Electricity of Moscow-Fryzino
At one of the stations there is a loud communication and a tired driver's voice is heard:
Please release the doors.
(Pause for 10 seconds, already annoyed)
The train will not go anywhere until you open the door.
Pause for a minute, tired
Comrade passengers who have strong fists, please go into the ninth wagon to the last door and explain to them that you cannot keep the door open.
(Pause a minute, the doors close, we go on, it’s calm)
Dear passengers! The RZH reminds you that railways are places of increased danger and we are not responsible for the actions of fools and fools! A pleasant path

The morning after a drunk.
I decided to stick, text the girl I slept with, she lies next to me, back to me.

I: Good morning Masha!
Good morning, who is this?
I: This is Maxim, we slept with you last night.
Hi, how did you sleep?
I: Idiot, turn around, I’m lying next to you!
(to be turned)
Hi Max, do you get rid of it? Someone wrote to me that I slept with him yesterday.

The wall *

Hello to you!! What are the tips??????? to
Hey, hello yes yes :)
I am a baby!! Do you say classy?? to
The most important thing is that they are delicious.
Q: What is it?O_O
Yes, I say delicious apples. Isn’t that something tasty?
What a fucking apple. What can I not distinguish between man and fruit?! to
WOW: The man?? to
I am a fool!!It is :'(

XXX is OK. I bought everything that was missing for school.
_zzz: the jacket and the alphabet?

Paul: "I asked a friend on the way to buy chips with onions and cream, chips, a pair of branches of green onions and a bowl of cream"(c) )))

The head of government responded to questions of a journalist while driving a Lada Kalina Sport on the Chabarovsk-Chita route.

XHH: Funny probably it looked like, ahead are two security boxes worth 2-3 million. The rub. Each of them has a Lada Kalina and two other boxes in the back. The circus is gone, the clowns remain.
A journalist is running :)

Talk about how to cook charlotte between girls.
x - Tanyuša, hello, please tell me the recipe for the charlotte like you cook
y - a glass of sugar, a glass of flour and 3 eggs, apples cut to the bottom of the pot
X – how much milk?
We do without milk.
X - No and how much
How do I know we do without milk?
X – How much is a glass?
The glass is the glass.
X - what diameter should the eggs be
y – ordinary chicken eggs
x - the test must be liquid or thick
Y is liquid
X – How liquid is it?
y – slightly thicker than the blades
X - what diameter is the pot?
Y - how do I know which, any bowl
x - aaah understood, and then closed with a cover and on open fire yes?
Y - as you can cook the cake, it must be in the oven
X is yes? And for how much?
Y - for 25 minutes
X - aaah, understand, but exactly in the oven?
If you know how to make cake, please do it.
X - Tannushka, and the apples will have to be cooked before the cake?
Why do you cook them? - Smoothies
X is raw.
y - yeah yeah yeah yeah
X – Okay, I’ve got it done, thank you. The question is, how much milk?
Y – Blue... Go buy peelings...

[00:57:37] <Bugoga.exe> hearing
[00:57:48] <Bugoga.exe> I have that question of great importance
[00:57:54] <Bugoga.exe> he worries me years since five
[00:58:15] <eahhh> m
[00:58:18] <Bugoga.exe> Do you also have cracks after you turn off the telephone?

A tribe (5 years old), looking carefully at her grandmother, asks:
“Baby, why is your mom’s breast big and you’re small?
"Baba", after a little thought, pulls away the fat from the belly:
I have two rows!

The most terrible words of childhood: ''And now we close the textbooks and get the double leaflets!

She: Kiss, have you forgotten about me? You don’t call, you don’t write :(
He: No, I have stopped drinking.

I found my question in Google, and there is 1 answer on 4 screens: "I had this problem, but I did the following:..... 9000 rows... After that the server actually fell, and the problem was not solved." The shit would kill the shit.

xxxxxxxxxxx:
Six weeks without a weekend. Sunday - after another hysteria of the customer requiring "everything to rework" we sit and rework. In the background, it revolves "Formula-1". The phone ringing, the counters, hidden in the drawings by the ears, presses the loud communication (the tube we broke in the customer's first hysteria) and with a juicy horrifying grave voice gives:
Talk to the worm.
From the phone comes a whisper, a nervous laugh and a quiet voice of the customer:
I call P P P P P P P P P P P P P.

Now I feel like a real man.

2 Who has fallen?

1: found a rubber for hair on the table and tried for a long time to figure out who it might be)))

I work as an admin in the company.

Call: I don’t have the internet!
I: Sorry, but who is this?
Ivanova is an economist.
A minute, I will check. I’m checking out, there’s probably an end to traffic.
I: A minute, I’ll look at your traffic.
...
I: Your day is not exhausted, you see the month is over.
The silence of 10 seconds... seemed badly heard:
How did you know...what does it matter when my period is over?
He throws the phone and the boss calls:
Q: What are you doing to the users?
I am :?! to
N: Well you tell the economist that her monthly is over, are you?
I: The monthly limit has ended, from the word of the month!!! to
N : ) )

Then long laughed first with us, then with them, now this joke goes all over the enterprise, the IT department knows about your monthly!

BaZz'iL is:
The main thing is that it doesn’t work like one guy in the forum.
"It was funny!
Karoche called me a girl to her, I was scared, but I went, her parents were not at home. Karoche went to the store, bought vodka and five condoms. I went to her, all the way while the fox was walking stood like a fox. Finally I came to her, and the cock stopped standing, I started beating him, but he slept. At the entrance, the caroche opened the vodka for courage, drank half a bank (previously a maximum of 2 drinks). Karoche drank, left the bottle in the entrance, the cock fell asleep. He went up to the 6th floor and swallowed it. He knocked, she opened the door. Beautiful, only small breasts.Went in, she wasn’t nervous. The most cough then went when I began to shake. The fucker was not standing. We sat down with her a little bit, because she started kissing me in the stomach sharply, we went to bed with her. I did not fall, I was probably scared. She started sucking me to get him up. And I was a fucking bitch and sucked her in the mouth, she cried and threw me off the bed. I woke up the next day at her entrance, it was fucking."

Niceneasy: You don’t understand, in your face I’ve finally found someone who understands me!

In the kitchen, the telecast works, the husband passes by, at this time the advertisement: "gather the child to school for 349 rubles!"
The husband is thoughtful: and what to collect it, let the disassembled lie...

The village of Elban.
Q: Did you read it correctly? 😉

Prehistory: Recently, my boyfriend and I bought a "Dendy"-type console, bought a bunch of games... Now every evening we nostalgize, playing "dancing", "supermario" and so on.

In the next game evening, my favourite publishes: "Here I look at you: you sit in a chair in the same T-shirt, drink quas, play on the console, and also fold your finger in the nose... Well, you can see immediately that the museum scientist is sitting!"

0 - O