bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №104723
 28.10.2014
Galatea23: White received a fresh order from China in full accordance with their requests - all kinds of roundings, logos, instructions and packaging
Galatea23: He called me a knowledgeable of enemy languages—he thought he would have to explain again and again to ask me to translate for them in English, and they first understood. Here is one of two – either we and the Chinese know English well, or, most likely, I speak English like a Chinese.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104722
 28.10.2014
The laundry was broken.
In a family with six children, this is not a problem - it is a disaster!
On the advice of a smart person, I decided to clean the filter. It was like shooting the front panel. Long slapped with the screwdriver, removed. There is no filter. I did not find him anywhere. took advantage of the opportunity, grabbed the garbage because of the machine, washed the floor there. Sadly pulled back. Luckily, I pressed the button and it earned: Yahoo!Two washes have already been removed.
She needed attention, she said. She too

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104721
 28.10.2014
Where are you, "Iskander"?
What are you "Topol"?
The "Sberbank" dollar
from 43 rubles

tweeted

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №104720
 28.10.2014
When I was 12 or 13 years old, when I got out of the entrance, I always said to the grandmothers sitting on the bench, "Hello girls," and those who could hear me laughed. And that’s why I’ve never been a drug addict, a hooligan, or a criminal in my yard.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №104719
 28.10.2014
Medical consultation online
The question:
How to wash sperm from hands?
I wonder how easy it is to wash the sperm off the hands. How many times worthy? My hands, of course, with soap, are interested in complete sterility.
The answer:
and greetings. The sperm from the soap will die immediately, it will only be left to remove their bodies.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104718
 28.10.2014
Michael: his son told a fairy tale about Barmalay, now he is going to Africa
Michael: Learn to talk to him
Saving the animals?
Mike: tell him - there Aunt Ebola will deal with him ;)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №104717
 28.10.2014
xxx: I was looking for a shirt on the internet, now contextual advertising persistently offers me "oral sex training" and "minet courses"
HHH: I don’t understand what – but just for the money the shirt no longer...? O_O

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104716
 28.10.2014
Oh, and where was the golden time when I was praised for sleeping and eating well?
You slept him, you slept him.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104715
 28.10.2014
Previously, I also asked my husband such stupid questions, until one day he gave out: "If I enjoy eating and asking for supplements, it is delicious! It would not be delicious, I would have put a plate on your head for a long time!" Since then, I have not asked such questions, but just admired how he wraps my culinary masterpieces with appetite)))
It is...
This is how we now look elementary thanks for a delicious meal. And then they wonder why it is politeness on the billboards these days.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №104714
 28.10.2014
Pf-f, "to ride in a wheelchair"! I recently bought a painting plan here. Well, such a board with "plug" for papers, not even a folder, so that the sheets lie more conveniently. So the poor pre-school tribe does a regular O.O. even after explaining that THIS is a tablet, and what he thought was just a shortcut from the tablet computer.
But for the first time I was not confused when he asked "Can I PLAY" on such a game?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104713
 28.10.2014
About children and stories.

Once I come to a girlfriend with my five-year-old child, and she has two children, 5 and 7 years old. I propose to go with them to the theater for the children’s opera "Terremok".
I think opera, isn’t it too difficult for such little children?
She drives me:
Isn’t it too late for such adult children to go to somewhere there?
Her son asks curiously:
What is a prison?
This determined the fate of the cult. Everyone went to education.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №104712
 28.10.2014
The ability to listen is a big plus, and the ability to pretend to listen and put the right word at the right time is virtuosity.

Wauw Very reminds some of our scientific advice.

zzz And also lectures in the universe when you sleep on the first pair on the gallery :)

No, I fell asleep at the last couple, and the lecturer was always late. Well, as late... for half an hour, let’s say. Or did not come at all. I had to wait, because it was shy. Well, what, in combination, also the rector of another institute :-) Yes, and the subject was interesting, compared to the rest.
In general, they waited, and sometimes even waited, but the forces were no longer left. I fell asleep a few times. Sitting in front of the lecturer. On the other side of the table.
But this is not the most gesture. Glory is something else. For example, when in the course of a report at the scientific council you suddenly hear a loud cries. A uncle in the front rows, a member of the council, a dean at another institute, and your former predecessor in the universe (it's all about him). A good uncle, humorous and smart, a former KVNist, one of the first.
But it’s not a gesture either. The gesture begins when after the report he stops snoring, stands up and asks a question. A normal question, well on the subject, yes.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №104711
 28.10.2014
You encountered on the Internet a picture, telling about what, say, but poorly call your parents now and just say that you love them? "Not bad"- I thought and called to my mom first.
The result - got hysterical from the mother type "What happened?!", and then from the father type "What fucking mother are you scared of?"
I love my parents, but I prefer to be silent.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104710
 28.10.2014
Discussion in OK under the photo of the bedroom:
andquot;
Yes, it is better to put the shelves and fold them during the day than the furniture-killer with which children break their heads. Are you thinking about beauty or what? When you look at this bed, you understand. Why do you want to mock your own child’s experiments? sorry child, and you would say with this bed!!!and "
andquot;
And you that all night sitting near the baby bed, it is clear that you also sleep in your bed and the child wanted to go to the toilet and began to descend broke and flew and what do you follow? Then late swing on your fist to hang, take care of your children and foresee different situations. Our "AVOS" is everywhere in Russia! The carelessness leads to sad consequences due to the fault of the parents!"
............
What an expression, what an expression!A furniture killer is hunting for the children of ruthless parents!Everyone has to buy clothes! ? ? ?

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №104709
 28.10.2014
From Picaboo:
My wife recently began to use the fashion word gadgets.
But how unusual... by the slanges.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104708
 28.10.2014
( the answers )

Q: How much can I sell these photos?
(hereinafter attached home photo of thin girl without cowards with open legs)

I’ll pay a hundred rubles so I don’t see it.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104707
 28.10.2014
Inscription on the door of the Dean:
" Is it difficult to learn? Easy in battle.and"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №104706
 28.10.2014
Among those who noticed this topic? The Dolban Head Hunter started throwing SMS, crazy, in response to feedback on vacancies. I HUEU, dear editor, now the seeker himself for his own account should call the sheep from the staff, which for this as if money gets. And the chewed carrots do not spit them in the mouth immediately?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №104705
 28.10.2014
As my mother said. Well, Annie had so many friends, and then they started marrying and not her.))))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104704
 28.10.2014
In our bathroom, some local sanitary rituals are carried out forever:
Last time, the entire wall and floor around the dryer were poured with something white, smelling like coffee. Such a feeling that someone brought coffee under the dryer and its air flow scattered all over the okurga.
This time we have the floor covered with three semi-disassembled rolls of toilet paper, and on top evenly, all over the toilet and cabins, filled with little stuff... someone sowed, probably...

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