I love holidays, but there is also a place to hate. Early in the morning, congratulations begin. No, thank you, of course, and you too, but let’s sleep first, fucking!! to

Wife: Imagine, Tanka, a goat like that, she posted photos of the Maldives on Instagram, sunrise there on the beach, and we are frozen here with you! I am so jealous of chewing, I also want to go to the sea <3.
I: Well suffer, suffer
J: And what will happen?
I : Nothing. Just endure it.

From geektime'a:

In the 1990s, BMW customers (naturally, men) opposed that the built-in GPS-navigator spoke with a female voice. They admitted that listening to the women’s team’s driving was unbearable for them.

And not to sue us for three hundred years of occupation and the yoke of Mongolia and demand from it... And what can Mongolia demand? At least a trillion horses.

In Nizhny Novgorod, a whole micro-region, a hundred multi-storey buildings with a population of 120,000 people are disconnected from gas for three days. The matter is necessary, and you will not turn away: they are moving the main pipeline, because they are building the metro next to the stadium for the 2018 World Cup in football. But there is a nuance: there will be no gas from 9 to 11 March inclusive. With the holiday of March 8, dear women, feed in the kitchen, prepare food for three days in advance!

Proger: How would I explain to you... These integrators... Proposes to save money to make a hammer and sink on one pen.
Basist: Is this the type of branch with a sharrer?
The loser: No! It is on one end of the methole, on the other - a slide!
The bassist :)
Proger: I say: "Ofigenic marketing! Give me two!" – They don’t come in. "On the contrary, it will be a single integrated solution."
The gunmen like to do that.
Proger: On the question "you know how to use it?" they answer "A, yes. The problem is clear!) then you can make a connector handle on the chain."
Bassist: ROFL Wait, I have to do it!
Proger: Guy, it was an illusion.
Fuck the illusions! A servant armed with knives from the venues! It will destroy anyone! I want to see this anime!

I can even find a story in Lola
The story of Tetris Go
XXX: Restructuring
XXXX: The Metaphor of Constant Change
YYY: Humm...
The Soviet Game of Soviet Time
xxx: Simple people constantly die under the oppression of those who are above = removed filled stripes
The typical 90s

The girlfriend has too active Jewish parents of her husband. He complains that the mother-in-law came early in the morning (stopped young people at an uncomfortable time).

XX: I don’t know what language to explain that!

“Daddy, if you don’t like how I fuck your boy, fuck him yourself.”

Do I call my wife a warrior of light?
Why is?
She serves in the army under contract, her name is Holy.

<NEWS>: Chimpanzees "worship the created sanctuaries
It is really a sensation. For the first time, scientists have seen the birth of religion not in humans, but in animals! Namely, a group of chimpanzees in Africa without any sense began to build pyramids of stones in empty trunks of old trees. Cameras recorded how it happened.

Alco Pony: It would be fun if during the apocalypse it turned out that the only true religion was these chimpanzees, and all the other creatures go to hell

Versager: You find yourself at the gate of paradise, and the archangel at the entrance - scratches his naked ass with a machined hand and chews a banana.

XXX: There is no one. A paradise for introverts.
YYY: And if there are introverts there, will this place remain a paradise for introverts?
XXX: Some of Schrödinger’s questions are straight.

You are fighting against the base. And my dream is to teach people how to use the printer.
It is useless.
and AGA. And so you feel 3PO - you translate to people what the printer tells them.

xxx: well I don't like this expression "pop-nuts"
xxx: because the size is still more suitable coconut
XXX: and hair in many cases

A warning system is being tested.
She clings and instead of all employees to leave the building says to all employees of the building.

Communication in chats is useful: you begin to appreciate the tactic of the arrival grandmothers.

Personal associations to the story of Einstein in the Berlin tram.
In the hungry 90s, when I just started teaching and reading, because of the lack of contingent in the new educational institution, exclusively at the part-time department, and was without any compatibility the first full-time teacher in our university, then you understand what my salary was.
Well, I had to be actively engaged in work, otherwise it would simply not survive. Our garden was far beyond the city, we got to it by train, the ticket for which was so expensive that the maintenance and work on the 5-acre site simply did not make sense. It was customary to give the conductor 50 cops for the trip. Instead of 3 hryvnia, but the prices are not standing, unlike the salary.
Once returned with my husband from the garden, already embroiled under the bandage, he is an "Afghan" - the trip is free, the conductor meets me, I stretch her 50 cops., and she with the appearance of a martyr arranges a hysteria on the subject: "I am standing on a paper?" I honestly explain to her that I have a salary of 22 UAH, but I cannot spend it all on tickets. She disdainfully stated to me: I had to learn! I was then offended by the spirit, and although I usually get lost in such circumstances, I gave her in response: - If in our country the salary of a teacher is less than a conductor, it is a country of fools! She picked up her bags, swallowed tears, and went out at the next stop.

Those who want Stalin do not want him for themselves, but for their neighbors.

Exactly 7 years ago, I wrote on this site that I was pregnant and lonely, no one even from March 8 to congratulate and left the number of aska. So many people supported me then, raised my fighting mood and gave me the strength to move forward. Thank you for being there!!!

All these of your “memes” are a complete hernia that irritates all normal people. borrowed already.

Normal people have learned Zen, are happy, do not get annoyed and do not get upset. Irritable people are not normal.

From the Temple:

The release manager should be a system administrator.
He must everywhere see conspiracy, everywhere see enemies who want to kidnap, break, defile my charm.
Any output for battle must be checked 115 times, and always wait for an outcome.
Even from themselves.
Even at 5 a.m.