bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108909
 04.02.2015
A girl pleased at the customs:
What is in the box?
The Amortiser
Open up
I opened *
What is it?
The Amortiser
Why Why?
For the car.
Okay, go on

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №108908
 04.02.2015
Natasha Cat: Yesterday I understood that oral sex in the literal sense is when the husband was distracted from the "process" periodically screaming to the cat so that he stopped beating the curtains)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108907
 04.02.2015
The river in New York City is called Hudson, and the housewife of Holmes is Mrs. Hudson. Only the Russians know the difference.
_________________________________________________________________
The capital of one state in English is called Moscow, and the river in that capital is Moscow.
This is a widespread speech in various languages.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108906
 04.02.2015
I had four round legs.
My eyes of the colors of the stars burned the asphalt
I broke the wind when poisonous blood boiled in my steel heart.
YYY :?! to
Then the parents came back from vacation and took the car.

[ + 15 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №108905
 03.02.2015
This is:
Thro my life, I have been taught to put dirty socks in the laundry by my father, my mother, my girlfriend, my wife... And the cat taught me, because if he does it, I have to go to the store for new ones.

I had to learn to put.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №108904
 03.02.2015
It is necessary to capture the thin edge of the variants “нах@j” and “on x@j”. There is an expression of “nah@j”. It makes sense “why?” Also, there is an interdomain of the same name, which is used simply to connect words in a sentence. “Wear a hat, or you will get a cold.” Unlike the nickname, “on x@j” should be understood literally. In any case, there is a verification word “in pi@du”. If you doubt how to write properly, replace “on x@j” with “on pi@du”. If the meaning has not changed, it must be written separately. If "nah@y" can be painlessly deleted from the text, then it is written together and is highlighted, nah@y, closed.

C Fishki

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108903
 03.02.2015
xxx is me? Sleeping at work? No, you’re wrong... In the absence of data input, I just disconnect the peripheral devices: high-definition three-dimensional imaging cameras (eyes), stereo microphones (hearing aids), speakers (speech aids). Devices such as the physical impact recognition sensor (touch), internal cooling and ventilation system (breathing), central processor (brain), RAM (short-term memory), hard disk (long-term memory) move into low energy consumption mode. The entire system moves to the state of "Waiting mode". In the background, defragmentation begins. And so it continues until the next incoming data package...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №108902
 03.02.2015
Can heavy metal be considered sinful? I have been listening to heavy music for a very long time and have not noticed any negative impact, but many condemn such music but not who so adequately and will not say what it is bad.

Listening to heavy metal is a grave sin. He who listens to this demonic music does not notice how he is stupid and forgets the most elementary things: for example, the rules of Russian spelling. And if under the sounds of heavy metal at midnight on Friday, the thirteenth, you read the opposite page 666 of the spelling dictionary, standing on the cemetery facing north, then Satan and Kthulhu will surely appear and cast the sinner into hell, where he will suffer severe torments for thousands of years, listening to the radio "Radonezh" and the choir of the Srethian monastery.
Truly I tell you, this was also written by Father Pigidius.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108901
 03.02.2015
Domestic Sciences

A: Good morning You can't tell me where to get hairless mice. I found some, but they are immune deficient, and I would like to just bald.
How difficult is it to organize delivery from Jacksonville?

Why, if not a secret. When we had such a problem, we simply treated the mouse with Veet depilation cream.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108900
 03.02.2015
The forum.
- Dear many-child moms, here's how to make my child's hysteria react normally? Not as hysteria freezes out as the advice and grievances of all kinds of grandmothers!
- Advice to mothers of nits who love to nite and repeat the same phrase: quietly, but confidently tell the child - you are intestinal mole! - And together with the whole street, rejoice in the screams: Kaaaaaa, not the bowel! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! It amuses the surroundings.
“Yes, the key phrase – say on the street. My whispered almost on the ultrasound that I wasn’t a Martian so that the glass stuffed, I started to worry like it didn’t crumble.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108899
 03.02.2015
In the Netherlands, one entrepreneurial guy decided to grow marijuana right at home. The only thing the young man did not take into account was the carbon dioxide and heat that plants emit. Because of these very discharges, the snow over his home was melting, which attracted the attention of the police.

YYY>> Rather, it is the heat from the lamps with which it illuminated the heat-loving plant. I doubt that the plant only releases so much heat.

zzz >> No, it’s all right. Plants, as everyone knows, emit carbon dioxide, which is the cause of warming, including global warming. And the heat of the plants is also directly discharged. It is obvious. For example, where there are more plants - in the tropics of all kinds - there is much warmer than in the tundra.

yyy >> and not vice versa?

zzz >> Yes, it is quite obvious that the more sheets the warmer. Here in the tundra, for example, there are only trees, they have small leaves. In the middle latitudes it is already better, but only in summer, and in autumn the trees drop leaves and all, soon comes winter. And the heat does not come until the new leaves grow. If, on the contrary, it was, before the first snow would fall, and then the leaves fell, but no - always first the leaves fall, then the frost and snow come.
And in the tropics there are many evergreen trees, there is always warm.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №108898
 03.02.2015
From the discussion about the start of KamAZ’s development of an unmanned truck:
XHH: It will be scary when the unmanned Gazelle is released.
YYY: Yes, they are already like, only in the driver’s seat someone is sitting to collect for the journey.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №108897
 03.02.2015
I'm going to jump parachute for the first time tomorrow, what advice would you give the newbie?
Don’t take a parachute with a big red spot.
zzz: - I join, imho is better with brown, more chances...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №108896
 03.02.2015
When my son was born, he wasn’t even named. Two weeks was Petrovich.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №108895
 03.02.2015
Madam, you misunderstood me. I don’t offer you a hand and a heart, I offer a member and a brain.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108894
 03.02.2015
Studying history is interesting because the overwhelming majority of stamps and established concepts are possible – and necessary! Only for this you do not need to speculate, sitting on the couch, but to study directly the invoice.
XXX: At the same time, the so-called “revisionism” usually looks like this: “Remember! The priests are deceiving you. Lightning is not the arrows of Zeus. This is the Torah!"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108893
 03.02.2015
Announcement in the section "Furniture": "I sell a parish lady".

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108892
 03.02.2015
to this:

A set of characters of any American blockbuster where a group of people struggle for survival:
1- (obligatory, without him no how) "Negro"
2-"Chinese" (without him too, neither how)
3-"telka" (gender equality and all that)
4 stupid "healthy" (somebody has to get out of it)
5"Smart kid" (well, even if someone should be smart)
6-"class guy" who the same must survive
In the process of fighting for survival, they all die (or almost all)
Negroes always die first, but someone must be first.
2 - "Chinese", their billion, their worst is not a pity
3 - Healthy ", previously destroyed 99% of zombies / aliens / ants / cranes knows who else...
4 - the "smart little boy", with which he will be replaced by a calf and the "class guy" will have a choice, whom to save, the calf is better, she has what the "smart boy" does not have, such as a breast...
Remains alive "class guy" and "telka" pre-smoothed the creature that soaked the "baby".
She will be killed when she eats the baby and his glasses are stuck in her teeth.
All, the script is ready, I’ll go to Spielberg."

Ellen Ripley thinks this is a very interesting theory.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108891
 03.02.2015
I watched the movie “12 Years a Slave.” He thought about the mortgage.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108890
 03.02.2015
And what does Arnie say at the end of the Spanish version of Terminator?
____________________________________________________________

There are two Spanish versions of Terminator. In the Latin American Spanish version, the phrase remains, as it is, with an expression in Spanish. However, in the European Spanish version, it changes to “Sayonara, Baby” (“Sayonara” in Japanese means “Goodbye”). The reason for this change is that the phrase must be pronounced in another language, otherwise its meaning is lost.

With respect,
and Wikipedia.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna