bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 58 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22288
 09.11.2009
Recently, as part of the film’s advertising campaign, a Counter-Strike tournament was held between titled Russian teams Virtus.pro and forZe. The highlight of the competition was the presence in the tournament of professional striptease girls, who in all their available ways tried to distract gamers from hunting each other. The girls tried very hard. However, neither seductive poses nor naked bodies have been able to distract professional players from Counter-Strike.

[ + 83 - ] Comment quote №22287
 09.11.2009
XX: we have all in the city or boxers, or pids
Are you a boxer?? to
XXX: No

[ + 107 - ] Comment quote №22286
 09.11.2009
The Ipanuccio! A man in a pig mask entered the bus and began to cough.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №22285
 09.11.2009
Maturity replaces crying signs with questioning signs.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №22284
 09.11.2009
How Mark Bernes was pared

After the historic plenum, where Khrushchev was removed, L. I. came to power.
and Brežnev. Nikita Bogoslovsky and Sergey Mikhalkov were sitting after the bath.
Metropolis is the meeting place of the highest creative intellectuals of the time.
I ordered a limonade, cognac and coffee. And here in the hall comes Mark Bernes, who at the time was famous as a man very sharp and in his own way fair. Bernes approaches their table and starts a conversation - as a business, as a couple? And then suddenly the Godologian begins to lie. The new general built such a bathroom for himself! Such a class! Such a massager! U is
Bernie’s hands were shaken.
Listen, how do I get there?
We don’t promise you anything, but if we agree, we’ll take you.
A month passes, Mikhalkov and Bogoslovsky meet, drink, call.
Bernie and says:
Mary, we have agreed. Tomorrow we go to the bathroom.
thank you! Where do we meet, at what time, what to take with us?
Go to Metropolis at 7 o’clock. Do not take anything with you.
How nothing? You need at least a shirt, towel, shoes...
What a fucking towel, you get what you want! The shoes, and
A toothbrush, toothbrush and massage will make the girls young.
The next day, Mikhalkov and Bogoslovsky arrive on the Volga.
Metropolis, take Bernes and 40-45 minutes ride him through China-City. He doesn’t know why he’s riding in the Chinese city.
“It is necessary to break away from the KGB’s tail,” says Bogoslovsky.
Eventually we drove for another half an hour. I went into a dark and dirty room.
Is that what, and is it the praised Brezhnev Bath? He says disappointed.
by Bernes.
- Yes, it's a black walk, the bottles are taken from here.
They enter the bathroom, go through a long dark corridor, a lot of turns, swings. Finally, they enter the office. Soft leather furniture, red wood, oak table, phone.
This is yes! Is that Brejnev’s office? Asks a surprised Bernie.
You are what! This is a shirt, let’s get dressed, let’s get dressed.
Where to dress?
Right here right here.
I drank a cup of cognac and Bernes dressed up.
And the towels and towels?
And shoes and towels will be given, go.
Why are you not dressed? Asked by Bernie.
We’re going to catch you, we’ve been here. Another drink and we’ll come, he says.
Theological. “Mary, you go through the hallway, don’t stumble.
In ten meters you turn to the right, there you will see such gobelins.
Here is the door behind them. You enter there, there is a predecessor.
The naked Bernese rushed through the corridor - to the right, to the left, approaches these gobelins, opens the door, enters. A bright light. This is the banquet hall of the restaurant "Slavian Bazaar", where at this time the 70th anniversary was celebrated.
and Janina.
The naked Bernes entered the hall when another toast was pronounced. There is no scene!
After this, Bogoslovsky and Mikhalkov were afraid to get Bernese in the eyes and left to live in the country. And Bernes regularly called Mikhalkov's wife - Natalia
Konchalovskaya - and asked, "Natulyanka, this stumbling b... and his friend theologian did not appear yet?"

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №22283
 09.11.2009
A woman comes to a psychologist, all tormented, exhausted, beaten, in bluffs, just sad to watch.
The Psychologist:
God, what has happened to you?
The Woman:
I don’t have a very good relationship with my husband, he too.
As a drinker comes home, so it breaks away on me.
The Psychologist:
I know one great way! Make yourself a strong decoction of chamomile.
And as soon as the husband comes home - immediately start to rinse slowly.
Your own mouth.
The Woman:
And what? Will it help?
The Psychologist:
It will help, it will help! This is a wonderful folk remedy!

Two weeks later: the same woman, only not to recognize her! Beautiful, radiates harmony and self-confidence, overall complete success.
The Woman:
Thank you so much, this is such a wonderful recipe and so simple!
What is the secret?! to
The Psychologist:
The point is to get stuck and to remain silent in such situations.
It always helps!

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №22282
 09.11.2009
A fish named Wanda says:

To be or not to be.
by Shakespeare

To do is to be.
by Nietzsche

To be is to do.
by Sartre

Do be do be do.
by Sinatra

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №22281
 09.11.2009
to this:
Today, a very life-threatened hop approached the hole, watched for a long time as I sat down, then said: ''your hair rubber is not going, change'' something in this country is changing...
___________________________________________

Check the quality of your cushion. You may be working in the basement. Not everyone in the old sporting costume is a troll. It was a coach.)

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №22280
 09.11.2009
[15:07:10] * Matery_The Serpent is cuddling under: God's cow - Granite camel

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №22279
 09.11.2009
<KoteG> inet - the source of pornography and violence... do not turn off evo, please...

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №22278
 09.11.2009
I live in the street of freedom! Beginning with the area and ending with the cemetery.

Maikop

[ + 77 - ] Comment quote №22277
 09.11.2009
I want to know what I am by the eyes of a girl.
Masha is high. My eyes looked carefully into your chest.
Sasha: My own too!
Sasha: There at the end of all these questions will be "so why can’t you come to me at least once a month, distract yourself with a high humorous and gentle smart man".
Masha: таааак.....this is why I associate you with the image of "girls once a month"?
Sasha: you associate with a girl "not once in six months", but somehow move from this point!

[ + 49 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22276
 09.11.2009
The title:
About the need for financial support of AutoVAZ stated Minister of Economic Development of the Russian Federation Elvira Naebulin.

[ + 92 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22275
 09.11.2009
to this:

How you got it! Not Belarus but Belarus.
_________________________________________________________

Institute of Geography of the Russian Academy of Sciences (IGRANE). In all geographical documents, this country on the territory of the Russian Federation is called BELARUSIA, not Belarus.
In all atlases, maps - Belo-Russia. And not otherwise.
You will still start to call Ingushetia the "Ingushetian Territory" or Georgia - Georgia.
Belarusians can name their country anyway. We do not deny many to call the Russian Federation "Rashka" and so on.
Bring it somewhere, you got already with stupid arguments.

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №22274
 09.11.2009
by Natalia (22:52) :
I’ve already told you how a good boss once burned up?))

by Natalia (22:54) :
The teacher calls his student by phone: "Allo! (They are louder) Allow me! (It is even louder.) Is it you, Ivanov?...Your mother... (pause) I don’t see for some reason for a long time, but I sent her a note!


[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №22273
 09.11.2009
Tagged: Healthy
Dimandrid: Hi, did you see my news on the website?
Demigod: I saw it, it’s funny.
Dimandrid: And what is it about?
You are a bitch :)


[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №22272
 09.11.2009
from comments to the demotivator)

The author is a finished eblan!! to
I am sorry, but I did it myself, fucking 😉

It is time to admit that you are wrong.

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №22271
 09.11.2009
In Peter two good weather - dirt dried and dirt frozen.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №22270
 09.11.2009
14:40:26) <Luke> Sash, hello)
[14:40:42] <Luke> I have a question...
[14:44:50] <usemind> Let’s go
[14:44:54] <usemind> hi
[14:44:59] <usemind> I got ready
[14:45:04] <usemind> s
[14:45:11] <usemind> removed cluttered objects
[14:45:26] <usemind> put his feet on a rubber carpet
[14:46:02] <usemind> Bite a leather case from the phone
[14:46:09] <usemind> and squeezed sphincter
[14:46:13] <usemind> I am ready
[14:46:18] <usemind> Ask

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №22269
 09.11.2009
to this:

Laughter is laughing, and now the number of robbery robberies may increase.
Imagine a man in a respirator enters the store, gets a gun, takes money and (!) Mixed with the crowd.
This is one of the most important things in the world.

This is an idea!!! to

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna