XXX: I swallowed a mandarine seed. Now you can swallow me in the ground and a mandarine tree will grow.
YYY: It will not grow. I need to clean my stomach first.
Then I can just eat the earth and the tree will grow within me.
YYY: He has not enough light. I will have to shake my stomach.
I could just walk with my mouth open.
YYYYYYYYYYYYY I will laugh with your stomach.

I teach my mother modern terms.
Do you know what a social network is?
Mom: well if "social" means something for the poor?

Announcement of property lease:
"This is a one-bedroom apartment, strictly for 1st girl or woman, preferably female."

What if you kill a person in a dream?
For the money...
What if this guy is a girl?
to the salary...
Dmitry: Which one did bo-bo long ago?
This is to win the lottery...
Dmitry: Even if you kill in sophisticated form?
This is inheritance...
Don’t you find that money is hindered?
Alexandra: Here's Who Would Talk About Me Now!! to

Let’s gather a bunch of programmers in one room.
Why Why?
They will write us something, and we will sell it.
What if they don’t write?
We will dismiss them and collect new ones. Until anything else is written.

Software development in Russian.

I work for a company that specializes in website development, software installation and other computer stuff. To one of the programmers, the wife brings a 5-year-old son to work, saying, sit with him, daddy. In about half an hour, the son of Moses overtook everyone. And then suddenly an airplane passes over our building (they recently in Chelyabinsk often fly over the residential sector). In the office a terrible bull and drenching of glasses. and further dialogue.
Son: Dad, what is it?! to
The Father: The plane.
Is he falling?
Not yet yet. But if you don’t sit quietly, he will crash on you!
The child clinged to the chair and, in addition, as if the gift of speech was lost. So until the end of the day and sitting, then painting, then playing.
The evening. The programmer to his wife: "And what are you complaining about him? He sat quietly all day without disturbing anyone. You can’t deal with kids..."

Intelligence - at night to blend the whole variety in the shelter, and in the morning to get up early and, despite the terrible rumble, before the arrival of the cleaner to wash everything out of respect for the work of others.

The traditional Russian uniform is a struggle with laziness.

The news:
The Ministry of Defense refused to purchase the legendary AK-74
Comment on Rambler:
The Russians! Support the domestic producer. Buy at least one per family.

Trying to take a sitting seat in the subway in the morning, you understand why in childhood you trained to play a game with chairs.

A friend told me yesterday:
They and their husband have a anniversary, they want children and here she got pregnant, decided to give him a pregnancy test for the anniversary of the type as a surprise, well, original!
She wrapped everything in a box and hid it under the pillow. The husband came and she said to him - look for his present) At that sports gambling, he is looking for. It is warm, cold, hot...
The husband finds, unfolds, and here is a silent scene and the voice of the husband: you gave me a dried strip???? to
And she sits like that with a bouquet of flowers and says - I didn't think of it at all.)

Max: I think we’ll go for a walk in the storm.
Smallville: boldly
Max: Only to us this metalist has stuck, I don’t know how to get rid of him.
Smallville – Naked? The thunderstorm will not hurt!

XXX: How do you treat equality?
YYY: As a man will say, it will be. here here. And you?
XXX: Get married to me.

She is:
I ended up feeling for you, you can congratulate me.)
He is:
Congratulations to. Pleased with myself.

The news is terrible.
Six candidates for deputies from "United Russia"
Who is this man?

Call by mobile:
You are where?
In the garage.
How long will you be there?
Three hundred grams.

violet
Imagine the home phone is ringing, I am running to the kitchen, I am picking up the phone, hello, my grandfather is on the wire. Grandfather to me with the same question, the type that I call.. I say I didn't call it you, he also called me the same... well, so far.. I think there is such a crack.. maybe the mob picked him think, and he decided that it is I call... well ok.. then I sit thinking what I didn't ask when grandfather comes home, I call him on the mob already from his cell phone- grandfather says I've been home for a long time- in his room sits (!!!!) I hadn’t even heard him come home! I arrived about an hour ago and I was already home!!! And now we remember the situation when the housekeeper called - that means someone called us, I took the phone in the kitchen, grandfather in the room - and here we talk to him - you called me! It was you who called me!!" and the person who actually called there in shock is sitting)))))))))))))))))))))))))) ahahahah))))))))

That fragile miniature mouse, which I so carelessly threw in the university corridor "ey, mouse, let’s get acquainted", turned out to be my logistics preem. Now I know what the expression "fail under the floor" means.

There is a small market in the metro. Dialogue between the grandmother and the police officer. Or rather a monologue:
You are the roof, you are the problem!! to
Police: Okay okay okay

I download the classic of the cinematographer - the film "Nosferatu", Germany, year of release 1922. I was pleased with one comment:
"fuss...film-foolishness...foolishness unbearable...which is just mega-0.3 megapixel removal...I have a Siemens M65 better shot)and also in color..."