The Track:
A computer completely dependent on electricity does not cause such a question to you, and from the Internet - yes?

by Bolk:
I have an electric battery in my notebook, and I didn’t find the internet battery, as I didn’t spin it.

How is it to walk under bullets?
I once had a funny incident during a fight. A bite came into my face. And the shooting was so dense that I thought everyone, the cranes, had killed me. If the bullet hit his face, it is strange that he did not immediately die. And so beautifully fell, I lie down, waiting for the pain to blow up. The blood flowed somewhat strangely. It is like a large insect crawling. I lie down and think: "I have long imagined how it is to die, you have to feel the moment". There is no pain. The consciousness is clear. I felt the rose, there was no hole. I get up, and this frog falls from me.
Well, nobody understood what happened – less than 30 seconds I waited for death to come. Then they asked me why I was there. I don’t remember what I said, but I kept silent.
It is under the bullets. Especially when the insects hit you at full speed.)

A text message comes from the Balance number of the following content: Your phone balance is filled. The payment is 300 rubles.
I check the balance sheet, well and naturally, who would and what hell I put 300 rubles on the unlimited)
I wrote a response SMS, waited until they wrote: Sorry, I accidentally confused the numbers and put on the wrong account, bla bla bla, please send me this money back.
I sent in response a text message of the following content: Waited when you write.I return your money.And the second text message:The balance of your phone is filled. The payment is 300 rubles.
In response came: * letting, what all the smart steel..

Under the windows, the neighboring unit prepares the young people for the oath, loudly rehearsing the text. Someone from the elderly asks the question: "What is the constitutional system in Russia? What do you swear by?" The condemned voice is out of order: "We swear by the ass of the year, this is what!";

"People on the roads drive as if they have never watched a video from the registers on youtube". and c)

xxx: I can’t understand how bad it is or how good it is?
Yyy : vint : do you invest or pile?

to this:
-
xxx: came to visit on my birthday - rearranged the grid...
It is...

This is FIGN. Suddenly, after work, a girlfriend invited me to my birthday. There were two other friends there. So, while they were trembling in the kitchen about their female, I cleaned up their potatoes and roasted three bowl fry potatoes, because none of them knew how to cook it. With a lot of respect and compliments.)

It was the funniest birthday I’ve ever visited.

I stand in a row to the box office in a shop of the type of "Five" and observe the following picture: the cashier pierces the barcodes of goods and swirls them into the basket. The buyer looks at it quite phlegmatically, while the cashier puts a bowl of canned eggs on it.
Buyer: Girl, are you crazy about putting canned eggs on?
Eggs in the package, what will they be!
Buyer: Eggs and this is enough, you last time I got 2 pieces, I don’t need it the second time!
I didn’t throw that bank, I put it!
Buyer: Listen, girl, you do not have a husband to explain to you that eggs are treated carefully?? to

Toh, write some crazy movies you can watch on the plane.
yyy: Survive, Aircraft crash, 9/11, Tu-134 Devil's plane, Lost control, Amsterdam aircraft crash, Destination, Crew, Lost flight

Here is this:

I ordered a waterproof photocopy. Call from the shop.
Operator: Order such a la la-la... want an additional insurance?
I : Why?
Q: Will the camera fall?
I: It can withstand falling on asphalt from 2 meters
Anyone will come!
I: You can go up to 100 kg.
Do you go to the sea when it falls into the water?
I: It is waterproof, diving more than 10 meters.
Will it suddenly drown in corals?

The guy!! What apparatus is this??? What model is this?

From Necrologist
Outstanding Soviet and Ukrainian philosopher. A classic of scientific atheism. Candidate of theology. Doctor of Philosophy..."

Everything in this world is relative. For the vast majority of Russians, the castle is Moscow ;)

to tom:
The charging indicator at the end of charging changes the color from red to green – very convenient. A wish to the inventor from the Daltonists - May you have a cock on your forehead!

Also not taken into account the rights of the blind completely, handless or with limited mobility, forgot about persons suffering from speech disorders, disorders of consciousness, orientation in space, did not take care of those who do not have mobile phones, about those whose charging connector does not coincide with the proposed inventor. The conclusion is to prohibit charging, to tolerate the dalton - a medal, the inventor - to jail.

The year 2050. Every buyer of yeast is obliged to pay the duty to the producers of baking products and alcohol, as well as to pay for each copy of the product used.

Put on SMS the sound of detection of enemy tanks from WOT. SMS in the subway. Three guys suddenly turned their heads toward me, one hid behind my grandmother, and another girl in front of me surprised and said, "Oh!"

to this:
-------------------
XXX: There are two girls.
The PD is zero.
What is?
Coefficient of productivity is zero.
I: A girl, not productive, but useful.
productive
I: is useful
Who are you studying with?
I am an engineer.
I am a philologist, I should know.
XXX: O_O
-------------------
Because of the phrase "zero" the girl is waiting for Rosenthal with villas in the philological hell.

Workers are awake
What mobile phone number is indicated in the contract?
by Iphone
... the number
The Fourth
- = = ="

My employees are burning.
2: Yes – is it?
1: They reduced the scale of the file in Excel to 60% and put 24 fonts later to be better visible
2nd day 😉 😉

In general, there is something like video surveillance at home. I went in and saw that the motion detector worked. I decided to watch, I started the video and I saw the door opened and I entered it.
It turned out that yesterday's recording was accidentally opened

News on the HUB:
"In/in Ukraine now seriously took over payment systems..."

Commentary :
by oshibka40
"It is correct to write “B/In Ukraine” rather than “On/On”."