bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 71 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №56024
 06.11.2011
Lunch with two colleagues. It turned out that in her early childhood she lived very close to Cole, and went to the same kindergarten, only a few years later. We start to remember what the teachers were called, and so on. The third, Artem, is listening to us, he is listening: “And I did not go to the garden, my grandmother was sitting with me.”
You were a major then!
Grandma’s granddaughter! You don’t know the horrors of the Soviet kindergarten! The burning pudding...
I: Manna cabbage with pieces...
A quiet hour.
I: Cologne, dressed as a babysitter backwards, we build a walk...
Kolya: Well, when we pressed the cocktails from bulka’s cheeks, he, shit, broke the grandmother’s cake!
Oh guys, stop lying, there could not be that in the garden!
Oh, Saga... What do you understand in the gardens! You’ve never even been "parvovozik"...

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №56023
 06.11.2011
BunchEnergy: I am now going to a stop, I am passing by the exit from the shopping center. A woman with a child is ahead. The child does not want to go with her hand. The mother (as I understood) says to him, "Give five!" and then the child joyfully gives five, and the mother (not less joyfully) grabs his hand and pulls the child behind him. O_O

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №56022
 06.11.2011
The girlfriend doesn’t seem to suck anything but your money.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №56021
 06.11.2011
I have nothing to say because there is something to be silenced about.
Joseph of Egypt

[ + 88 - ] Comment quote №56020
 06.11.2011
I read a story about a woman who was afraid of running without the lead dogs of the mayor, and for this she was baked in a psychic with the diagnosis of "dog fears".
In response, the story of the mayor "is not from our life".

Ten years ago I was on an internship in a small American town, at a small university. It was a typical "one-story America" - in a town with 50 thousand inhabitants there were about fifteen houses above one floor.
(There are five two-story buildings, the rest are university buildings on 3-5 floors, plus one huge university clinic compared to the rest of the city). All the others lived in one-story houses, built in long ranks along infinite streets of tens of kilometers (if all these people were to settle in panel nine-story al-la-Moscow, one quarter would be enough to accommodate this whole city). Groups of houses were divided by slopes, where all sorts of whites and strange (for me, the visitor) birds grew. Such accommodation
The "city" buildings led to the fact that I often had to go to a bookstore like Barnes and Noble, which I needed, or to walk 4-5 km from my home, past all these one-storey houses and trees. The store was “only” 1.5 km away.
At the same time, since all decent Americans ride cars, no sidewalks along the roads were observed. There were municipal buses for pensioners and disabled people, they went once every half an hour (with a total travel time on the route 15 minutes). In the end, because I did not have a car there, I preferred to walk along the roadside. Several times and not twice, absolutely unfamiliar Americans stopped by my side, passing by, offering to push me where I needed to go. And only once in a few months I saw a second of the same guy going to meet me by the side (now, having compared all the available data, I realize that it was most likely a graduate student from Armenia who just arrived in the universe, but then I was so shocked that in the city with 50 thousand. There is another pedestrian in the population who just fell into a stupor for 10 minutes and missed the opportunity to talk.

So one day, next to me, wandering along the side of the store, a local mayor’s car (by the way, black) passed by. He went out, looked at me (not close), said something to his assistants and went on.

A week later, construction began on this road, and a month later, this section of the highway had tracks on both sides, along all 4 or 5 km.

I told about this case to American colleagues, it was cracked, and now in a joke called this section of the Ivanov Street, in my honor.

To be honest, I would gladly vote for this black mayor in the elections – if I had the right to do so.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №56019
 06.11.2011
He wrote his mistress in a phone book under the name "LOW BATTERY". Now, when she calls me on my cell phone and I’m not there for some reason, my wife just puts him on charge.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №56018
 06.11.2011
Comments on Hentai in the pornography lab:

People, say it honestly.
Who is scratching on these multicolors?

– And you are in doubt, jumped and now you don’t know what to do with it?

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №56017
 06.11.2011
I’m sitting at work, pulling a pencil for my lips, and it’s short, five centimeters. I think it’s time to throw it out. My partner says: don’t have to! They can paint a soldier’s mouth.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №56016
 06.11.2011
When you start studying Matan, you realize that Wikipedia does not know everything.

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №56015
 06.11.2011
The poet Zhukovsky was for some time the educator of the children of Alexander III. Just walking around the park, the children saw the famous three-letter Russian word scratched on a tree, what it means, they asked Zhukovsky. He looked around at the emperor, and saw that he was watching carefully how he was going to be twisted, Zhukovsky said the following - and this is a commanding inclination from the Russian word Hovat, well how, Sovat - suj, Hovat - h*y (Hovat - h*y) Explanation liked Alexander and after a walk he stretched Zhukovsky the gold coin and said the same word in the commanding inclination.

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №56014
 06.11.2011
The husband, looking at the new pants, began to blame him for feeding him with baking (puziko, honestly, is present, but it is so cute and cozy that I like it). The way of life does not allow you to get special in the gym, so he decided to sit on a diet. In order not to be seduced by the tastes, he had to make a company. In the evening, they bite an apple and cuddle the cheese. At midnight... met at the refrigerator, and had a great time :-) This is definitely:"Every dude is looking for his dude, and it turns out - the PERFECT pair!"

[ + 92 - ] Comment quote №56013
 06.11.2011
“Master, how can I clear my karma, get out of the wheel of rebirth and see the world without the cover of illusions?

Go to Tibet, climb Mount Kailas, find a chain of caves, count the third south of the temple, enter it, the second passage to the right of the great stalactites. Stand up in the middle and say loudly: "Settings!... Disable the history of queries, customize the results, delete the profile!" Unclear fire letters will appear on the wall. Say "Yes!" Everything

[ + 86 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №56012
 06.11.2011
Commentary on the torrent site for the film:
Not very disappointing movie. Except for Statham in the militants this year someone else is filming? The exit man works. Go into the mortgage, the storm!

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №56011
 06.11.2011
Shurick984
Selling No. 1 from agricultural equipment (photo)

Yarsk
Shurick984, Something terrible you have tank number 1. Like a horror movie. As if someone had been killed many times.

Shurick984
Yarsk, at night on the phone in daylight it is very even cute. If it is painted in orange, it will fit very harmoniously in the living room, at least in the children's room.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №56010
 06.11.2011
Genius phrase from the girl: "the real half will always give in time"

[ + 46 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №56009
 06.11.2011
You just described the plot of 70% of all anime in the world *rofl*"

Oh you naive. 70% of all anime is Naruto, bleat!

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №56008
 06.11.2011
LexIs: I’m driving around the city at night, time later, the lights are off.
LexIs: I drive through a crossroads where the brave DPS stands, and shoot with a blaster in the direction of the opposite movement
LexIs: I see a car coming out of the darkness and moving in the direction of the "shooting"
LexIs: I think you need to warn, and the headlamps smashed them... and they responded to me with flashes, thank you, say, for the warning and reduced the speed

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №56007
 06.11.2011
Three boys aged 11 shake apples on the tree, another on the bottom. Trying to scream - "Stupid people, they are acidic, hang back!"

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №56006
 06.11.2011
Lying on the couch and forgetting the controller from the TV - a shit! I went into the hot tea bath and found out that I forgot to put sugar in the tea.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №56005
 06.11.2011
The fact that the girl went to the institute does not prevent her from going crazy at the same time. This is what I say to you as an employee of the Faculty of Philology.

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