, there was no place under it. I pulled it out, assembled the lamp and miraculously the lamp works. The question is why spring?

The answer:
So that it did not accidentally turn on during delivery and the battery did not fall.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №125825
 23.03.2016
I read the news in the innet "Stalin's granddaughter has become the stunning star of the Internet", and in my head I hear a voice: "To shoot..."

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №125824
 23.03.2016
I am lying with my child infected. My husband does not know how to cook and brings me ready food from the supermarket.
As it turned out - there are salads from the market straight into the infection, this is very thoughtful!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №125823
 23.03.2016
to this:
AAA: It is only in us the sausage is made by TU, and toilet paper by GOST.
............
Well, however, from guest raw materials, sauce is more convenient to make.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №125822
 23.03.2016
Terrorists are organizing explosions in Turkey, and it’s all fun. And once the same thing happens in Belgium, everyone begins to go crazy.

Yyy: When I wake up in the morning and find shit in the toilet, I’m not surprised. But if I find shit on the kitchen table, I start to worry.

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