bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №151732
 08.02.2019
There is one guy, a private assistant. I called him once, pumped the septic. A month later I called him again and his father had already come. Six months later, my wife and I sought an apartment and picked up options. One of the apartments was that man, his wife and daughter were at home. Of course, he did not remember me. And I saw his truck, so I remembered. A month later, I understood credit contracts at work, and one of them was that guy. Funny that way. I can come to him and say, “Siroga, my brother! Are you like yourself? Are you also on the ascenseur? Does he help or does he help himself? How about Marina? Is he also on care? Did your daughter go to the garden? Has the house already been sold in the port?



He doesn’t know me...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №151731
 08.02.2019
Yesterday I bought a dozen small (from the palm) caresses to "bake". Karasi was lying in the store in a box with ice, i.e. Without water. Then I have a couple or three hours in the refrigerator, in a closed bag. I gathered to clean, and, Oppo, one is moving! He was placed in an empty aquarium. for a while fell on the side, and overnight shrugged and now feels good. That’s what I know, life.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №151730
 08.02.2019
A friend told me a story, with his permission.



When I was 11, I watched the animated series "X-Men" on the Fox Kids channel. There was a very important line of events about Phoenix and everything that was related to it. I tried not to miss a single series. It was a good evening and my parents went to work. My mother went to Vladivostok, and my father was on duty. I went to school, went home and waited. Time for the series. I’m looking forward to the continuation of the story... But if everything was smooth, I’t tell it. My father and his colleague come. He says that they need to do something very important, and he asks me to go out and warm up the car (to not dust), because it is winter, and then they need to go. The guy, if he does not warm up, will not be able to start and his colleague will have to stay with us at night. In fact, I was not pleased:

1st I don’t want to miss the series.

2nd I don’t want any man to stay with us anymore.

have thought. In principle, if I get home very quickly, I will have time for the daily repetition of the series. Okay, I went into the car. I dressed up, dressed up, took a drink (they know how much it is) and I went into the car. I sit, sit and dumb. A boring PC. Music was one chance, but there were no smartphones at the time. I decided to go home for a moment to get at least a tetris. The door did not open for a long time. Dad’s friend opened and looked at me. “What do I need?” He says. Ohuet, I came home and I was still questioned... “I want to take Tetris.” He says what he will bring now goes into the room and is absent for a long time. All this time the silence is almost grave, only the telecast talks. Dad comes, gives me a tetris and says they haven’t finished yet. After taking a good toy, I go into the car and sit on. It’s not hot in the car, I would say. Batteries because of the cold, and because they were not new, quickly died out, so it is boring again. I spit on all this, stifled the car and went home. Two daughters come out of the apartment to meet me (then they seemed to me aunt, and now I would give these aunts 19-20 years old) and laugh about something between them running down. A friend of mine comes out and takes the keys from me. I go up and ask straight:

and dad. What was it?

You are about what?

Is it about my aunt who left us?

They came to work, and they didn’t lie.) is

I understand. What is so long?

“Sorry, but it didn’t work before... You’re... Mom, just don’t talk about work. Okay is?

Okay well.

The next day, he flew out of school to get away. I run and the TV doesn’t work!!! and soooo!! How I was angry. First on myself, then on my father’s colleague, and then on my father’s. I think that’s all! Mom will come and tell her what she missed the series. He did so. Mom began to question why I missed what I was doing in the car and everything else. Question after question and she learned absolutely everything. I didn’t even realize how I completely surrendered my father with his feet. Dad was very angry with me. Then there was a divorce, a trial, and my decision to stay with my mom because my dad thought it was their fault. He said for a long time that he did not participate, but was just present for the company. And killed - "I told Oleg that you need to be in the office!" By the way, Oleg and his wife did not divorce, he also said that he did not participate (they called the girls to see how they would do something with each other, ah). Three years later, the father returned to the family, still begged forgiveness, but his mother took him into such a mess that he could not even move. I don’t know if I did it right then, but still.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №151729
 08.02.2019
A friend of Rielter told me: There is a woman. The debt on public payments is approximately 600tr. Not paying for about 10 years. He asks what should I do with this? The police seized all the accounts and cards. On the other day, electricians came and cut off the light, the water channel sent a notification that it would also turn off. misery in general.



I ask, how is it at work? Do you retain anything from the salary?

In what work? I have not worked a day in my life! I raise my son and my husband pays me alimony for it, and we live on it. Here, my son will soon be 18 years old, I will send him to the army - let him go on a contract and earn an apartment himself, and I will sell my 4 room and buy one. My son will send money, and I will not pay for the community. As long as there are debts accumulated, the son's apartment will be given and I will live with him.



Next to him was a little boy sitting and kicking his head.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №151728
 08.02.2019
A frightening nation relies on former merits, like a weak old man on the roof.

Strong, leaves them to museums, burns the enemy standards, and goes on.

( by Stalin )

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №151727
 08.02.2019
Yes, I look like I’m 15, and my passport cover is stupid – with Batman.
In the neighboring store, I can't remember one single cashier, when buying tobacco always asks for a passport. On another passport check, I say: “Let you remember me by passport? I’ll tell you I have a passport with Batman.” I agreed.
Now, every time I ask for a passport, I say, I’m Batman.
Oh of course! Hi to! Please please.
I need to see people’s faces in line at the box.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №151726
 08.02.2019
Commenting on the results of the survey, according to which 41% of Russians aged 18 to 24 want to leave abroad, Peskov noted: "This is not such a high figure."
And indeed, in the family of Peskov himself, this figure is 100%.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №151725
 08.02.2019
I work as a computer technician. I live in Kazakhstan. We only have one global provider across the country. One day our internet speed dropped, and customers across the city call and tell us that they don’t have the internet, ask us for help, because it’s better to call us than the provider. We don’t think long we pick the number of the provider and there is such a conversation where the TS is our specialist, and the OP is the girl operator:



OP: My name is Asem, how can I help you?

TS: Hello to you. People in our city complain that they don’t have the internet, why?

OP: It’s not just you, it’s all over the country. There were technical difficulties. No one has internet.

TS: How is it anyone? In our organization there is, only the speed has fallen.

OP: Aaaah, this is probably the internet that hasn’t had time to end, it’s all coming to you now and will end.



Then we silently put on the phone. Those arguments cannot be disputed.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №151724
 08.02.2019
My friend and I work in different areas of the city, and some time after work at 19. 30 agreed to meet to drink a beer in a neutral territory. I arrived on time and my friend was late.

The time goes by, the comrade is not there, and my cell phone is loosely unloaded, I ask a man standing next door (M):

What time is it?

M is 19. 45 is

I... I breathe.

Happily, what is the meeting?

(I) and UGU...

Q – Is it late?

(I) and UGU...

(M) - Well, if feelings are serious - wait! And at this very moment the comrade comes in, we greet and leave... It was uncomfortable.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №151723
 08.02.2019
My wife is a teacher at a rural school. Today he says:

We will arrive at 15:00 in the Saxony village.

Come on, and why?

We are gathered for a webinar!

Who? who? 0 - O

District Department of Education.

Do you know what a webinar is?

A woman with a breath:

In “education” they don’t know.

By the way, we have a wired internet in the village, from "kakoitotamtelecom".

They arrived. In ten minutes they are all out. I ask :

Is it all?

- Oh, they have a problem with the internet at school, the webinar failed.

But they the event.)

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