bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №117080
 08.08.2015
There has never been a more absurd and strange situation in my life than to go out on the balcony in the morning and find a fresh peel in a box of flowers.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №117079
 08.08.2015
husband
My wife drinks 5 cups of coffee a day and has as much sex as I do.
Do not make hasty conclusions!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117078
 08.08.2015
As a citizen of HS who:

Briefly about the destruction of foods and the burning of shit on this subject:
Fuck, I forgot to ask.

And I, you shit, am paying taxes! And all this shit is done at my expense too. So yes, I would not bother to ask.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117077
 08.08.2015
I had a date with a girl who had a housekeeper. His name was George Clooney.
Okay, what was the name of Enzo?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117076
 08.08.2015
Maelinhon: I don’t have a note, but a fool.
Updates to the driver of the Waffle Alkaia!
I say, burn, I bless you.
I installed one of the three, in honor of which I turned off Wi-Fi for installation.
And immediately got panicked that the other two could not get down. I turned off the Wi-Fi. And it can't be turned on - the wood is not yet. No, because... and so on.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117075
 08.08.2015
and what?

According to official statistics during the Great Patriotic War:
About 700,000 were removed from the battlefield. The wounded,
<...>
They destroyed 300 enemy tanks.
There were more than 60,000 at the war.

What did your cats do?
----------
That’s why we can’t love cats. Well, the cats of the family woke up in the fire several times, the snakes that flooded into the house, killed, controlled the number of rodents that spoiled the crop and spread the infection, and the children from the same dogs were beaten away (see the video on the titerube)... The plague, which shattered half Europe at the time, was largely due to the fact that, on the order of the Pope, the cats were interrupted by almost all, such as the type of witch champions. Don’t go on cats here.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117074
 08.08.2015
I did an interview for a building magazine.
Uncle so serious, smart, cute...
“I,” he says, “are very good at screwdrives, and also at the Winx and the Pony Star, BLIN!!!” I have a daughter of 3 years!

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117073
 08.08.2015
Basically educational:

_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I bought a pastry. I tasted good on the bread, I stood crumbling. The wife comes and decides to feed the cat. She put it in a bowl... She looks at the cat and suddenly begins to roast.
Look at it! He buried him in a bowl. The fucking taste!
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Cats will instinctively bury not only shit, but also delicious food, if they are not hungry, in order to return and feed.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №117072
 08.08.2015
She: I received a letter from a potential employer: "Good morning! I need a corrector, how can I contact you?" I get such requests often, but!
The title of the letter is "Why a drinking girl is the perfect girl".

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117071
 08.08.2015
Remember to! It must be warm in summer!
________________
The heat does not owe anyone anything. But you can move to places where the climate is warmer. Of the many cryers I know, only one has done so. Now he’s 35 and he’s fine. I’m there at +20, and I’m fine here. Keep eating your cactus.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117070
 08.08.2015
xx:blin, and I chattarzh, take the telephone:"twv on the wire" and start sending my husband to bustle))
there are really guys, we don't let him go to the fountains and even feed him for dinner, and bring him home, let the electricity go))))
xx: so what should I tell them?
yy: the cape)))
xx:they could not celebrate the second, there was no type in the city, and now a bunch of cute friendly bugs under two meters of height begs me, well, please)) And I have a good soul)))
Yy: And these people provide half-city with a torrent...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №117069
 08.08.2015
Many people don’t like silence because they’re left alone with their thoughts.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №117068
 08.08.2015
The story is not funny, but socially informative.
It is known that in our country observe the PDT say so BRAZDO LESS than 100%...
I go on track. Quite often I am overtaken with violation of the speed mode (110-150 km / h with permitted 90 and unpunished 109 km / h). At the same time, the road has many closed, and therefore very dangerous turns... But this does not stop anyone...
and here. There is a long procession in the village. And as you know from superstitions - to go ahead of the dead is harmful to karma. The cars were built into a column for several hundred meters. And no one, I emphasize, no one of his... car, did not go to the outskirts, neither by the side, nor by the encounter.
100% respect for superstition!! to
Thus e. The arguments, restrictions and prohibitions of the Rules of Traffic on people almost do not work, and the arguments of SUBVERY are irresistible.
Instead of the Road Traffic Rules (PDR), I propose to distribute and implement the SDD (Sovereign Traffic Rules).
For example:
If you walk on the red, the light will glow you.
If you walk by the side, the member will not stand.
- exceed the speed mode - the camera will spoil you and you will get sick, etc.
You can announce a competition for creative people for articles in these SDDs, then publish a multi-million-dollar edition and distribute, starting with auto schools.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №117067
 08.08.2015
The most dangerous road warning sign: “Attention! The inspector took the mortgage!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117066
 08.08.2015
The wife calls:
They are 3 years old in the store. While the wife turned away, the little girl grabbed a bottle of vodka and cried out to the whole store: "Mom, let's buy my dad this water!"

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117065
 08.08.2015
The child on the question about the birthday cake, obviously very embarrassed, issued - "fake cake".
After asking how and why, it became clear that it was actually about the cake of Zacher, and the child did not decide to speak out loudly.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №117064
 08.08.2015
I’t feed them with foods of unknown origin that may be made in unhealthy conditions or worn out at all.
*** by
If the sanctions are lifted tomorrow, this same food will instantly become delicious and useful.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №117063
 08.08.2015
> with ski sticks in their hands (like walking on ski but on foot)
Google "The Scandinavian Walking" And the sticks are not skiing.
Lower illiteracy

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №117062
 08.08.2015
Scientists have recorded a signal from the planet Gliese 581d. They are cyclical and there is a probability that they come from intelligent beings.

This is how the universe disaster films begin.


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117061
 08.08.2015
I met a guy with his parents.
Who are you in the sign of the zodiac?
Surprisingly, the twins...
Mother (disappointed): haha
Guys (attentive) what is it?
Father (with the grotesque mine of utter disgust): You know, it immediately became so unpleasant.

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