bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №146465
 14.11.2017
The virus particle is several dozen nanometers in size and passes through the medical mask without delay. However, directly at the exit of the patient, viruses do not fly out in free form, but in the form of drops of saliva, sputum, nasal secretion, containing the virus, which are already easily delayed by the mask. In the air, these drops quickly dry out and break down, and the virus becomes free and unmatched. Therefore (and for a number of other reasons, including the fact that the mask generally works poorly as an anti-dust respirator), the mask should be worn by the patient.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №146464
 14.11.2017
Normally, normal people buy apartments, it is the misery removed, if the case is indelible, then furnished with other people's furniture.
Poor people buy apartments, normal people live in their estate. Apartments are bought to the palace, who retires, some inexpensive trekking in Sadov or in Sochi.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146463
 14.11.2017
WOW: Yes, I still understand why the question arises about shooting glasses and araphates. But how does this strange man go to Ashan without a backpack?! to
Q: Is he driving in the car?
WOW is option. The only question is why then "mammy survivors"he has those with backpacks...
Thats a sach.
WOW: And the Berks, in general, normal semi-season shoes!
Sasha, have you been offended?
I have 4 km walk through the forest to Ashan. On one side. I’m not upset, I’m upset by someone’s immaturity x_X

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №146462
 14.11.2017
With Stalin, he stood

> not only nursing informals, but a fairly large mass of the population began to dress badly.

Not the same as before, right? "In all colors of the rainbow - from brown to hachi".

Two grandparents are sitting under a tree. One says to the other: "You hear Petrovich, but I remember in my youth, you sit so to grind under a tree, and the eggs are brought to the ground. And the chase is not..." The second, crushes, perks, answers: "And do not say Semenich, the Earth has wandered, has wandered..."

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146461
 14.11.2017
Yesterday my parents gave me a robot vacuum cleaner.
Today I sit at work and he receives a panic message: “I’m stuck and can’t get to the base. It is" Even an animal was sad.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146460
 14.11.2017
A person accustomed to the naturalness of Linux, where programmers write programs in the assumption that they will be used by programmers, in XCode is hard.
It seems to have been written by creative people for people no less creative. By the end of the working day, the stereotype of the non-traditional orientation of everyone who relates to Apple somehow begins to seem a holy truth.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146459
 14.11.2017
I put three toys.
I decided to pursue the rally tracks.
Each of them contains a number of instructions.
Change the oil in time
2) Take care of the car
3) choose the appropriate tires, amortizers, stands, etc.
I feel like this is not enough in my life!!! to
The result: I changed all of the consumers, set up the suspension, went to sleep!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146458
 14.11.2017
In our courtyard recently appeared a man with a dog (probably moved to us) - the female part of the dogs immediately echoed his "guru of style". Because for some reason he decided that his mission in life was to teach us to beauty. He loves to suddenly approach the corner and start giving advice - say, you need to paint brighter, or such a pale look you will not attract men, and you definitely need to wear heels (excellent, just great advice to the owner of a large and mobile dog at half eight in the morning!) is

The fact that no one is listening to him does not bother the uncle or the fig, as practice has shown. And even on direct mailings to the forest, he is not offended. In general, it is perceived as a weather phenomenon. And only one Anya treats him with good-hearted irony. Because the 43-year-old Anna, who will become a girlfriend from day to day, was very pleased with the phrase "You are thirty years old soon, and you will not begin to dress feminine!"

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №146457
 14.11.2017
Neighbors rented the apartment to Uzbek, husband and wife, both illegal with a child. In two years, two more children were born here in Russia. When there was a hotline on TV with the president, the Uzbek wrote SMS, said, Vladimirovich, help with citizenship. Immediately a phone call, they say that the address is needed, who to help, then. He dictated the address, and after 20 minutes the handcuffs of the FMS clicked on it. A naive Uzbek man.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146456
 14.11.2017
The Green Pokémon Bank burns:
If a new card is already available, its re-release occurs immediately, you are issued a carrier and the PIN code assigned to it is, and the credit card with the expiration date is annihilated in front of your eyes.

Annihilation of 1 kg of antimatter and 1 kg of matter produces approximately 42,96 megatons of trinitrotoluene.

The loan weighs 5 grams.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №146455
 14.11.2017
I saw such a dull picture in the morning – a shepherd runs in a compass, and behind her a woman with a scream “Willie, don’t touch the snowmen” and this Willy just crashes into one snowman and takes the course to another))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146454
 14.11.2017
LLeo: It’s you haven’t played in Tetris yet – one stress and throwing.

Braintunic: You’ve never played Tetris!
When the cubes begin to clump together and then you jump out a long stick, and finds the right hole, and with one blow at once with the stone fail four rows... it is just an orgasm!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №146453
 14.11.2017
Namedny went to his neighborhood for a beer. In the shorts. This is an important explanation, because they were such classic summer shorts, almost without pockets. For now, the weather allows. I held the money in hand.

Going deep into the store and picking up the goods from the shelf, I hastened to the box office. As I approached the vendor, I heard a cry:

by Paasport.

I am in summer shorts. I did not have my passport with me. Where is he? In general, I tried to connect all my charm and asked to sell me the product without a document. A short exchange of replies – in no one. I went back and put the beer on the shelf. But that day I was determined – and wanted to repeat the manoeuvre, but already with a passport.

After a while, I go back to the same store and take the same beer from the same shelf. I approached the box with the same seller. And... the seller breaks the goods just like that. Without questions. No of Criminals.

Why didn’t you ask me for a passport?

- Young man, you were not there for 15 minutes - it is clear that you went for a passport.

This country cannot be defeated.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №146452
 14.11.2017
She recently broke 70, bought her a smart new, fashionable whole, but one thing but - she does not use a phone book. Absolutely. She remembers all of her contacts by the mouth and calls every number by the memory. She failed to even scroll through the list of calls, as much as not explained. I looked at the number forty. of different. Not all are preserved.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146451
 14.11.2017
The most popular phrase for today:
Look at the tone you wrote to me.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №146450
 14.11.2017
For some time in the apartment became a strong smell of sewage. 9th floor house. The smell came from the ventilation in the bathroom. It was winter, so it was not possible to constantly ventilate the apartment. He decided to temporarily glue the ventilation and parallelly turned to our sanitary staff.

I call. I am a sanitary technician.

I - From the ventilation in the bathroom constantly smells of sewage. The neighbors above and below are the same.

Yes, I have already received a complaint from your entrance. What do you want? The fault themselves.

I – in what sense?

Do you have plastic windows?

I – Well yes.

When does ventilation smell less in the apartment?

I am naturally less.

C is here. These houses are so designed that you’d better leave the wooden windows. There were cracks and natural ventilation was created. And you used plastic, this smells and accumulates. You will do nothing here.

I was a little distracted by such an expert’s statement, yet I went down and left a written application to the TSJ.

After two days the smell was removed.

Probably re-designed the building.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №146449
 14.11.2017
Lyse moustaches give a chance to hear about yourself not "this bald", but "this chubby."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146448
 14.11.2017
One English preacher, in the twelfth, apparently century, explained to the parishioners that the Lord, being not only wise but also loving, commanded the rivers to flow through the great cities so that people could bring goods to the markets by boats.
It seems to me that, although the preacher has died, his conception of causal relations is still alive.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №146447
 14.11.2017
- Shirt, dear, and the dialogue is still possible, or are you already clearly right?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146446
 14.11.2017
>>> The basic skills of this matter, by the way, are given even in school.

Yes, there are so many basic skills in school that not everyone remembers them. Only a day ago one character was explained how the radius differs from the diameter, and he in response objected that he did not study for an engineer and does not know this difference. He was tried to explain that he should have understood this difference in the sixth grade, but he was still trying to prove that he was required too much.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna