How to explain pregnancy to a child of the 21st century, when bees, flowers, seeds, barley went out of fashion?

The explanation is modern...

The son asks his father:

Dad, how am I born?

“Well, my son, we once knew we were going to talk about it, so I’ll explain what you need to know:

One day, Mom and Dad connected to Facebook and became friends. Dad sent a tweet inviting Mom to go to a cybercafé. We found that we had a lot of common links and likes, and we understood each other very well.

When we weren’t on the laptop, we talked about the Whats App and Skype.

And we gave more likes until one day we decided to share our files.

Dad inserted his flash drive into his mom’s USB port. When the files were uploaded, we realized we had forgotten the security software and we didn’t have a firewall or image filter.

It was too late to cancel the download, and it was impossible to delete the files by generating the message “INSTALLATION SUCCESSED.”

At the same time, your mother’s monthly notifications stopped coming, and nine months later you appeared as a new user contact, asking for a login and password. Everything is short and clear.

Why my body tells me every month that I’m not pregnant. How can I disable these notifications?

YYY: I will disable notifications. Guarantee - 9 months

I live in Germany, I have a colleague Boris, a healthy man. An excellent professional, a cyclist from God, can travel 100-150 km in a day. He has one but. There are statuses like “I’m in Paris”, “I’m in Stockholm”, “I’m driving my new Mercedes”. In fact, the status of a girl of twenty years, not a normal man, approaching forty years already. Once we talked on a patch after many drunk beer bottles and he explained.



He was married to one lady who, after five years of marriage, abandoned him, preferring him to a young major, blaming him for saying he is a foolish, lazy and has no future.



Boru was hit by this, he almost stopped drinking beer per liter, started working in the gym, rotating pedals, dropped 30 pounds, learned English and German, found a good job and went to work in Germany. And now he posts new statuses and enjoys watching these statuses constantly watched by his ex and several of her girlfriends.



“It’s all for you, dear.”

Once a friend, who at the time was already 26, called in panic - the husband came from the walk in the dumbel drunk, and he has a meeting in the morning, and what to do?

I say - well, lead to a white friend, drink a weak solution of manganese and suck two fingers, you need to clean up, what I will say, ugly, but you need, if you do not, you need to stimulate it to come out.

She then calls back, cries, says, I can't, it's so terrible, so unnatural, I drank him with a solution, but I can't squeeze two fingers.

I am terrible, what did you want?

She - but I still have long nails, suddenly I will hurt him.

The Departure.

Then he calls again. Cries are strengthened.

Hysterically, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

I’m already psychotic and crazy—what am I? Should you come and put your fingers in your mouth?

She is silent. And then complaining so asks – in... mouth? ! to

I am a bad friend, terrible. The hysteria happened to me.

Cigarettes are very expensive in Australia. A pack of 30 cigarettes costs from $34 and above. Smokers are outraged, but the government has said: Go on, people are ugly, smokers are shameless. They smoke, and then run to doctors with their syphilis and emphysema, treat them at the expense of the state. So take care of your tobacco pain in advance. And we’re going to raise, don’t even doubt. And the tobacco magnates pretend they are not at all.



For understanding: for $ 34 you can buy foods of all tastes, meat, butter, cheese, milk, vegetables-fruit, yogurt-kefir and more on the cake money will remain. Buying another pack of cigarettes and remembering Zoy, I feel like a family budget destroyer and a universal evil. But I smoke.



Smoking cigarettes is not acceptable, but of course it happens. A man approaches you, first stretches a dollar and asks you to sell a cigarette. Sometimes, a person approaches and polently asks, but without a dollar. I have no principle of never giving a cigarette or giving only for money: I act according to the mood. Most often the mood is not to give: I smoke less to save and smoke less. To refuse to give-sell a cigarette, the reaction is always calm: no, no. But once I had a completely different story.



I go and smoke. I will meet two gentlemen, a Negroid race. I ask for a cigarette, or two. They seem very young, and I thought they were minors. Of course, I refuse and go on. I scream in the street, I hear the scream, I know what they call me. I turned around and one of the above-mentioned gentlemen ran to me.



Sorry if I scared you, but please give me a cigarette. The gentleman says.

No sir, I will not. I think you are a minor! I answer him.

No, I am an adult! I am a student from the USA. I can show you my identity card.

Are you adult? Then find a job and make money on cigarettes, sir! I say, I turn and leave.

And then I hear a naturally hysterical scream: “You’re racist, mom! It is racist! It is racist!”



I wanted to go back and give him a cigarette. Such a widespread racist gesture: let smoke, and more. But greed defeated racism and I didn’t smoke. Probably I am a racist. Those are things.

Yes, life is a game, but the account is already wasted!

The district pediatrician.
A medical error.

Prior to the medical institute, I worked as a repair carpenter in a hot shop. The state entrusted me to repair conveyors, freight lifts, tower cranes and other equipment, and properly paid from 180 to 220 rubles a month for hands. Plus, there were trips to the prevention center, a month of free living in a double room, eating from the pulp and going to physiotherapy. And sometimes 30% of the travel "to the south" in the trade union gives.
Then for six years the state taught me mind and medicine, gave me an increased scholarship and a bed in a five-bedroom for 2.5 rubles a month.
And then I was sent to the site in the children's clinic, entrusted the life of 1200 (that is exactly one and a half times the average rate) of children and began to pay 120 rubles, on the hands of 106. I have forgotten about any hideous journeys until the end of my work in medicine... and in general for the rest of my life)
Nothing to do, the family needs to be fed, I take calls from two locations, in the evening emergency, plus duty in the hospital, as a rule, on weekends and holidays, there was double payment)
The approximate schedule is this: on Monday morning for reception, then two areas of calls (in the summer it is 7-10, in the winter to 23-32 addresses a day, but I still have a section in the center of the city, but half of the houses - the private sector; it was already in the 90s there everything was demolished and the towers rebuilt), at 18 hours in the hospital, for night service, in the morning on Tuesday at 9 immediately after duty - again directly to the clinic, reception, two areas of calls, from 19 to 23 hours - emergency. Home at midnight.
I slept, Wednesday morning reception-call-night service-already Thursday reception-call-night at home.
Friday: reception-call-night service in the hospital, sometimes for two days, until Sunday evening.
How the senior nurse closed the tables to me - I don't know, I only complained that I had 26 hours of work a day, but I got 180-220 rubles. No categories or services I had at the time.

But the practice invaded a lot, for a year, the valley became: "Well, what's there with you, mommy, what happened? We will deal with it now!”)

Summer on Saturday night. The heat, the city as extinct - all on the villages and beaches. I am in an emergency, work a little, I sit, I bring the papers in order.
The challenge, very close, in the neighboring house, only the road to cross. In fact, they could come by themselves, a girl of 12 years, the temperature is low.
The supervisor complains: the parents for the fourth day in a row as everyone got, cause a fever, and the local or emergency will arrive - the temperature is normal, no cough, no sneezing, nothing, a person five different doctors looked at her in the end, healthy, nothing.
I am so good at the challenge. As specifically, the 9th floor and the elevator do not work.
(Then this happened rarely, because of the breakdowns; but by the end of the 80s it was already in practice - the robbers make a call to the apartment on the upper floors, turn off the lights in the entrance and the elevators, and wait for the doctor, and often the doctor.)
I’m always in my hands!)), the mother blamedly looks in the eyes: "Doctor, there was, there was a fever, and now tempered - normal, but was, was..."
I am already boiling; the maiden is clearly healthy, the color of the face and skin is normal, no cough, no redness in the throat, no whistles in the lungs, the stomach is calm...
On a full reflection, after listening to quite clean lungs, I begin to percussion my back, kick my finger, while simultaneously educating and reading notes to my mom, raising my voice.
And here - the op-on, the sound of the percussion "not ours."
I knock again. On the left, on the right; on the upper, on the lower; and here again, and here again; again on the left, and again on the right.
The picture in my head folds, I write my mom a direction to the hospital with suspicion of lower left-hand pneumonia.
I apologize, I say not to offend my tone, and go to X-rays quickly.

In a couple of weeks I walk through the corridor of the clinic, behind someone’s voice: “Doctor, doctor, wait, doctor!”
I feel like a mom is pursuing me.
“Doctor, doctor, you don’t remember me, I’m not from your department, you gave us an emergency left-hand pneumonia. So, Doctor, you are wrong!
We did not have left-hand pneumonia, but bilateral! “Thank you Doctor!”

Reaction of foreigners to candy "bird milk":
Do you have birds?
We are all in Russia!