I work in a small organization, I wrote a software that automates a lot of routine office work. I put a trial for 5 days and show the boss, with a hint that I should buy.
-After an hour calls to myself and says that if I don't find a crack, I will be fired :(

I sit with my wife in the kitchen and eat shurma.
A cat comes, begins to rub his legs, to ask.
Wife: "My brother was stunned. I have come out"

At the mine, at one of the passers during lunch, a small rat sprinkled a sausage and began to run away, the one behind her, she in a cut tube about 1.5-2m long, and hid there. He didn’t think for long, but stopped both ends of the pipe and began to intense a squat from above. This action lasted about 5-7 minutes until colleagues got tired of this sound.
Watson, she died there a long time ago.
Vasya made a checking blow to the pipe several times, and rested, opened the pipe and looked there. Basil laughed and said:
- Fuck men, don't believe, she has her back legs clogged her ears, and she eats the sausage with the front legs.

(C)dr.5y51em

Girls dress brightly and outspoken only to play the male instinct to fuck out all the unusual and amazing.

I am studying in Jurfake.
I approach the bus stop. People are full as usual. Comrade calls, everyone around hears only my answers, naturally:
Q: Are you going to class today?
I am UGU. What do we have today?
T is a seminar. Prepare for rape.
One rape and all.
T: Yes, only one couple today.
Take my place, I’ll be soon.

and WOFFKAA:
I am Arbitration.
And when I finish the arbitration, we need to repair our apartment.
The door was opened on Saturday.

The smoke:
If you are a wizard, I also want a door on Saturday, but rather a door on Friday night.

Today I was at a congress of amateur photographers, I heard the outcry of a dialogue after which I just couldn’t stand more normally:
Can you distinguish color from black and white?
Surprisingly, the eyes are different!! to
Furthermore, he heard the toppling of the legs, the silenced matts and the phrases:
A zebra in the snow!! to

In our country, fucking dogs cross the pedestrian crossings, and especially smart on the green light, when will pedestrians learn to do so?

xxx> I'm fucking with the female logic. First they look for a unique creative personality, and then for several years they try to make him live a "normal" life.
Either they are looking for a man after whom they would be like behind a stone wall, and then wonder he restricts them.
Wow> Well the walls are actually the limiters :)
xxx> Or constantly divorce a man for money and then get upset that he treats them as things.
But the fucking thing - they are looking for an experienced man, that is, one who would sleep before them with a lot of babes, and then they want him not to cheat them, like a gourmand able to distinguish the taste of dozens of dishes can be kept constantly feeding a ham.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fuck, this is the story.
I met with a girl... there was no sex for a very long time... probably 8 months... but I loved her, I forgave a lot... I didn't think of her at all.

And finally the celebration of all Russia and my friend) a miracle of miracles happened)))

First time with her.

Everything is normal... but I look at it later... after all, she’s so sad. I’m asking her (maybe I didn’t like it or even... I’m feeling damn) dear, isn’t it? Why are you so sad?
No, it is okay. I just feel like you are dating me for sex.

The curtain.

The door of the car begins to close, and I shout “Allahu Akbar!” and throw a bag of old shoes into the closing door.
Of course, I immediately fled. But the portion of a second I watched the expressions of the faces of people in the wagon was truly unforgettable! =) is
--------

Here you are Pidaras! People, if you see this Gandon, throw it down on the subway rails. Forget the fucking stuff in advance. You can break your legs, hands, and press the hook between the doors.
You’re a shit, you’re such a shit, you’re such a shit, you’re such a shit.

You put a great man on his knees, and he is still higher.

A new station was launched to clean the sewage sewage from the same that does not sink in the water. And at the exit, bricks should be obtained for burning at the heat station.
Who made such a joke is unknown. But when the tape was cut under the fanfares, a candy fell under the applause from the unit.

A man sits and looks at the flood. The hour sits, the other... At the third hour the wife goes into the bathroom:
Okay fuck you! Go fishing or I need to wash.

If Luke Besson lived in Russia, he would have directed the film "Route Taxi". and documentary.

of Saratov. The morning. The city center. I stand at the stop, waiting for the bus to the institute. Arrives at the Caen stop with 177 regions, from there the song of pasha wills about barvikha plays, a type comes out of the passenger seat. Age 20-25, drunk, with a bottle of red label in his hand. With a scream, "Ebanarot" approaches the girls standing next to me, and with a twisted tongue asks.
What kind of city is this?? to
The Saratov...
Crying to the driver
You are fucking! I told you that the 64 region of Nihua is not Peter’s! This is not the Neva, but the Volga. The idiot!
climbs into the car, they start to leave, then give up backwards, the guy comes out again
Well, if Volga is nearby, is Volgograd nearby?
In general, not far...
by Vasa! We’re going to see Mammaev Kurgan! to forward!
And they leave. Everyone was laughing)

A couple of years ago I read in some automotive magazine in the chapter of a letter of readers: I bought a new car Kia, and my phone in it started to work badly, on the old car everything was fine. The Nokia phone.
A brilliant response from the editor: Dear reader, read the name of the phone carefully!!! to

Dora: What are you doing?
XXX: Stretch your lips and try to make rotating movements without moving your jaw.
YYYYYYYYYYYY(

This is a real story that happened to my neighbor recently. In his bathroom, one of the boards on the floor is unstable...and once he went to wash. I went to pour hot water... came onto that board... his leg failed... and his back fell onto a boiling tank with water... hot and painful, something to do, well he pushed off his ass on that same tank... can’t get out... the pocket literally boils. How I got out. He came home, sprayed his ass with cream to heal faster. Lie to sleep. In the middle of the night, a cat goes under the blanket, and begins to sliced cream... and there also burned... meat... painfully... he grabs the cat and throws it out to the door. The cat did not give up so easily, she again climbed under the blanket but did not sliced the cream... she decided to move the cream to herself - put her leg with her nails on her messy ass and began to move toward herself... Curtain!

<+BuKToPuHa> 2. Machine for potato digging.
<Nck> thief