bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №133152
 05.09.2016
xxx: In the castle someone digged, so nobody saw, and as in the households went down to take out the garbage, so all the neighbors met :)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №133151
 05.09.2016
I work in an office that issues lip certificates... Competitors know everyone and it is better not to go with their certificate. So the manager here one of our same certificate brought us. When the staff officer tried to send him, he heard our own words about the fact that the certificate is valid and official, and can withstand any checks.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133150
 05.09.2016
Geepard is made up of 70% water.
A wet chicken.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №133149
 05.09.2016
I found out here to be barely dropped to publish... 150th week of pregnancy
yyy: for the thugs)))
xxx: so I imagine the daily of a pregnant "the beginning of the fourth year of pregnancy goes normally..."
xxx: "taste addictions moved to silicate brick and liquid nitrogen"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133148
 05.09.2016
Today I went to work and on the door of the bar saw an announcement: "1001 night in a float"
The fact that Plov is written from the main letter (the name of the institution) is not read immediately because of the scary font.
And here I was once immediately introduced to the cruelest torture of the Uzbek partisans. Three years in a cage! That is fucking. Vietnamese people are resting

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №133147
 05.09.2016
The brother told, so not sure about the fairy tale or the real story, but gave the word that his.

According to him, the duty in the pharmacy, (the provider), suits the grandmother, the very "God's puppy." Pulling a finger, like come to the ear I say. Well, quite a standard topic, maybe from the gemorous what he is looking for, maybe anything else from the "uncomfortable" drugs, embarrassed. I come out of the shelf, I approach, I lean to her with my ear. Grandma, slightly coughing: “Son, is there anything from tuberculosis?”

Bl...

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133146
 05.09.2016
It was two years ago, what the system is today, I don’t know. I was an apartment owner then. Apartment in the newly built sleeping area, mainly young families with small children. Inherited from the past tenant I passed the connected router, and the papers-contracts on it. I threw money regularly, but worked in a wild schedule, at home only spent the night. Just then I stumbled somewhere and stumbled on information that my Wi-Fi is used by several other neighboring apartments, and there is no password. I am not sorry, and the speed is not very influenced (because I could only sit on the internet late in the evening, and these neighbors at this time are apparently already bathing), but to pay alone for everyone is offensive.

Then I renamed my connection to the apartment number. Waited a while. Neighbors continued to use my turnet, but confused views appeared during the meetings. Days after 5-7 I hung an ad at the entrance about such content "Dear neighbors, my Wi-Fi is not on, enjoy your health. I understand that providers offer quality rates not for the smallest money, and being an apartment renter it strikes my pocket noticeably. I ask all responsible and honest: whoever is not sorry - throw money into the mailbox of my apartment. You don’t have to pay for it, and I’ll help you. Payment for the Internet I make on the 1st of each month. Please take off the day before! Thank you in advance, I hope for understanding.” The announcement was posted on the 20th of the month. Literally two days later, the senior house broke my ad, accusing me of extortion. However, all the year that I lived there, the neighbors properly dropped their part! Who is 100r, who is 50r, who is tens and fifths, but in general, 2/3 of the cost of the tariff paid by the neighbors.

This is how we partnered and the Internet shared, and I am not happy and they are pleased - they help. Or maybe just the neighbors picked up adequate and friendly.

Now I already live at a different address, the new tenant passed the story as it is.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №133145
 05.09.2016
Woland [15:12 05.09.2016]:
We will use the method of proof of the contrary. Let us suppose that the equation has no solutions over the field of actual numbers. You are disgusted?
It is disgustingly simple!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133144
 05.09.2016
Madpan135: What’s wrong with her griya and griya on the pope?
DraftHoof: The grip on the pop is called the tail.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133143
 05.09.2016
How to reduce the number of wandering dogs in a humane way?
"Start with yourself!" - under this motto in Kazan, there is an action to sterilize dogs in the city's state nurseries

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133142
 05.09.2016
You seem to have discovered America.

Well, it seems like another myth has been unraveled, programmers are balding not because of ELT monitors.

Everyone has long known that programmers are balding from having to break down, maintain, and supplement the bike legacy code, which is why they tear their hair on the head (and other parts of the body). The more legacy code, the faster the programmer baldes. A direct dependence.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133141
 05.09.2016
XXX: Here you laugh, and in case of failure, I am waiting for a viciously laughing ass!
YYY: I don’t even want to imagine what it will look like.
XXX: I have presented...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133140
 05.09.2016
Evidence has been obtained that the Aztecs used selfies for their bloody ceremonies.

We won’t show you those pictures. With love. of your reptiles.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №133139
 05.09.2016
It could not be so in the United States. Store guards here carry a completely decorative function, and they are strictly prohibited to touch visitors. The most they can do is stop verbally and ask (! - You are not obliged to obey) to check the bags, and if you did not listen - to call the cops. and all!

/////////////////////////////////////

It is the same shit in Russia. Even if you look them in the eyes, you hold a bottle of whisker behind your sinuses. But, periodically, it is necessary to read how another old lady was broken hand and foot by the security guards of a particular trading network.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133138
 05.09.2016
When I was a child, I had two diaries at school, the first I provided when the five and praise came to me, the second contacted the teachers when it came to the pairs and comments. Not much has changed since then, now I have white and black accounting.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №133137
 05.09.2016
Purchased Kinesio tape through an online store, their point of sale of goods they do not have, but the warehouse is near the house. Called, agreed to pick up the goods at a personal meeting, they said that they would meet near the TC, so as not to look for a warehouse. The woman asked what color she wanted, and she answered that body.

We talked, called and met.

I bought a beige and black. In any case.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №133136
 05.09.2016
told one acquaintance. He himself worked in the ambulance, and saw a lot, but one case remembered clearly. They hit a guy with a knife in the chest (yes, people don't die immediately from the knife, you have to try to die immediately: ))

What happened next.

P is the patient, B is the doctor.

Q: Doctor, you can sit down, which is very bad.

A: Okay but carefully.

The guy sat down, sat down Min 2 and pulled a knife out of his chest.

Q: What are you doing? ! to You can’t take a knife until you get to the hospital.

Q: Okay okay okay! Do not be so nervous.

He pushed the knife back into his chest. They continued in silence, the patient’s actions were stunned. Eventually, he has a slightly damaged lungs. Now he is whole and healthy :) This is the story of the ambulance.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №133135
 05.09.2016
A psychologist, drunk from the awareness of his own rigidity, told the participants of the seminar about his author’s method of diagnosing psychological problems in a child:



When a child is brought to me. I first ask him to pick a toy out of this box. If a child chooses a soft toy, it means that he is lacking in parental love, cluttered jewel - aggressiveness, a hard ugly begemot - disrupted communication with his father, a doll - a negative experience of communication with his mother.



I was tired of this nonsense, and I broke the glow of the domestic psychology of the local spill:

What should a child choose to be recognized as normal?



The psychologist looked at me and replied sharply:

I am not brought to normal people.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №133134
 05.09.2016
Opium for the people?

I remember once being in Peter, took a tour of the temples. So everywhere the group was introduced inside, and the mosque was not allowed, say not Muslims can not enter. The most crazy thing in the synagogue was: everywhere ads that it is forbidden to photograph, but right next to the sign that for 500 rubles you can.

It is interesting, and in the places of predominance of Muslims in the mosque and so allowed, and excursions are conducted. Probably, in Peter they fear that the spirit of Muslims in the mosque will weaken if unbelievers are allowed there.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133133
 05.09.2016
The all-creator personally did not help when the Holocaust was created on earth by the ugly, and you, fucking, expect him to control the Pokémon!

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