bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130325
 05.07.2016
No man:

I’m not a king, I’m a fucking god of friends!! to
We’re not going to meet, because I’m not going to get rid of your member. When to live?"

She is the goddess of shedding.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130324
 05.07.2016
xxx: and where does the proga store the reports? In the installation folder?
YYY: Yes, under myself

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130323
 05.07.2016
Mr. proud > I am sitting in the Chertanovsky court, waiting for the hearing. I hear the conversation:

Why did you divorce so beautifully?
I am always beautiful...
Maybe we will divorce?
No, I still want to get married!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130322
 05.07.2016
A for [B]: When was the last time you drank port wine with a lady at night on the shore?
B for [A]: in 1992
A for [B]: Well, though there is a memory. And now what prevents you from taking your ass off the chair and repeating it?
B for [A]: Burn from portwein

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №130321
 05.07.2016
Prehistory: on a small street, which in the morning half-city traffic jams, set a lightfork and now on this street also a traffic jams, which impatient drivers (and we ourselves, when we are very in a hurry, what sin to hide) drive along the side.
The own history. Leha, our unique individual, somehow standing in this traffic jamming, sparked a just anger against the “hateful sidelines” and suggested that everyone together make a statement to the GIBDD. When we reasonably noticed to him that the gaiters of his affairs have enough and the fate of this "statement" is ghosty and foggy, he said that he would not calm down and "connect the press to this matter." And, indeed, about a week later on the local TV channel in the news appeared a report, where a boycott journalist right from the scene of events told about the heroic struggle of the brave GIBDD with the bad sidewalkers on this street, and in the background appeared the sad face of Lehi, who was fined.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №130320
 05.07.2016
From the corporate portal of Yulmarta from the news about the appearance of "Goods for adults":
“Our company employs people over 18 years of age, which means that everyone has a personal intimate life in one way or another. We think about its comfort and optimization, strive to make it bright and interesting. Our clients also have an intimate life and they also want it to be grey and boring. Someone needs products from the category "For adults" to realize their needs and fantasies. And the strategy of Yulmart is to close all the needs of the customer. We are ready to do so that our customers in this matter get quality goods and comfortable service, rather than looking for small sex shops that are melting in the shelters.”

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130319
 05.07.2016
There is really no contradiction. Children need to be taught that there is sexuality – and that such relationships are private, personal, so that the Aunt and the guy who is attached to her on the beach – just behaved non-cultural.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130318
 05.07.2016
He said: I have seen!
Have you changed your glasses?
He did not have an operation ?
She is fucking! Now I will have to paint when I walk with you and you will not take off your glasses.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130317
 05.07.2016
>> GMOs do not produce seeds

Programming is like that. The problem with GMOs is not in mythical health hazards, but in the fact that it is a fierce ownership like Windows 10 in the hands of impure corporations.

The worthy answer is not a ban, but an opensor. And it will appear as soon as the technology gets a little cheaper and simpler. It is said that modern methods of editing the genome leave no traces, and are indistinguishable from natural mutations.

Technology is waiting for its Torvalds and Stallman.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130316
 05.07.2016
The child is resting in Leningrad. He sends a picture of the stuff:
My son, guess what?
My mother is Shaurma!
Daddy is Shaverma, thief!
Son - Matreška, cookers

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №130315
 05.07.2016
I go to work, the window is open, I smoke, the music plays, the stream moves quietly. In front of the left row is a military truck, and there are soldiers in it, obviously timepieces, guys at all. The form is new, not blurred, sitting like a cow, whoever served - will understand. And one, when looking at me, had such eyes that I immediately understood - I want to smoke, and not. Well, I guessed for a moment, and threw them a package started in the body. Oh, you would see their faces! I broke the package in a moment, smoked all at once, swallowed my hands, licked. A soldier is needed for happiness.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №130314
 05.07.2016
In fact, I decided to get in the first class. The school then was on a good account, so in order not to take anyone there, the candidates for the place of the student should have passed a competition in the form of a simple exam - to tell the alphabet, copy a couple of triplets and tell a fairy tale (likely, to check the vocabulary). I managed everything easily, because by that time I was already able to read and write. Then came the story. The commission asks, “Well, young man, what kind of story are you going to tell?” I answered, “A story? Why a story? I will tell you the myth. “” It must be said that I studied to read from A. Kun's book "Myths of Ancient Greece" (many,, known), so my choice fell on the myth of Teseo and Minotaur. While I was broadcasting, my vocabulary was evaluated positively, and it was clear to the members of the commission that I would be taken. But! After telling the myth, I remained with a thoughtful appearance in front of the commission. In response to the question of what thought I was so loaded, I said, “No, I understand everything except one thing: how she gave birth to him, because he has horns! “” The commission lay under the table, the mother did not know where to go.

P.S I was still taken to school.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130313
 05.07.2016
My sister once told me:

“I watched two series of My Beautiful Babysitter, and then I got bored, but I was sorry for the time spent on them, so I watched another 140 series.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130312
 05.07.2016
I have a friend, Yuri, a rare man. At his expense, we drank – let’s remember when – well, right, we never drank. Sometimes he comes to me to play football, and I accept him. After playing, Yuri goes home, but definitely pulls something from the table. It can be a pack of seeds, a pair of apples or even a piece of sausage. Well, it would be okay to eat during the game, so no - well, he has to take with him.



Recently he called me, “I’m going to play football! » Knowing his peculiarity, sweets and chocolates I hid. He played and approached the table by habit – and there was nothing but medicines. But it could not break a long-standing habit.



This person takes the eye drops and with the words, "I feel like my eyes are hurting," spills half a bubble into each eye. Shame on, shame on!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130311
 05.07.2016
When I was 6 years old, I was taken to the entrance exams (or as they are called there) to school. It was at the end of the school year. The interview itself I passed successfully, but when we (I, my mom and the student who examined me) came out of the office, a bell sounded.

The bell itself hanged right near the cabinet and was apparently either one of the descendants of the Tsar-Call or a sign of civil defense. That is how I remembered him.

I felt like a grenade had exploded right above my head, and I did what any man in my place would have done – I sat down and covered my head with my hands. I’d even lie down if I didn’t have a clean shirt. And I knew that the punishment for a dirty shirt was much worse than the explosion of a grenade.

Looking at my reaction, she said that I was too early to go to school, because I am so crazy about the phone call.

I went to school next year, but in another year. I went to this school a year later, in third grade. And all the remaining school years, when I saw people, regardless of age, crackling from that call like I once did, I felt like I was fooled somewhere.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130310
 05.07.2016
And I will go to the office of MTS tomorrow and tap on the carpet in front of the door, under the pretext that they "did not refuse this service."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130309
 05.07.2016
- Comrade Beria, I was about a funny story with the graduates of your NKVD school. My colleagues and I consulted. It is unfair: some are running, others are not. For such a glorious release, the Gelendvagen are too small cars. Replace them with Gazenvageny and drive all your graduates through Moscow. So that no one is offended.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №130308
 05.07.2016
Family sessions, a break between hot and dessert, a conversation with relatives. Uncle Garic (an energetic man over 50) proves that food from multivarka is a soulless combination food and can not be eaten, without the soul is prepared! Aunt Marina (his equally energetic younger sister) proves that nothing like this in the multivarka can also be cooked with the soul. Aunt Katya (wife of uncle Garic) says very quietly and thoughtfully: "It is necessary, and the doširak yesterday evening so spiritually ate!", and there is silence at the table.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130307
 05.07.2016
The news:
Scientists predict that humanity will die out in 6.5 billion years

Commentary on her:
I am going to pay the mortgage!!! to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130306
 05.07.2016
And if all the problems from the "permanent standing", then why do girls paint, pick up clothes, emphasize the merits and hide the shortcomings? Is it to attract the attention of men?

Do not throw up your already inflated css.
A woman who likes a mirror.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna