You can’t drink, you’re bad.
Did you see me drunk?
She : Why? I see you sober.

Would you take a dolphin?
In the bathroom, I have dreamed all my life.
I go to sleep and see when I can have a dolphin.
NN: They’re just so gorgeous.
There is no better and smarter animal.
CHC: Well of course!
I still need to buy a large pelvis for the dolphin, so that when I am going to wash, from the bath to transfer it to the pelvis.

Forbes magazine has published a list of the most influential people in the world.
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin – 3 place.
Dmitry Medvedev – 43

And the most terrifying thing I learned from the ads is that bacteria live under the toilet and multiply in the mouth.

Humor does not contain.

I know why all men are goats!! to

Because the cute-girls-no-pretense-with-feeling-humour-sympathetic-smart and will not look at the ordinary guy, not finally distracted by the female attention, not attending noisy parties, who in life is just doing his business and does not try to prove anything to anyone.
For a guy with a healthy self-esteem who does not build out of himself a bride.
All girls, no matter how smart they are, look primarily at brutal males/high-strength-intelligent.
Not the usual.
When I started dating a boy at sixteen, he had no idea of himself.
All of my friends turned their fingers at the whisky and called me ‘helper’ behind my back.

Now my abandoned, divorced, offended, goats-all friends envy me. Because he is smart, beautiful (dressed and pumped a bit:), he gives me flowers and wears it on his arms.
So is.
You have to look in the eyes. With good and smart eyes.

The soul of a woman is light and always inclined to corruption: there is no man in the life, that is, a man, but there is no life.

Yesterday morning I burned my lower lip to a blister state when I tried to see if the pasta was ready (in shape of shells). There was a hot boil in the shell and my "%:ICE!!!!!!!It was heard in the neighboring apartments exactly...
I came to work with a blister. The blister should be said to be not very visible - yes, white swelling. However, it hurts, shit, very hard and I constantly lick it.
At the end of the working day, my boss (a very sweet woman) finally notices that something is wrong with me - angry, dumb, licking my lower lip, I answer questions unambiguously like: "Go to her..." and I have to tell you that, "nothing personal - just the lip. her mother... hurts a lot".
She immediately advises me to soak my lips before bed with vaseline (Ha-ha! I’m glad I didn’t burn my ass.
In short, we talked and broke up, the rest of the day flew unnoticed and I went home. My boss was leaving the room at the same time as me. There are a lot of people in the hallway rushing out of the office.
"We’ll see you!" – I’ll put her on the move.
“Don’t forget the vaseline!” she replied to me and switched to a conversation with her friend who was walking next door.

A lot of people have looked at me with interest.

Girl to Boy:
“Look, it’s a rainbow! She was fucking!

Natasha (02:29:03 13/11/2009)
......

Soulhunter (02:29:35 13/11/2009)
Donnie Davidblane, let the letters go back!!!!! to

If a woman is not loved, she will at least get her hated.

A story about alcohol in the grinding radiator. The Far 1980, Stepankert
(which no one knew at the time), a lieutenant-two-year-old (I) prepares a radio complex (three large cars) to be sent to another part (far away - in the
and Urupinsk. The complex was not in operation, i.e. it must be in the form it came from the factory. But, of course, some of the “necessary” things have disappeared.
One hope is that the receiving party will find it possible not to notice. But a lot has disappeared. Fortunately, loading on the railway platform takes place at the Agdam station (yes, the same port wine was poured in the railway tank).
And as it is, no clean canister in part and in town (it is small). But university education was of high quality in those years. The idea of using the tank of the complex's diesel power plant was born almost without pain (the complex never worked).
At night, before loading, Ural375 (a car with a power plant) arrived at the filling post, where Agdam was poured into 50-ton tank tanks. As usual, some thing went into the hands of the operator (a hat or a small sapphire scarf, I don't remember). The hose on the side of the body was pushed into the hose and the process went. I am entertaining the operator with jokes.
The anecdotes gradually exhaust and the operator begins to worry. But the flow is not and is not. He looks underneath the car - it's dry, checking the pump, etc. But finally, the wine began to flow out of the garlic, and I quickly leave. I seal the cover of the tank, load it onto the platform, and promise to the chief of the guard to shoot if even a gauge disappears from this “totally secret” car. The train leaves. A couple of weeks later, a telegram arrives that the equipment in Urupinsk needs to go to make an act of reception. I come, meets a major with a characteristic nose color, expresses doubts about the success of my mission. Let’s go to technique. “Well, write down the shortcomings in the act,” he says. "There is no spike of the fork castle" is a piece of wire on the hook, i.e. as a father-in-law would check the floor in the hallway with a cloth. I tell him that this type of complex has a particularity that needs to be started with. He tries to offend, saying eggs do not teach chickens. Please bring a glass. They bring. I open the crane, pour the port wine and give the major. It smells, lights the face, dries the glass with one throat. Gamma of feelings (unfortunately, not Shakespeare I, as you have noticed). It shouts - "Caravello to the secret technique!“I ask, ‘How many there?’ “Full tank there,” I say. “You are our Savior! We have only vodka in the shops for the third month. “Where do you have to sign your document?”
When I arrived, I looked into the paper. The tank was 400 liters. I was a month without radio surveillance.

Depending on the intonation, one native word of automechanic Petrov can mean up to 50 different parts and devices.

xxx: In the market of the grandmother some stall - "Buy a package!", because "2 is cheaper, 3 is cheaper, 4 is almost so". I asked: "How much do I need to get to get absolutely free?" She lags behind )))
WOW: Envy, remembering the theory of rows :D

Speaking of a dish called "ya crude"
oshibka2006
And also in this recipe there is such an ingredient: 2 thirds of salt!! Two thirds of what? The world stock?! to

xxx: Fuck, I don’t have a mouse >< Uzhos.
My cat does not work.
yyy: sleeping all day, cuddling

I remember 12 years ago when I dreamed of eating lunch at McDonald’s every day and riding the subway alone. Who can say that childhood dreams don’t come true?? to

People are like pigeons - they will only fly a little higher and fuck them on you

Has anyone noticed that the race of people in StarCraft has working blacks?

xxx: I think that once Jesus created the internet, he wanted us to watch porn and download pirate software.

Application for technical support:

I am here in an onset of dementia formatted the screw I needed.
What to do now?