bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №52004
 19.08.2011
She: and also buy me a simple cabbage - it is useful to apply to the chest!
I: not cabbage to the chest, but I am useful to apply!!! to

[ + 29 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52003
 19.08.2011
A well-known American, on the slope of years settled in Russia because of his beloved wife, a couple of years ago came to old friends in Peter. He was driving in the subway standing when the train hit the brakes sharply. John stumbled on a fragile girl.
I don’t know how much he weighs, but one day, the most expensive chair in our office, bought specifically for his two-meter-high powerful body with an impressive beer belly, flew underneath him. Without a hundred and a half centers there could hardly be. John regretted the St. Petersburg lady, managed to push away from the shore of the wagon and performed a free flight alone, on an extremely unsuccessful trajectory. As it turned out later, this courageous act saved his own life. However, for this, he needed to shake his leg when he fell - the infection of the blood began. Before this incident, he was distinguished by indestructible health, so he underwent a comprehensive examination in the hospital for the first time in his life. It turned out that he had a large thrombus right under his heart, ready to collapse at any time with an inevitable fatal outcome. The trombus was in a failed, almost inoperable place, requiring shunting.
Peter's friends-medics in a few days raised the ears of the entire familiar world scientific community in this field. They targeted dozens of the best clinics. Moscow, Petro and Novosibirsk dropped in the first casting. Long held by the United States, in the final Seoul won a difficult victory over
and Singapore.

John went there, and the operation went well. Six months later, Russian medicine, which saved his life with at least a timely diagnosis, still prevailed. As it turned out, the doctor who treated him in our city had great illusions about his English language. The statue of Seoul papers he disassembled himself. Specifically, he did not prescribe one necessary anticoagulant, so that new blood clots did not form at the site of the operation.
Thus they were formed. New trip to Seoul, new operation. John survived essentially only because of his immense savings.
All his life he rolls like a wol and earns a lot, but has the talent of zero consumption. He has a tie, as he claims, since his high school evening. By the way, in good condition. Almost nothing is eaten so that he doesn’t lose weight – I’m afraid that all the necessary calories and trace elements he got only from his favorite beer until the doctors banned him. He spent only on his wife and a young daughter, but his wife does not earn well. Its only luxury object is the bungalow.
The Bahamas did not cost him a centre. Because he handed it over until it had to be sold because of operations. In them canuli and all his savings, as well as the loans taken and everything that friends added.

Once upon a time, John came to work minute by minute in the worst meltdowns, glaciers and traffic jams – just walking out in two hours for reliability. And now it was a pity to look at him – a healthy man, he was all gray sitting on the bench at every staircase. I refused to help, I would have raised such a towel. By January this year, new medical complications began, and he had no strength at all. The American pension has also arrived. He resigned and in a dark winter morning came to say goodbye to me. Remember his last words: “I now believe in karma – you can cure one thing, the other will come out. Previously, a thriving healthy man all his life was roasted and engaged in love, raised children, and at sixty years of age - and fell from a heart attack. Instantly, painless and free of charge. He left a great legacy to the children. And for the economy, it was great – you don’t have to pay pensions. And now the tormented eighty-year-old creature goes to the grave, filled with medications and Viagra, cut off by surgeons, already hostile to himself, ears in debt. Is that what I am going to do in retirement? I want to work, but I cannot. And the pensions will soon be lost.”
This big man really looked very unhappy – all his life he used to being a support, not a burden. For some reason I felt that this was really our last meeting. The only meaning of his life now was to live longer, so that the low American pension continued to drop. The doctors explained to him how to do this - to give up beer, spin the pedals on a cyclist, swim longer, and all that.

A couple of weeks ago, I was seen by a heavily burned man without the slightest signs of a beer bubble. He looked very restful.
When I was bathed, John pleasantly asked for work again. But only for a bit. Not to lose pensions...

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52002
 19.08.2011
The Teacher:
The kids! Who was in the village this summer?
and I!
And I too!
And I too!
and well. What sounds have you heard in the village?
The MoUUU!
and beeee!
The bloodshed!! to
Get rid of the tractor quickly!!! to

[ + 64 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52001
 19.08.2011
KiLstrom: This question has been bothering me for a long time. Why if the artist wrote an ohuen painting, the bottom must be signed like a chicken's lap?
Romanvzromanvz: and you try the oil paint beautifully sign up, you will be surprised ;)
Xyasse: I have tried it. expelled from the museum.

[ + 62 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52000
 19.08.2011
My mother is the master of focusing attention on completely unnecessary details of the story. If I tell her that I came back from lunch and met a green mammoth surrounded by fascists and horseback police, my mom would be interested in what I ate.

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №51999
 19.08.2011
Well I can’t get serious about business letters from a partner of our company named Ebi Lapatu!!! to

[ + 71 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №51998
 19.08.2011
I am walking around the store yesterday and I am pursued by a small dog, such as a table... a brutal, such a bearded man runs behind him and hears the “kaspersky stand!”and "

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №51997
 19.08.2011
News from Novosibirsk:
Ten tons of snow on a summer beach will help Novosibirsk skiers say “No!” to drugs

[ + 80 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №51996
 19.08.2011
Cat, we have a red cactus! You will come and see.
WOW: Zayk, at the moment, the commercial is beating the general. What kind of cactus?? to

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №51995
 19.08.2011
I was thinking that Statham would get out of the bus.
He will take me to a country where pony flies butterflies.
Sander: If Statham comes there, they will start rubbing the bricks.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №51994
 19.08.2011
In Chelyabinsk, a criminal case was opened against the strongest woman in the Urals – Marina Kygeleva. The incident occurred when she parked her car in front of the bank building and stalled someone else’s car. The owner of this car called her husband, who, arriving at the place, entered a verbal conversation with Kygeleva. It all ended up with a woman hitting a man. The doctors recorded the latter a broken wound in the chest, a bite on the shoulder, and fingerprints on the neck. When a man entered the bank building to wash the blood, Kygeleva got her expander and hit the car's cap.
Here's how to get to Chelyabinsk and Khz - is it worth parking there at all)

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №51993
 19.08.2011
The xxx:
Do you know?
The icebergs are striped.

YYYY :
Look at the iceberg!
Yes, no, there is no such thing!
We will float...
The Titanic: The Beginning

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №51992
 19.08.2011
Chuchella: Wow, Edward Cullen is the perfect boy for a girl aged 16-17. That was the relationship I wanted at the time. To write songs for me, I could not live without me, I was afraid to kiss and look to read...mmmmmm...how to describe it....

VanilnoeNebo: Нуууу... In fact, he was afraid to kiss only because he could eat. Not from shyness.

[ + 69 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №51991
 19.08.2011
What a country!? to
They launched one satellite - did not reach and slipped into the ocean.
Started the second - arrived)) but no one knows where :)

[ + 72 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №51990
 19.08.2011
xxx: who is the gel balls, almost free???))
Why are they not pleased with you?
We don’t know where to go for 70!!! to
Yyy: Breathe them and talk with a cartoon voice)))
XXX: 30 has already been breathed! It still remains!! We are already sick!!! to

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №51989
 19.08.2011
From Habr:

karazyabko: How can you work where there is such a roll of poppy polyethylene?
Vvzvlad: It is very simple. There were two rounds before.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №51988
 19.08.2011
LeeRoy: This morning the rubbish truck under the windows tried to transform into a decepticone. I don’t know how successful, but the sound of the pipet was, of course.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №51987
 19.08.2011
He said, “Hello, I’m coming soon.
“Hello, you have a guitar, right?
He: Yes and what?
She: Is she with a thick or thin grip?
He: With a thin... And what?
She: Hm, is there a chest?
He: No, I usually still drive that way. And what?? to
She: Then don’t come... You have a thin grip and no blanket.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №51986
 18.08.2011
“Dima, la khante estamu loc...”
Do not argue, Sergei Sergeich! In 5 minutes the mail will work.

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №51985
 18.08.2011
Tell me, is it true that when you buy a perforator, you eat cookies?

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